I hear you. When I realized I was an atheist, my life changed for the better. I realized that there wasn't going to be any afterlife and so I should enjoy every day that I have in this finite life that I live. I realized that I do not have eternal life and therefore, I can't waste time worrying about unimportant like what others think, my place in society, etc. I realized that after I'm gone or my loved ones are gone, we are not going to reunite in heaven, so I make sure that they constantly know how much I love and care about them because I may never see them again. I realized that there is no afterlife and therefore, I need to do all I can to improve my life and the lives of others because we only get one shot at this thing. I realized that if there is going to be any "paradise" it's going to have to take place here on Earth and as such, I try to be as kind as I can to others. I realized that we are all here for only an infinitesimal period of time in so we shouldn't waste our lives being divided and hating each other over trivial .