No one is at my apartment right now and I need to get this off my chest because it is bothering the out of me. I know this is a message board and I dont know any of you personally but I guess that doesnt seem to matter right now. Here is my story...
I have been dealing with depression over the past 2 years as I overanalyze things in my life and constantly dwell on them in a negative manner. Things changed with friends and it made me hate life more and more.
Then I met a nice sweet girl last March. I was starting to feel happy again about myself and my life. Her heart and spirit was the thing I loved about her the most. We talked/text messaged/hung out daily about random and came so close to being a couple. She would cuddle with me and we would also have deep conversations about all sorts of things.
Then we hung out less and I confronted her about where all this was going. She said she didnt want a relationship for a while (she recently got out of a tough 3 year relationship in March 2006) and just wanted to be friends around in late April. She was going to be my date for our fraternity formal but I had to find another date because I knew it was going to make matters worse. I tried to get my spirits up but I ended up going even more downhill and to add to the woes...she got a boyfriend over a month after I stopped talked to her. Then in early July she said how sorry she was and that she was so selfish and really wanted to be friends. I figured to give it a try. I made the horrible mistake of saying yes (keeping false hope that we could be a couple). I became emotionally attached again when we started to text each other daily. She is treating me like a friend and I just cant go with that. I care too much for her and like her way too much. She thinks everything is fine between us but it really isnt.
She isnt the cause for all my problems as I recently discovered that I am bi-polar. However, whatever self-esteem I was gaining back during my time with her went to . It was a huge blow at a time when I didnt think things couldnt get any worse... yet they did. I know I have to accept the fact that she doesnt feel that way about me. She misunderstood me when I said that the more I got to know her...the more I liked her. She thinks I just wanted a friendship the whole time. I know I have to move on and accept the fact that she doesnt feel the same way. The thing is I cant just be friends with her. It is too hard. I dont want to say anything because I dont feel I have to. I dont want things to blow up but I cant pretend our friendship is good enough. She is coming back up to Denton (I go to UNT) around the middle of August and she is excited to see me again. I havent seen her in person since late April.
What do I do? Hold it inside no matter what or say how I truly feel when I am left with no choice? Any insight will help.
No matter how difficult it is you have to end your friendship with her, at least for the moment. If you need to see her in August then do so and explain to her that it is too painful to keep your friendship and why. I hope you are taking medication for your depression and seeking therapy.
I don't know you, but I'll offer something.
1. Stop routing for the Mavs, it's just an endless streak of disappointment. just ing with you.
2. You're not bi-polar. Don't believe that e!! Just because this person has an expensive piece of paper they think they know you well enough to say in their opinion you are sick. How many people at UNT do you know that are graduating with medical degrees, and you know for a fact they are ing morons? Probably several. Everyone gets depressed every once in a while, not just yourself. Other people do tend to over analyze and look on the negative side of things, too. It's a temporary thing. It is not a disease. Parkinson's is a disease, leukemia is a disease, depression is not.
3. THAT !! Not literally. Being friends with a chick can be a great thing. But not this ho. Ignore her. Would your life be so horrible if you never got to be -teased by her again? You know she doesn't wanna or be in a relationship of any sort, so why bother staying around? It's a waste of time that many people, including myself, have done. ...I used to be the mayor of the FriendZone!!
Let's say, for example that she was a guy. Would he make a good friend? Would he be someone that you would wanna be like? Would that person make you fell good about who you are? Or would that person lie to your face and stab you in the back? From the sound of it, she lied to you and told you she wasn't ready for a relationship, and then a month later went and got into a relationship. She lied to you, and ing led you on! Those are not qualities you want in a friend or a girlfriend. So when she comes to Denton, you ignore that ! Don't bother calling her, and if she calls you, answer it, but don't offer to meet her anywhere. What the for?? So she can pull your strings? She likes that , she gets off on that more than she would get off on ing you. Because if she controls you, she wins. If you her, she loses control, and you win. She's a waste of time. And don't fall for that apology bull . She obviously doesn't mean what she says, so DON'T GIVE HER ANY MORE CHANCES! She had her shot, and she ed that up. It's probably happened to her before, and she lost that guy she used to have around her finger....now you're that ing guy. Don't be that ing guy!
