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You take it one day at a time. Don't dwell on the 'what ifs'. And eat ice cream. Lots of ice cream.
Hang in there...
How do you get over a broken heart? I've been dating this guy for a couple months now, and even though it was a short time, I honestly felt that he was "The One" I'd never, ever felt that way about anyone before. I'm a very practical minded person, and I don't just date around or whatever. I trusted this guy, thought I knew him and vice versa. And the way he ended things, maybe it's because honestly, I was never dumped before, but I just couldn't believe how wrong I was about him. And he broke it off with me, not because he didn't feel the same way about me, but because of external cir stances out of both of our control.
My question is, how do you get over it, how do people learn to trust others in future relationships after being shattered by someone? I can honestly say, I have never, ever cried over a guy. In fact, whenever any of my friends would cry or bemoan over men or bad relationships, I'd tell them to toughen up and that it wasn't meant to be. But now that it's me, and I'm in that situation for the first time...I honestly am just in shock. I can't decide if I'm more mad at me, him, or the situation in general.
So anyone care to share their heartbroken experiences? And no...please keep all the jokes out. I'm honestly not in the mood...
You take it one day at a time. Don't dwell on the 'what ifs'. And eat ice cream. Lots of ice cream.
Hang in there...
I feel your pain.
Stay busy and S is right, one day at a time. Time is the best way to heal. I've been there my friend. For me it was the death curse of "but we are too good friends" or "you're like a brother to me" AAAAAHHHHH!!!!
(For the record, both are cop outs and bull excuses)
Getting that trust back is tough and at the moment you are not sure its possible but it is and it will happen.
Stay strong.
You shouldn't be mad at anyone, it happens. If it's out of your control, and it's over, you gotta let go. Hanging on to it will just keep you miserable. You can really never know what's going on in someone else's head, and your happiness should not be dependent on anyone else. It's easy to say those things, but if you can realize them you're on your way. Reading the Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz really helped me out when my marriage ended abruptly:
The book is short, to the point, and you can pick up a copy just about anywhere.1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any cir stance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
External cir stances...so you guys didn't have much of an option? If that's the case, that sucks...I'm sort of in the same situation as you with my girlfriend. We've been together for over a year and we can't see ourselves without eachother, but it's going to be hard for our relationship to continue very long.
I'd say take a weekend, sequester yourself in the house and then smoke some weed. No joke.
Here's some more good advice:
i had my ex punch me in the face...thats the last time i saw her, but she broke her knuckles and i was just fine(true story)
There's plenty of "he/she's the one"s out there.
It sucks, but if you believe in a higher power, then just realize it was meant to be and theres somoene better waiting.
It's tough, but the old cliche is true that time heals all wounds, especially for break ups. Spend some time alone to grieve, which you are justified in doing, but then take the mindset that life must go on and then have a night out with your best or closest friends. They will always help to cheer you up and move on. Laugher helps a bunch, so be around people that normally make you laugh.
Do things to take your mind off of it. Focus on work, family, friends, etc. Go out and have fun.
Sorry to hear about it. If you want, I can arrange to have some guys beat the crap out of him.
I'm so sorry you're in pain.
Like others have said, time will help you heal and move on. Allow yourself to feel what you're feeling. Shock, anger, pain, it's all part of it and you need to let yourself go through all the phases of it in order to heal. If you don't it will all find ways to seep into your life and make you miserable longer. You'll know when you're ready to move on. Keep busy, and remember that "The One" is out there. I'm sure you'll find him.
Don't dwell on the past whether it was good or bad and carry on with family and friends to help to you along.Dont let the way this relationship ended convince you not to trust the next sig other. Trust is the glue that binds the relationship.If you can't trust anybody then don't get too involved in the relationship, otherwise you get burned.
Tell em you got herpes, then see who has the last laugh.
time heals all wounds...there's really nothing you can do. i feel your pain...mine was a summer love from last year that fizzled off and on throughout the year. once you let go, you've got to really let go and let time do the work. good luck
....
