I have a problem

[TDMVPDPOY]

do what i did, goto pub drink up and forget about it

i still see the person at meets, but i dont look at her or talk about her, or make jokes about it, just totally ignore her or put her on mute....

they build your hopes up and play you like a fool, that.

thats the problem with love/relationships, when it comes, it comes, dont force the issue....you do know good guys finish last right so fuk it

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Speaking of my situation, I tried to call her but it went straight to her voicemail so I sent her an email telling her that being friends isnt going to work. I explained why it wont work and I told her to be happy. At the moment I can honestly say I feel better. Also thank you to the poster/posters who told me that relying on people to have happiness is the wrong way to go. That helped really cleared some issues up. I need to be selfish/self-centered about this part of my life and not rely on people to make me happy.

Nice work mate. Uncertainty is a killer, but now that you've resolved it you can move on. Oh, and you may relapse and start thinking about her in a few days - if that happens, discipline yourself out of it. Every time you think about her just say the word "no" or "gone" or "move on". It works for me, anyway.

As for your bad luck with women, I totally feel you... , I'm thinking about writing a book about my romantic disasters between age 16-25. It would be a comedy bestseller!

One of the best was when I wrote a letter to a girl who I had loved for two years and had suffered through "friendship" with just as you describe. I had heard that a certain wit at my school was going to try to sleep with her (she was a virgin), and my letter told her this and much more... so what did she do? Show her entire school the letter and alienate me from all but one of my friends there. Also, it was two weeks before final exams! Then, to put the cherry on top, weeks later, quoting my letter ("why can't you go out with someone nice for a change?"), she started seeing MY BEST FRIEND.

And that, my friend, is merely the tip of the iceberg...

[sabar]

I'd offer advice but I'm sure it would be useless. We all think differently logically. No matter what people say, they interpret it differently. In essence, get a hobby and don't obsess over love. It comes naturally and searching for it and forcing the issue will lead nowhere. Do something to leave a mark on the world. Write a book, a blog, create something, volunteer at a animal shelter or an orphanage. Make the world a better place. Making a significant other happy should be a goal, but when you force at it, it never comes. Do things for random strangers and you'd be surprised at how good you can feel.

Toss her out the door and live life. You will undoubtedly meet thousands of other people over the months and eventually you'll find one that feels the same about you as you feel about them.

But the most important thing by far is realizing this very fact, not just doing it. Realizing that letting someone toy with you is pointless in the grand scheme of things, realizing that when you do find a perfect person that this will look silly in the past. Over analyzing things is good as long as you are realistic with it.

[J.T.]

Oh btw, Dirk, what frat are you in at UNT? I used to be in a frat at my school but I had a falling out and decided to quit earlier this year. (and I think it's really funny how, when they are rushing you, they are so cool with you, then when you quit they say " you we don't need trash like you in our frat!" )

I really enjoy life a lot more now that I don't have 60 fake friends.

[easjer]

You got a lot of really great advice here, and it sounds like you are already taking positive steps forward. I've dealt with depression, both in my life and in the lives of the people I love most, and it's a hard, hard thing to deal with.

I think therapy is a wonderful thing and a great idea, even if you are on medication. There are a lot of things that go on and sometimes it's great to have someone there to help you work through them. Being really comfortable with yourself and knowing who you are is going to go a long way in helping you build a healthy relationship with someone else.

I had a 'friendship' exactly as you describe it in college, he'd tell me how wonderful I was and what an amazing person I was. He'd date other people, but he'd be back with me at night (that sounds a lot dirtier than it should - we were never sexual). The reason he couldn't date wonderful me? No attraction - I wasn't skinny enough for him. That did wonders for my self-confidence. Once I was away from him (b/c of cir stance) I was happier and it was amazing how much better my life was. No more pain, no more lingering uncertainty, no more damaged self-esteem (that quickly became reliant on him for everything), no more lying to myself about how I felt and what I wanted out of the relationship just to be able to be with him.

I barely recognize that person now. I'm so much happier, and found a relationship with someone who loves me for who I am and supports me in who I am and builds me up, and that is a wonderful thing. I could never go back to that half-life I was living before.

I wish you luck and send you love (even if you are a mavs fan), because you are a decent person. Keep taking those positive steps and work on putting your life together for you. You'll feel so much better soon.

[TDMVPDPOY]

i good wank would clear your mind man.......


brightened up man, theres plenty of chicks out there and at the end of the day you still got your friends around you.....

[J.T.]

I had a 'friendship' exactly as you describe it in college, he'd tell me how wonderful I was and what an amazing person I was. He'd date other people, but he'd be back with me at night (that sounds a lot dirtier than it should - we were never sexual). The reason he couldn't date wonderful me? No attraction - I wasn't skinny enough for him. That did wonders for my self-confidence. Once I was away from him (b/c of cir stance) I was happier and it was amazing how much better my life was. No more pain, no more lingering uncertainty, no more damaged self-esteem (that quickly became reliant on him for everything), no more lying to myself about how I felt and what I wanted out of the relationship just to be able to be with him.