P.S. about the depression: always remember that someone somewhere has it much worse than you. And repeat these 5 words in your head: get the over it! Never feel sorry for yourself!
Without going into details, I went through a similar situation with a young lady recently. Instead of my usual pining over a hopeless situation routine, I decided to make a concerted effort to MOVE ON. (And no, I'm not being a head and saying "let it go" just to be malicious.) I forced myself to think and do other things than my heart and head were telling me to do, and I really believe it helped me not only move on from the failed relationship at hand, but ones before it as well.
It is a bitter pill to swallow, but the truth is that time heals all wounds. No matter how deep they may be.
You need to stop talking to her and give yourself a chance to just completly get over her. You know there will be no kind of relationship.
Dude, if you're Bi-polar . . . a love-me/like-me? relationship is the LAST thing you should be pursuing. Just drop it man.
You seem to have come to the realization that she doesn't feel the same way for you as you feel for her. So, let it go. Be friends if you can, but if you can't, just let it go.
It only gets worse if you try to hang on to false hope.
The Illegitimate Spawn of Peewee speaketh the truth!
You need go to your situation properly diagnosed. Depression isn't something to take too lightly.
Depression is a disease. Those who suffer from clinical depression can not just "get the over it". Too many people may get diagnosed with this and other anxiety type illnesses and get meds prescribed, but there are those who suffer seriously from this disease.
I recommend weed.
If that doesn't go well for you, my friend Lindsay Lohan says you can never go wrong with a some of the white lady.
Stop holding your damn feelings in. Eventually you're going to explode, if you haven't already. Just tell her how you feel (or how you've felt) and to stop messing with your mind. If she doesn't want anything serious with you, she'll let you know, you'll ultimately feel better, and then you can move on.
Depression is a disease. Ending the relationship with this broad would be the best thing for yourself. You don't need a thats gonna drop you on a dime with no excuse.... Ignore her at all costs or you will just get your feelings hurt again. Just remember theres no where but up to go, brighter days are ahead..... Just hold your head...
There is no medical school at UNT.
It's probably better to trust the diagonsis of the guys with the expensive pieces of paper on their walls than to trust the diagnosis of some guy on an internet forum.
Dirk, here's the root of the problem. You aren't self-centered enough and seem to depend on other people to be happy. Believe me, that is a sure-fire recipe for disaster. You need to start making yourself the center of your universe. If your source of sustenance is something outside of you, you're going to get hurt real bad if/when that en y leaves you or changes in a way to affect you.
Stop going through life liking/hating it because of other people. Stop giving so much importance to people around you (friends, partners, whoever). Start looking inward rather than seeking happiness from others. Your source of happiness (or the reason you don't have it) is within you. No need to look outside.
You need to sit back and ask yourself what the heck you want to do about your life. Who do you want to be? Understand that, and set that as your goal. Then go out there and get it. Along the way, good things will happen. Marrriage, kids, the full monty. But now you'll enjoy it the right way because you aren't utterly dependent and clinging towards your relationships. You will have the innate confidence that you can handle any and all reverses in life because you have what it takes to be happy inside of you.
Play like you don't care about the result, and there's a good chance you'll win. Go around being scared of losing things, chances are that you'll lose them.
Good luck.
I prefer the cold comfort of Shiner Bock to get over my depressions.
But you know what they say about the "White Lady", right?
She's a .
...an expensive
1. Stay on your medication.
2. Stay on your medication...
3. Get your together first - no relationship is gonna be worth getting into with you until you have your together first, although, it's cool to experiment with chicks you just like as friends in the meantime...
4. A bi-polar Mavericks fan is almost redundant
The friends thing isn't going to work. Just tell her look I liked you and I thought you felt the same way, but you don't so us being just friends isn't in the cards.
