What did the inadvertant whistle do to the spurs
...She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit.
...Then I caught her spending $65.00 on make-up.
...And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and not her.
...She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me.
...I told her that was what the beer was for.
iight i gots one
there was dis ninja and he went to kfc and got some fried chicken then he went to the barber shop and got his fro trimmed. this ninja happened to be norcal510
Two atoms are walking down the street. One suddenly stops and says, "Oh no, I've lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive!"
The Aggie business owner was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Texas and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Tell this to a nerd:
Yo mamma is so fat your computer had a stack overflow when computing her fatness
The Polish were upset because of their bad reputation. A group of them got together and approached a conference of Americans, Germans, and Japanese and asked for help on this matter. An American replied, "You must do something so the world will respect you. The Japanese are known for their technology and the Germans are known for their resourcefulness. We Americans have had respect since we helped win the World War against the other two. See, you need to do something world-famous." A German added," Yes, he's right. Why don't you find a place in this world in need of a bridge that no one has dared build, build it, come back to us, and we will help publicize it."
With that, the Polish set off to build their bridge. They designed it and worked 6 months and finally completed it. They then went back to report it to the group. The bridge was a beautiful bridge but it had one flaw: it was erected in the middle of the Sahara Desert. An American said, "No, no. See, that is why you have your reputation. There is no need for a bridge in the middle of the desert. Now go and dismantle it, and find a more strategic spot to erect it."
The Polish returned to the conference in two weeks. One of the Japanese said, "Two weeks! It only took you two weeks to dismantle that bridge and build a new one??? That is amazing!!" To which a Polish man replied, "Well, not exactly. When we returned to the bridge we couldn't dismantle it because there were all these Italians fishing off it."
What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle?
A dead poodle with an 18 inch asshole.
you saved it to your photo album just for me? how sweet.
Oldie but Goodie ...
Guy walks into a doctor's office and says: "Doc, you gotta help me, my penis is orange!"
The doctor examines him, thinks about it for a bit, and says: "Have you changed your diet recently?"
"Nope."
"Anything different about your environment?"
"Nothing."
Flabbergasted, the Doctor says: "Well, I don't know what could be causing this. Can you tell me how you spend a typical day?"
"Well, Doc, my girlfriend just broke up with me last week, so basically, I've just been sitting on my couch, watching porn and eating Cheetos."
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