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Men are not as mature as they seem to be
We had the question a while back about someone wanting to know about women- so I thought I would ask about men.
Now, I am not talking about the commitment-phobic guy- I am just wondering about men in general and why so many seem to get afraid when "things" start to mean something. What are you so scared of?? being hurt, being vulnerable, losing something, ... Again, I do NOT mean a situation where the woman is putting pressure on you or wanting some kind of commitment. I just mean that moment when you know you both realize that there could really be something there. Why is that terrifying?
Men are not as mature as they seem to be
You know commitment and freedome
We think you are going to turn off the game.
Because I liked banging hot chicks. Seriously. For a few days I was bummed out that my nights of bars, sex, and hanging out with friends were over, but then I realized that I'd hit 30 someday and I don't think that will be so much fun then.
men hate to feel vulnerable, best just to get knocked up.
People are always looking for the better deal or the "one".
It's also a cultural thing right now with a decline in traditional weddings.
Then when they realize the good ones get away they cry and get drunk..
rinse / repete...
.
Last edited by Samr; 04-03-2006 at 06:58 AM. Reason: removed
I would never do such a thing!!
Because men never grow up. We are perpetually in adolescence.
This is easy, its not that we are afraid to take things a step further, its the endless piles of BS that comes along for the ride. Incesent nagging and ing. Seriously we just can't take the guessing game that you call dialogue. Every statement and phrase is shrouded in some kind of code that we better damn well decipher or its rice and bread with no BJ for months. Its to damn stressful. So we wait for the either the best friend that we can or the closest thing to real love that we can tolerate.
I don't know who you married, but that's a really bad stereotype.
I agree. I am definately not stating this is my situation. Yes it is a very broad stereotype but I do feel there is more than a shread of truth to it. I've been married twice when I was young and dumb and I'm sure I'll see a third sooner than later. I also have tons of friends and family members that have been or are married. Most guys don't have the sack to admit it but as a man gets older his disires for a stressless world grow.
We don't mind doing chores around the house and we don't mind dealing with your monthly visitor. Its the coded language you speak that drives us up a wall.
Example:
Messican Lover: Honey I finished the yard early and I cleaned the kitchen before you got up this morning. Some of the guys are going down to the park to play some ball about 3 today would you mind if I got a game or two for a couple of hours before we start dinner.
Messican Lovers Wife or Girlfriend(in a firm voice without smiling): You go ahead and do what you want. If thats what you would like to do on your day off since the chores are done you go ahead and play as long as you like. I guess your planning on drinking a few beers with boys to huh.
Sounds sweet and she said the right thing.
I don't have the Wife to real world handbook but let me translate this for you.
Messican Lovers Wife or Girlfriend: You go ahead and play with your little friends and see what happens next. I see that you got up early to finish you chores so you could go out and play but why the don't you get up early to knock out them chores so we can spend a afternoon together at the mall or the movies. Your busy all week long and on your day off you don't spend anytime with me.
Anyone who is married or with someone has been face with that quandry and then they wonder why when they get home the wife is all pissed off and not saying anything.
Man will say: whats whats wrong baby you don't feel good or something.
Wife: No I'm fine and you know whats wrong "how was your game".
Were ed right there
Wouldn't life have been much easier if she would have just said "can you play ball another day I would really like to do something together this afternoon babe its been awile since you took me to the mall or movies."
Lot less room for catastrophically bad decisions to make there. Clear cut demands are so much better than leaving us with a bad decision to accidently make. Quit letting us ourselves.
Most may deny it but this happens all the time.
That was dead-on Messican Lover.
Noone has the cajones to admit it.
I'm threw with serious relationships. I shoulda moved ta Miami when I had the chance.
I heard they need new gigilos.
Wouldn't life have been much easier if she would have just said "can you play ball another day I would really like to do something together this afternoon babe its been awile since you took me to the mall or movies."
