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Same here pretty much. I was brought up a Jehovah's Witness and had to follow very strict guidelines. But me and my brother still did our share of sirt like cutting class and making up stories to stay home from school. But taking into consideration how alot of our friends turned out whose parents just let them do whatever I think that the three of us turned out okay. And 16 is a very rebelious age. If tatooes is the only thing she has lied about that isn't bad at all. I knew some kids at 16 who pretty much defied their parents at all cost. At least she still goes to school and studies.
I always respected my parents, but I think I started acting differently around them around the time I turned 18 and went off to college. I just think I had a problem with my parents being in my business 24-7 (or it felt like that). After I went to college, I found new freedom and matured more.
from 5 till now.....
i always respect my parents, grownups, elders, family and relatives...ppl do judge you and you dont wanna bring shame to your family....expecially when ppl start badmouthing you to everyone and it spreads around...ppl will judge you and look down on you and ur family.....This is common for mostly everyone.
its all about discipline, manners, respect and personality.
treat others like you want to be treated back in return....
The community and the area you are brought up in, also has an affect on you....sure you live in the ghetto, ppl do drugs and , you see appearing in front of you that appears on tv.....its all about you making the correct decisions now that will change the way you wanna live your life. Do you wanan get involved with these sort of activities.....
Yeh 5-16 i was a nerd...did pretty well in school and stuff, education first was my main priority since ur parents work hard just to send you to catholic highschools and stuff...When you start to hang around the wrong ppl, gangbangers, friends who start to get involved into drugs, thuggery...peer pressure and stuff, it affects you. I hanged around them sort of ppl, but never got involved in the activities they were doing who were in the wrong end of the law....Parents knew about it, said you can hang around them, but dont keep a close relationship or dont get involved. I made the choice of keeping a fair distance from these ppl, i greet them every now and then...but wouldnt wanna hang out with them on a regular basis.
I always respected my Mom, nad never lied to her as I remember.
Although I had bad days, depressions and all that teenage "I hate you all" at ude I knew I could trust my Mom when needed.
It depends on the relations with the kids. How he/she is raised. What envoirnment he/she is in etc.
All in all some kids are grown and learn to respect parents realy early, but the others need some time. Also many never will respect the parents (it depends on parent and kid as well).
There is no rule. Too many things are involved in it.
sounds pretty airtight. you should take her ass to court.
i think raising your child too strictly is just asking for trouble later on.
girls who go through harsh parenting grow up to do anal.
an agreement was signed?
Techinically I am still in my twenties. I am 29. I always respected my parents. However, they never knew of me drinking or smoking until later on in my twenties when I confessed to them. I got good grades and played sports so they thought I was fine, but me myself knew the difference between doing something wrong and doing something stupid.
I am sure all kids in and around that age group lie and hide things.
she doesnt respect you because you keep letting her get away with things. Ground the out of her and dont buy her a car when she turns 16. She broke a legally binding contract. That's hard time in the real world. Teach her her lessons now.
oh you didnt GET the pm from Spurschick?
I'd say it's based on the teenager...
I'm the 5th of 6 kids and my parents went through several stages of strictness, generally lightening up as the younger ones came up.
By the time it got to me, my parents had few strict rules but generally trusted that I'd do the right thing. Fortunately for them, and me, I rarely tested their patience. I ended up tatoo-less, pierce-less, and without a baby...so I'd say I made out good.
But, my little brother on the other hand got into drugs and girls pretty heavily during his teenage years. In his case the whole "freedom" thing didn't workout so well.
He has since rebounded and grown up, but it's just an illustration that sometimes giving a teenager the freedom to make their own decisions and mistakes doesn't work out.
I don't have any kids of my own yet, and I don't know how trustworthy your teenage daughter is, so I won't give you advice as to whether you should be strict or not....but I'll just warn that giving her space and freedom may not be the answer.
BTW, for purposes of meeting criteria....I'm 25.
I didn't respect my parents until I myself was completely on my own and free to make my own mistakes living by my own hand. No matter how sound the advice was I wanted to do what I wanted to do and I wanted to have the freedom to make my own decisions and live with my own consequences not someone elses. I was essentially on my own at 17 and they didn't ease up on my until my mid twenties. I've had my ups and downs but I don't regret for one minute having that need to do things my way not theirs. I may have learned some valuable lessons far later than I should have but I can't stand the "do what I say because I say so" I needed the "why". With that said its changed the kind of parent that I am. To illustrate the "why" we did this.