If you continue, its just a disservice to you because you get teased every time you do something with her (ie "hang out, catch up, text"). I think in the back of her mind, she really knows, but she likes the idea of having someone that likes her.
If you both saw each other as friends, no problem, but you don't so just drop it.
I don't know anything about clinical depression, if you indeed have it. I'm not saying you don't, but I think sometimes people are just sad or act a different way and labels are put on them.
I do know it's always good to surround yourself with positive people who genuinely care about you and that being occupied helps with sadness. Exercise also helps.
I think a great help would be meeting another nice girl. It sounds like once you do a lot of your problems will turn around. Until then, stay busy and positive.
Take up some hobbies, listen to upbeat music, and hang out with your friends.
I wish you the very best.
My replies towards the posters in this thread...
I am taking zoloft but my body feels too used to it that it really doesnt help in any kind of way. I have changing mood swings as well. I go from feeling happy to angry/stressed/overwhelmed/frusterated/easily short tempered within seconds. Tomorrow I am going to make a phone to set up an appointment with a therapist. I know what my problems are but I have such a hard time coping with them. I am also going to set up an appointment with my doctor about my medication situation. I suffer bad anxiety attacks each day hench the changing mood swings. A few questions I have...
Do I let her know in person (when she gets up here within the next few weeks or so) that I need to tell her how this friendship isnt going to work and explain why?
Do I just forget the situation and dont even bother with it until she gets in contact wanting to see me in person?
Say if she doesnt bother to get in contact with me at all...do I just leave the situation alone for good?
It has been hard gaining confidence in myself these past 2 years. I know I act like a Mavs fan on this site who has no life outside of basketball, but shockingly that isnt true at all. I know there is much more to life than sports. I am slowly working on trying to become happy again but god damn it is so tough.
A another quick side note: I am NOT having thoughts of suicide. I know it is a selfish way to go and how the people I would leave behind would be effected.
I wish time would heal all wounds. There was an incident from five years ago that ALWAYS feels like it happened yesterday.
Not that I'm a doctor, but Zoloft isn't for bi-polar people. Zoloft is for anxiety and depression, but it's not the treatment if you are actually bi-polar. Bi-polar is something completely different and requires Lithium (or something similar). And though I believe that a lot of people who are just sad or having a hard time dealing with life are misdiagnosed and overmedicated in this country, there are people who are truly bi-polar and it's a difficult disease.
So, please go to a doctor and get analyzed and treated. And don't let them just throw a prescription at you and push you out the door. If you are bi-polar, get on your medication and stay on.
As for the girl situation ... mixed signals are exactly what you don't need. Break it off and distance yourself. Learn to love yourself and cope with your problems before getting back into it with another girl.
Good luck.
I'm not a very religious person ( I don't go to church often enough) however I alwasy feel better after I pray. I never pray for a situation to go away ,rather I pray for strength to deal with what is going on.. Pray man!!
Jaffies, this is not helpful at all. If Dirk has diagnosed depression then it is a chemical imbalance in his brain and no amount of "get the over it" thinking will make a difference. I supported a girlfriend through clinical depression and she kept saying "I know people are worse off than me, and I know I should get over this, but nothing changes..." She didn't realise it was her brain chemicals making her feel that way and that no amount of positive thinking would help her until I did some research and explained to her that she needed professional help. She took her meds for a few months, got a lot of rest, and slowly became herself again.
Also, Dirk, don't go anywhere near weed or alcohol, they will just take you down a very dark road.
As has already been said, stay on your meds, get plenty of exercise, make sure you are working towards something positive, and break all contact with this person. Like the others, I've been in a situation just like yours and it just ends up hurting more and more. Call her up, tell her that you don't want to have any more contact with her, and if you want to, tell her why. However, don't get sucked in by her to remaining friends - you are only torturing yourself by doing that.
Good luck.
Last edited by RuffnReadyOzStyle; 07-29-2007 at 09:11 PM.
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