Most dudes in college are pretty shallow like that. I can't count how many women I've met in college who think they are going to meet their future husband at school... I guess it could happen but most of my friends are more interested in sex and alcohol than relationships.

[mrsmaalox]

For the first 17 years I either wasnt interested or didnt have a pair of nuts to ask a girl out on a date. My senior year of high school I have the it at ude. Talk to this girl in one of my classes alot and it looked like things were going great. Our first/last date she constantly talks about memories with her ex boyfriend. "Let me pay for your ticket...it was what I did on me and my ex b/f's first date" "Lets sit in the middle...it is where me and my b/f sat" I was pissed and I ditched her at the theater and said trying to date the rest of my senior year.

I start college and more bad luck arrives. The first girl was so insecure with herself that we stopped talking. The 2nd girl was a friend who didnt have the same feelings as me. The 3rd was this recent one. I have had nothing but bad luck when it comes to dating. I have had a number of chances to do friends with benefits but the people I had a chance to do that with I liked a lot more than just wanting to them. That easily would of ed me up emotionally. I have guy friends who have girl friends and they tend to be in the right situation but it isnt like that for me at all.

Dirk, you've done the right thing trying to make the clean break. But, man, you are so young and this is only you're 4th girlfriend exerience! Concentrate on your education and making yourself the person you want to be! Believe me, at your age there are still many girls that will come and go; and if each time one of them goes a piece of you goes too, what's going to be left? This is the time to be about yourself.......soon enough your life will be about others(children) and you won't have this opportunity again for a LONG time. Go to college, have lots of friends, enjoy their company and grow your heart and mind!! The only "relationship" you need right now is with yourself; now is the time to "prepare" for the relationship. You want to enter a relationship being the most well rounded, self-actualized person you can be; otherwise it's not fair to you or the other person. You sound like a very sensitive person-that's okay;just be sure you control your sensitivity and not hand it to someone else to control. Your mental health is very important; if you think you need professional help-get it. You'll need every tool available once you get out into the "real world"!

Sorry if I sound too motherish, but I am mother and I can't help it!! And also...here goes....."Listen to me, I've already been through all that" and "IF I only knew then what I know now"! I'll refrain from the jumping off a cliff and clean underwear stuff. Good luck to you!! My best wishes are with you!!

[J.T.]

For the first 17 years I either wasnt interested or didnt have a pair of nuts to ask a girl out on a date. My senior year of high school I have the it at ude. Talk to this girl in one of my classes alot and it looked like things were going great. Our first/last date she constantly talks about memories with her ex boyfriend. "Let me pay for your ticket...it was what I did on me and my ex b/f's first date" "Lets sit in the middle...it is where me and my b/f sat" I was pissed and I ditched her at the theater and said trying to date the rest of my senior year.

I start college and more bad luck arrives. The first girl was so insecure with herself that we stopped talking. The 2nd girl was a friend who didnt have the same feelings as me. The 3rd was this recent one. I have had nothing but bad luck when it comes to dating. I have had a number of chances to do friends with benefits but the people I had a chance to do that with I liked a lot more than just wanting to them. That easily would of ed me up emotionally. I have guy friends who have girl friends and they tend to be in the right situation but it isnt like that for me at all.

"You know what your problem is? You're putting the pussy on a pedestal."

Don't be Steve Carrell!

Honestly Dirk it seems like you are treating every woman you meet as a potential relationship/spouse candidate. That certainly could be the case but you definitely aren't going to have a relationship with every woman you meet. And after the first couple of times you talk to a woman, if no sparks go off, then you are mostdef relegated to "Friend Zone" status. Honestly, unless you have WATERMELON BALLS of confidence the first time you talk, you're probably in the Friend Zone after the first meeting.

What you need to do is watch the movie "Hitch" with your woman, then when the movie is over, use one of the lines in the movie on her...but do it with a lot of confidence. If that doesn't AT LEAST get you to first base then I will... I don't know, I'll have to think of something. I was going to say root for the Mavs for a year but I can't do that.

[angel_luv]

Lots of good advice to you.

I would add, consider talking to a local pastor. He would likely be caring and compassionate. Also he could inform you of fun activities for people your age at that church.

If you have a Bible, read Psalms- there are a lot of comforting passages there.

Another idea, be extra conscious about nutrition when you are stressed. Eat foods with antioxidants and exercise.
Not a cure all by any means but it helps.

I think you are being very brave and are making excellent strides. Keep up the great work.

I will pray for you.

