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lol. This thread will not end well.
About 3 weeks ago i was at a party with some coworkers and some refurgees from houston galveston and port arthur
one of my fellow party goers told a joke that began like this
4 men walk into a camping store
1 man is white
1 man is hispanics
the other 2 men are blacks
I CANT REMEMBER THE END OF THE JOKE!
But it was funny!!!!!!!!
I googled for the joke. checked kazaa. and all the bit torrents.
got nothing.
tried yahoo answers
got nothng. nada. zilch.
maybe you can help.
?
thanks.
lol. This thread will not end well.
mouse forum
Go rent
i would but i owe blockbuster 74.34 in late fees
and i aint payin all that just to watch some cracka inbreed with republicans.
BlockBuster left me a voicemail saying that i owed 98.09 in late fees and i still have a copy of american history x out.
is it l ike this
not funny
A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker get captured by cannibals.
The Chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you. We will put you in a pot and cook you, then we'll eat you, and then we'll use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says, "I take ze sword." The chief gives him a sword, the Frenchman cries "Vive la France!" and runs himself through.
The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief hands him a gun, the Englishman points it at his head saying "God save the Queen!", and blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over; the stomach, sides, chest, everywhere. There's blood gushing all over the place, it's horrible.
The chief is appalled and asks, "God almighty, what are you doing?"
The New Yorker sneers and says, "So much for your canoe, you stupid !"
Here are two that are sure fire slam dunks when pulled on an unsuspecting drunk bas or a straight up dumbass.
Hey you hear about that one party tonight?
What party?
The one in your mouth and everyone's coming.
--
Hey what's that state that's famous for potatoes?
Idaho.
You da ho? OK, I'll be the pimp.
A young woman from New York City was driving through a remote part of Oklahoma when her car broke down.
An Indian came riding by on horseback and offered to give her a lift to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride into town was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a loud whoop that echoed back from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in Bartlesville, he let her off at the local Phillips 66 service station, yelled one final, "Yahoo!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant.
"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians ride bareback."
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:
"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."
There was a man who wanted a pure wife. So he started to attend church to find a woman. He met a gal who seemed nice so he took her home.
When they got there, he whips out his manhood and asks "What's this?"
She replies "A ."
He thinks to himself that she is not pure enough. A couple of weeks later he meets another gal and soon takes her home. Again, he pulls out his manhood and asks the question.
She replies "A ". He is angry because she seemed more pure than the first but, oh well. A couple of weeks later he meets a gal who seems real pure. She won't go home with him for a long time but eventually he gets her to his house.
He whips it out and asks, "What is this?"
She giggles and says "A pee-pee."
He thinks to himself that he has finally found his woman. They get married but after several months every time she sees his member she giggles and says, "That's your pee-pee."
He finally breaks down and says "Look this is not a pee-pee, it is a ."
She laughs and says "No it's not, a is ten inches long and black."
There was an Amish girl that had just come of age to date. Her mother was helping her get ready to go out that night.
As she was about ready she put on some gloves, because it was to be cold that night, and the Amish still ride in buggies.
Her mother asked, "why are you wearing gloves?" She continued by saying that it wasn't lady like to wear gloves.
The Girl said to her mother, "it's supposed to be cold tonight, what do I do with my hands if they get cold?"
Her mother replied, "just stick your hands between your knees, and they will get warm." So the girl agreed. Her date picked her up and they went on there way.
On their way home her hands got cold, so following her mother's orders, she stuck her hands between her knees.
Her date looked over and said, "what on earth do you have your hands between your legs for?"
She replied, "my mother told me that if my hands got cold, to stick them between my legs to get them warm."
Her date said to her, "well my is frozen solid do you care if I stick it between your legs to get it warm?"
The girl said, "well I don't see any harm in it." So he did.
After returning home from her date she asked her mother, "What do you know about them there s?"
Her mother said, "Why what do you know about s?"
The girl looked at her mother and said, "All I know is that when they thaw out they make an awful mess!"
During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something - at least they would die laughing.
The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my against the table?"
The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his out and whammed it on the table. Just when the hit the table, a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were the captain and the navigator.
As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator, "Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?"
The navigator told him how he hit his against the table.
The captain replied, "Well, in the future you better be careful with that of yours. The torpedo missed!"
Three guys---a black, white and jew---want to join a fraternity. The frat boys tell them that they have to collectively have 20" of .
The black guy goes first and boasts "we are half way there" and whips out a 10 incher.
The white guy then proudly whips out an 8 incher.
The Jewish guy is sweating profusely as he pulls out a small pecker as the crowd gasps. The pecker is measuered at 2 inches. The three guys start high fiving and celebrating as they made the 20" rule.
Afterwards the black guy boasts, "you guys should be glad I had a 10 incher!" The white guy says, "you guys should be glad I had an 8 incher!!"
The Jewish guy said..."You guys should be glad I had an erection."
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car.
Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.
Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, "Daddy what in the heck was that ?!?"
Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey."
The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says. "Sure had a big ."
**********************************
A man goes to the doctor with erectile problems. The doctor there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery. The doctor tells him they take the muscles from the base of a baby elephants trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best. Faced with the alternative, he consents.
Surgery goes well, and after recovery, the man gets the green light to see how everything is working.
He takes is girlfriend to dinner. During the date, he begins feeling an incredible pressure in his pants. It becomes so painful he discreetly unzips his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops up above the table, grabs a dinner roll, and disappears . After a moment of shock, his girlfriend, now excited, says "That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?", to which the man replies, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another dinner roll up my ass!".
Okay....okay.....here is another one:
A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells the doc he thinks he is gay. The doc asks why and the man says, "Because my brother is gay." The doc says, "Son, that is no reason to make you gay. Is there any other reason?"
The man says, "Yes...my father is gay."
The doc again says, "Interesting, but that would not mean you are gay, and asks if there are any other reasons."
The man says, "Well yes, my grandfather is gay."
The doc is clearly dumbfounded and says, "Son, let me see if I have this right: Your brother, father and grandfather are gay. Is there anyone in your family that likes pussy?"
The young man replies, "Yes, my sister does."
The hurricane came unexpectedly.
The ship went down and all was lost. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing to do. Only bananas and coconuts.
So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and longed for his old life. He fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him.
In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone else survived. How many are there? You were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Its only me," she said, " and the rowboat didn't wash up; nothing did." He was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of materials that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other side of the island there is a very unusual rock formation exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware."
"But enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?" Sheepishly, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time. "Well, let's row over to my place, then." she said.
After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked to the shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like a drink?" "No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two s s honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto it's end. "This woman is amazing," he thought. "What next?"
When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vines and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she began, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stared into his eyes.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"You mean--?" he replied,
"I can check my e-mail from here?"
Anti-Broke Back Mountain Story.....
Two long time hunting and fishing buddies decided to go on a campming trip. After three days they got a bit tired of each other and decided to take seperate hikes. One of the guys would take the trail leading to the south while the other guy took the trail leading to the north. Both agreed to be back at camp by sundown.
When they returned, the guy that took the north hike was excited to tell his story. He said he followed the trail that went by a pristine river, which lead to a flower filled meadow overlooking a large mountain with all kinds of wildlife all around. He had never seen such beauty and felt so close to nature.
The other guy said he followed the south trail and it lead him to some railroad tracks. He followed the tracks and found a beautiful maiden tied to the tracks. He quickly untied the maiden and proceded to have mind blowing sex with her for hours.
His friend asked, "Hey.....did you get a blow job too?"
At which point his buddy replied..."Nah, I couldn't find her head."
fixed!
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