"And he broke it off with me, not because he didn't feel the same way about me, but because of external cir stances out of both of our control."
I don't understand that at all.
Anyways you don't get over it. You just get closure. It'll always be there. I'm pretty sick and tired of people going on about how time will heal all wounds or, one day you'll get over it. Well, you won't. It will always be there, that feeling of when you was in love with that person. What happens is the memories fade and the heart finds a new love or they just get harder over it. Dust settles and feelings fade.
I believe everything happens for a reason. Some doors closed lets other doors open, and in most cases you won't see the door open for quite some time. I have helped two other people in massive breakups since I quit my drug problems and finally ditched my ex of four years, and I tell them straight like I just told you. They tell me now it was some of the best advice they ever got. Instead of sugar coating the situation and being babied, or telling yourself typical solutions or hearing typical advice.
I might get flamed for my post but oh well. To end, all I can say is cry. Let it out. If you need to punch the out of the bed or whatever do it. Don't hold anything in, all it will do is come out at the most inopportune time. Don't bottle things. Be logical. Understand life is about love and loss and everyone experiences some level of it at least once. No matter how depressed you might be, force yourself to go out even if it's alone. Don't be afraid to find a friend close to you and reach out to them. Now is the time you find out who your friends are, who will be there for you.
Buy yourself something real nice honey.
Be glad you are not homeless.
Some great advice in this thread.
leemajors - those 4 quotes are spot-on. I try to live my life by similar values.
1Parker1, I don't understand why you feel let down by HIM if you were broken up by cir stances beyond either of your control - that doesn't make sense. If it is out of either of your hands, shouldn't you be angry at the Universe? Oh, and if you really do love each other and you feel he's your future and he feels the same, don't let the world get in the way! Make it happen, whatever it takes! I've made that mistake (letting go of someone I could and should have spent the rest of my life with), don't be left wondering what might have been.
I'm in the opposite position to you - I've been alone too long and I think it's slowly driving me crazy...
1Parker1 -- Sorry to hear you're going through tough times. I know the feeling for sure.
Hard to give any blanket advice for you, since no two situations are alike, and I'm a guy so I'm giving advice from the opposite side. For it's worth though -- here's what helped me years ago.....after lots of disappointment in the dating scene and a couple of crushing heartbreaks, I gave up on dating and looking for "the right girl" and completely threw myself into my work. All emotions, including angst and hurt, went toward that. 100%. No need to go into specifics unless you really want them, but it essentially meant that I began building a freelance career that I always dreamed of and abandoned what most folks would consider a stable professional career (whatever that means these days!). Basically, I made a life-changing decision, but it was because I realized I was unhappy with the course of my life. The result: it made me focus fulltime on building a life that I was proud of, and left me no time for looking for love. Funny thing is that as my confidence in myself grew, my dating life and prospects improved mightily. Looking back, it's probably not a coincidence. The life-changing decision happened back in 2001, so it's been a while, but I'm happily married now and the crushing heartbreaks that made me feel an inch high and like I wanted to vomit.....those things are ancient history, even though they happened within the last ten years. Bottom line: focus on yourself and make yourself into who you want to be, and love will come looking for you on your terms rather than on someone else's. I'm not saying you've gotta junk your old life the way I did, but crushing breakups give you a lot of fuel for rebuilding. Use it to your advantage.
Time heals most wounds but more importantly every relationship you have been in to this point manifest itself into that one special relationship in the end, so while you may be hurting now over your recent break-up, when you do find Mr. Right, this life lesson will remind you appreciate him and your relationship even more...
Give yourself proper time to get over it. Start loving yourself and take care of yourself before you let someone else in your life. Then when somebody does come along, you have to realize that its a completly different person, and they deserve your trust. If you want to fall in love you have to let yourself be a little vulnerable, even if you feel you are scared to trust him. You just have to until they prove you wrong.
True.Bottom line: focus on yourself and make yourself into who you want to be, and love will come looking for you on your terms rather than on someone else's.
The right guy for you is out there, 1Parker1, and both you and he will be so happy when he finds you.
I am praying for you.
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