[Bigzax]

if you're "bipolar". you'll ing know. cuz when it hits you? sheeyyyyyiiittttt

superman or suicide.


too many women out there man...don't stress this philly, cuz it's too late. there's baggage. you were great for the cuddle but not for the ride? that. lates. if she wanted to be with you tomorrow, that thought will always be there...or at least for a uva long time...

next.

[atxrocker]

emo in forum. you gotta prob for sure... you're a ing nobody reject. NOONE on this board can help you with that . sack it up, quit cryin and man the up. on top of that, you're one of the crappiest trolls ever to register on the board, man up and cry on your real screenname, then i MAY pretend to give enough of a to act like i care or like you're the only mother er to ever go through this .

[mavs>spurs2]

emo in forum. you gotta prob for sure... you're a ing nobody reject. NOONE on this board can help you with that . sack it up, quit cryin and man the up. on top of that, you're one of the crappiest trolls ever to register on the board, man up and cry on your real screenname, then i MAY pretend to give enough of a to act like i care or like you're the only mother er to ever go through this .

Dude he's not a troll and being bi-polar is no joke.

[TheSanityAnnex]

Is this Ruffnreadyoz's troll?

[Slydragon]

http://www.healthboards.com/boards/hbcategory.php

take a look at the Bipolar,Anxiety and Depression board, I went here when my grandma pass away and I got depress.

[RuffnReadyOzStyle]

Is this Ruffnreadyoz's troll?

Ah, no, I wouldn't joke about mental illness having been around people whose lives it has severely affected. That just shows how little you understand me (not that you are meant to, but anyway).

[J.T.]

Bipolar was created by the US government.

[Clutch20]

Dude, your tapestry of life is an assortment of assembled weavings. Without trying to get too analytical, new-agey, or touchy-feely here, I'll say that you've got to have the overall pattern woven about your life with all the basics; routine, productivity, creativity (this forum) humor, job/life goals filling out the gaps in your totality.

Then that's when the pretty little bird (s) will flitter onto your outstretched arms.

It seems, out of men, females want excitement and danger somehow mixed in with comfort and security, a dubious mix but attainable.

Keep doing whatever you're doing right now to make a good future for yourself through your present endeavors; try to aviod having a hazy and mumbly explanation, at the ready, of what your life goals are because what you need to say, when the opportunity presents itself, is a clear-cut, consise summation that can readily be spoken to your love interest THAT CONVEYS NORMALCY, CERTAINTY, AND LOVE OF FUN! It helps to say all this stuff like you really mean it and are totally familiar with everything in that little speech, because more often than not, they will listen 20% with their ears and 80% with their heart.

It helps also to remember that women who are willing to spend their time with you (unselfishly) are gifts.........and they have to be treated that way. We men can't attach name tags to them. They're not ours, even in marriage, there's a chance that we could possibly lose them to age or disease then they go away anyways and we're back at square one.

Somehow, all that aforementioned stuff adds to our body language and subtle visuals as we speak to them that we're not proprietary in nature, but instead equal partners, even though that notion is really not spoken out loud.

Finally, try to think globally. Males are linear by nature. Point A to point B is our best way. But most females take everything visual in, analyze through an emotional filter, and react to an experience with a roundness. Then they either open up like a blossom to embrace or neatly package the encounter with a see-through plastic wrap for easy disposal. Heck, men stand there with hands in pockets and wonder whathahel they looking at or thinking, because we, existing there in that same environment, don't see, think, hear, smell or even taste the same things they're experiencing, but those differences are what make the relationship so itchy-scratchy wonderful to persevere through.

Well, I want to say more but this being a dated topic....maybe more advice to be given later, hmmmmm..........

[atxrocker]

if you want my honest advice, forget about her. she will never ing love you. you can't make someone who doesn't. she's a dime a dozen. the whole other fish in the sea thing is true. her.

[Dirk Nowitzki]

emo in forum. you gotta prob for sure... you're a ing nobody reject. NOONE on this board can help you with that . sack it up, quit cryin and man the up. on top of that, you're one of the crappiest trolls ever to register on the board, man up and cry on your real screenname, then i MAY pretend to give enough of a to act like i care or like you're the only mother er to ever go through this .

i like the troll comment. As for the rest of this post... You said the things I have ran through my head and motivation like manning up is true. It wasnt just about this girl (who I ended things on good terms with). This was literally about me. I know I am not the only person who has ever gone through depression. I never said that. My biggest problem is my faith in general. When situations with friends change (in terms of losing touch and all) it killed me inside. I never was positive about the situation. I lacked the faith and patience to know that things happen for a reason and to really believe in that. I am sorry if this pissed you off. I have been literally trying to figure out what the has been wrong with me for several months now. My mindset on so many things is so unstable. I know the message board isnt the complete cure but I desperatly needed to vent with no one around my apartment at the time.