Me, too. He looks (and acts, usually) exactly like my baby, who is very very sick right now. In fact, I'm about to leave work and take him to the vet.
Me, too. He looks (and acts, usually) exactly like my baby, who is very very sick right now. In fact, I'm about to leave work and take him to the vet.
Hope everything turns out okay with your baby.
I don't know if congratualte you.....
Hope everything turns out ok...![]()
I fear honesty.
I see this from both sides, but it seems to me that it boils down to two competing opposites: actions vs. words.
The wife/GF in your example is saying "show me as much attention as you show your friends." She is comparing today to yesterday, and wondering why the boys are more important than she is, and in extension, this tests his skills as a father.
Think about it: If the child cannot speak for him or herself, and his options are open, will he do what he wants at the expense of the child?
Let's not forget that we are still animals, and biologically speaking, the basis for these relationships, and having two genders, is raising a child. Who gets stuck with providing for and protecting that child if the relationship ends? She has to interpret intent to avoid problems before they arise.
My point is that trying to change the "endless mindgames" is pointless because it serves a purpose.
How do you avoid failing? Don't ever show more love to anything besides her, and by extension, the family you may have. The greatest expressions of love are time and energy. The guy, in your example, exterted more time and energy - through planning and getting the chores done - to go play basketball than he showed his GF/wife. It's not about what he did that day, it's about what he didn't do the past 3 weeks in comparison to that day. And because he has complete contol over his time and energy, why would she have to point out what he's been doing to her?
If you expect her to spell out what's "wrong," then she's done all the work for you, and she doesn't get a true measurment of how much you love her. She just becomes another one of your chores. She wants you to want her.
I think this is pretty simple stuff.
As for the original question, males value independance, order, and the ability to make a decision. This requires evalutation and diagnosis to make an informed decision. Those skills are honed by society - if you look at stereotypical professions and hobbies for males, you'll see a sense of order and exact measurements of the physical world. There's a lot of math, principles, and consistency.
Relationships are much more complicated and inexact. In addition to giving up independance, things can change in the relationship, from the male point-of-view, at a virtual "drop of a hat." This leaves the ability to protect against pain virtually useless.
When a man cuts his finger, he knows the source of the pain. He knows he has to stop the bleeding, clean the cut, and let it heal. He knows the cut has healed when he can see it no longer. When he suffers 2, 3 cuts, he knows how long it will take to heal. The cut usually leads to a story about physical prowess - carrying something heavy, getting in a fight, or how easily he took care of the problem.
When it comes to emotional pain, how to do you triage? Where is the location of that pain? It is a lack of order in creatures that crave it. That situation is avoided at all costs - even a rewarding relationship. Also, go back to what I said about this earlier - it's about children. Committing to her means committing to that family, and more variables to consider in his decisions.
That's my two cents.
A bargain at any price.![]()
![]()
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)