I have two stepdaughters 13 and 12. The 13 year old is popular has boyfriends and her very own set of grown up boobs to flaunt around with. She always has to have the latest this and that and be the center of attention. She does what she wants to do and you can't argue with her about. Battle after battle over the smallest until I took it all away and put all her clothes and belongings in the attic (she thought the trash). She had to wear the same two outfits I left her to school. She had no phone no TV no stereo unless she could pay for it. You want TV pay TW you want a phone go get some credit from AT&T. You want clean clothes do the wash. If you're so smart and so independent then make it happen wise ass. That lasted nearly two months until she started to listen a little more and be more respectful. Slowly over the following two months she got bits and pieces of her stuff back so long as her room remained clean and she helped out around the house. She did chores in lieu of things like TV, phone, internet similarly to what every adult has to go through. Having what we have and being able to afford is a result of working for it. I don't hear any more crap about I want this or I want that because I want it and blah blah blah.
Go figure the 12 year old has never acted that way. She does whats expected and then some.
In the attempt to give your children all those things you did not have growing up, do not forget to give them all the things you did have.
I do not have and never will purchase a video game system for my house. I will, on the other hand, buy just about any book my child requests. My child does not have a cell phone and will not be handed a car when he turns 16. I was raised to earn things for myself and I am grateful my parents raised me that way because it made me proficient and capable. I do not want to have a child who grows up without that feeling of accomplishing things for himself. Today, I see way too many good-intentioned parents working out all their kids struggles for them and paving the way for them to have and to do whatever they want, which in the end will turn out to be a disservice for a bunch of kids incapable of functioning in the real world.
I think, too, that the environment and expectations are set at a very young age. Kids learn what their parents value and what is important to them.
i think for a child to grow up right they sadly need to see failure from their siblings or relatives. it gives them perspecitve and an experience to draw from.
my sister moved out when she was 19. got pregnant when she was 20 and has had to fight hard to live a normal lfe. she's 5 years older than me and seeing the things she would do gave me an understanding of what i should do and not do.
my sister by no means failed... but she had to go through much more than she might have.
It's their job to lie to us and our job to catch them. It's just one of the natural orders of the universe like gravity.
maybe on your farm cowboy
The only 15 year old that aren't trying to slide one by their parents are riding the short bus with you Polandprzem.
Oh, damn.
Oh, man ...
2blonde, does your daughter have a job? That might teach her responsibility, and also take some mischief time off her hands. I got a job aged 15 because I was getting into music and wanted a nice stereo - saved for 6 months for a $1000 Yamaha that I'm still listeninig to as we speak.
Then again, what would I know? I was never a rebellious teenager (my rebellion came after I'd left home, strangely, but that's another story...).
Also, I think BacktoBasic, ploto and thispego hit the nail on the head - sounds like you need to hit her up with some serious discipline. She lied and broke a contract, and she should suffer the consequences. Try that in the real world and you'll get your head handed to you - she needs to learn that now, or she'll learn it later by herself and that won't be pretty.
All of that being said, good luck with it! If only there was a way to convince teenagers that if you avoid the bad stuff, life gets so much better in your 20s.
Last edited by RuffnReadyOzStyle; 01-15-2008 at 07:16 PM.
Thanks to all for your insight. She isn't a bad kid but sometimes she drives me up the wall.
That is the longest post I've ever seen from you!
Are you in Melbourne? Asian-Australian heritage of some kind?
LOL
At least you know theres something going on in there...I'll take a feisty semi-rebellious thinker over a deadhead any day. Just don't forget to save your battles for the really big stuff. Fight em every day on the little stuff and they will tune you out.
I've been parenting her for almost 16 years and i am hardly naive about what kids do behind your back. I was a teenage girl once upon a time. My post was about her not showing enough respect to me. If you think I don't know that she tries to push the limits then you are the one that is naive. Most parents do know when their kids are lying to them, I was just trying to figure out why she would do it when the truth would cause her less trouble.
We have always had a rule that if you tell the truth you might get in trouble but if you lie then you you get in trouble for the deed AND for the lie. She went behind my back on this one but she told the truth the next day. On other occasions she has done stuff and then lied when I asked her about it.
Oh by all means then, I better start letting her do anything she wants.
I totally agree with you. I've told her I wouldn't trade her for all the perfectly behaved children in the world. She's bright, funny, beautiful, can be really sweet or a huge pain in the ass....but she's mine.
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