Example from her POV: You always want to have sex, she doesn't. How does it make you feel when you have to beg for it? Depending on your ego, you may start to think that maybe you just aren't doing it for her and she doesn't want you bad enough to bother. On the other hand, it makes you feel like a damn stud when she initiates the nooky, doesn't it? Like she just can't keep her hands off of you.
In that situation, she wants you to initiate the quality time or whatever, so she can feel like a stud, so to speak. Which generally will end up with you feeling like a stud also. Win-win, so I wouldn't too much about it.
Me thinks you are right!
You proved my point right their why does it have to be a god damn murder mystery to get things done the right way. I need Matlock and the old bag from Murder She Wrote to try to solve the mystery that is women.
If your not in the mood let me know if you want sex let me know if you want jewelry or clothes let me know just don't let me know how much.
At some point it has to be "hey we've been together for X amount of years so just come out and say it" I think 90% of men have proven we are incapable or reading between the lines of another vagina monologue.
How long does a man need to be with a women for her to stop speaking codes.
Example from her POV: You always want to have sex, she doesn't. How does it make you feel when you have to beg for it? Depending on your ego, you may start to think that maybe you just aren't doing it for her and she doesn't want you bad enough to bother. On the other hand, it makes you feel like a damn stud when she initiates the nooky, doesn't it? Like she just can't keep her hands off of you.
In that situation, she wants you to initiate the quality time or whatever, so she can feel like a stud, so to speak. Which generally will end up with you feeling like a stud also. Win-win, so I wouldn't too much about it.
Not sure about this, since I've never been married, but I would think that the "coded" language talk would stop once you've been with the person for a while and/or are married to them. Isn't that one of the reasons you love someone in the first place? Because you can be yourself around them and you don't have to use some sort of coded language around them because you feel comfortable enough with them to say what's really on your mind?
If I have to beg for something, it takes all of the pleasure out of receiving it ... whether it's sex, attention, time together or whatever. I'll go look somewhere where it doesn't seem like such an inconvenience.
I didn't realize that was that hard of a concept to grasp.
I'm gonna get blasted right here but I'm gonna say it anyway. Its not lack of being mature is that we exhaust ourselves all day long playing mind with our bosses, customers, and co-workers that when we get home we just want to go into operation shut down and call it a day. We need to crank our brain power down from 80% to something near ape like status just to relax.
Disclaimer: This statement is in now way meant to be critical of the working women as this is just a generalization. Also stay at home moms please advise that this is just a sterotype intended for entertainment purposes only. Men please do not try this at home.
Typical women. If you don't play my game I'll play it with the UPS guy or some dude who checked me out while shopping on your dime with the ladies. We treat you like godesses why are we so disposable. I think its been like this for way to long. Its a at ude like that which keeps the divorce rate so high. We aim to please just help us to understand your needs without playing games is all we ask.
Wanting your partner to pay attention to you without having to beg for it...and being hurt if he doesn't is a game? WTFever, dude. I can definitely see a number 3, 4 & 5 in your future.
Bottom line: she needs you to act like you actually want to be with her every once in a while without having to beg or nag you to act that way. Duh.
I've already done the marriage thing and I know what I can and cannot tolerate. And selfish, inconsiderate men are one of them. No, I have no problem not settling with someone just so I can get laid every once in a while.
Last edited by SpursWoman; 04-03-2006 at 10:28 AM.
What happened to my thread???
I thought I tried to make it clear that I was not referering to marriage or even serious, long-term relationships. I was not talking about someone who wants to control what you do or any of that. I was referring to the moment when the guy realizes that this girl "gets" to him and he can't seem to handle that. Maybe it is about a loss of control?
Uh, if it's not serious or getting there, why would fear even be an issue? I've never met a man in my life that experience fear from casual dating or one night stands.
Usually if a guy finally thinks *shes* the one, he gets freaked out by the possible commitment that means...which would include messicanlover's bull , whiny stereotypes above.
Last edited by SpursWoman; 04-03-2006 at 10:35 AM.
I think there can exist something between a casual date and a relationship that has become serious.
And men always tell me- they clearly know the difference between a woman for a casual date and a woman for something that means something.
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