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The following is a list of things Matt Bonner can't do:
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with all the trade rumors and all, i am trying to remember that its the AS break and almost nothing matters (trades are exceptions) so i decided to c and p and write some matt bonner facts. these are true.
If you have five dollars and Matt Bonner has five dollars, Matt has more money than you.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Matt Bonner's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Apple pays Matt Bonner 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
Matt Bonner can sneeze with his eyes open.
Matt can eat just one Lay's potato chip.
Bonner destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
The Red Rocket can kill two stones with one bird.
Matt Bonner can touch MC Hammer.
The Red Baron CAN believe it's not butter.
Matt Bonner invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and the three point shot-- in that order.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Matt Bonner pajamas.
Add em if you got em
The following is a list of things Matt Bonner can't do:
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---P. Table=Gold
That's hilarious
The word 'Kill' was invented by Matt Bonner. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.
Matt Bonner is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists.
The 11th commandment is “Thou shalt not piss off Matt Bonner” This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.
Matt Bonner is his own line at the DMV.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Unless you're Matt Bonner. Then two wrongs make a roundhouse kick to the face.
Who let the dogs out? Matt Bonner let the dogs out... and then roundhouse kicked them through an Oldsmobile.
Matt Bonner can do a roundhouse kick faster than the speed of light. This means that if you turn on a light switch, you will be dead before the lightbulb turns on.
When Matt Bonner goes to out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.
Matt Bonner sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled three point shooting ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Matt roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
Matt Bonner has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.
If Matt Bonner wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.
Not everyone that Matt Bonner is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
Matt Bonner has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
A movie scene depicting Matt Bonner losing a fight with Bruce Lee was the product of history's most expensive visual effect. When adjusted for inflation, the effect cost more than the Gross National Product of Paraguay.
Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Matt Bonner' first visit to Tokyo.
They once made a Matt Bonner toilet paper, but there was a problem-- It wouldn't take from anybody.
Matt Bonner once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.
"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Matt Bonner gets too hot.
Matt Bonner' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Matt Bonner that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Matt Bonner doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Matt Bonner for help.
There are no such things as tornados. Matt Bonner just hates trailer parks.
Matt Bonner does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Matt Bonner.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Matt Bonner's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating that a broken leg might be the worst extent of their injuries. This never proved to be the case.
Matt Bonner’ roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Diamonds are not, despite popular belief, carbon. They are, in fact, Matt Bonner fecal matter. This was proven a recently, when scientific analysis revealed what appeared to be Jean-Claude Van Damme bone fragments inside the Hope Diamond.
Matt Bonner once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.
The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Matt Bonner needed a back scratcher.
Matt Bonner was the orginal sculptor of Mount Rushmore. He completed the entire project using only a bottle opener and a drywall trowel.
Matt Bonner once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.
Matt Bonner once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
For Spring Break '05, Matt Bonner drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Matt Bonner Jumpshot. They didn't even come close.
Matt Bonner has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
Divide Matt Bonner by zero and you will in fact get one........one bad-ass that is.
TNT was originally developed by Matt Bonner to cure indigestion.
After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Matt Bonner with a handshake. The rest is history.
Matt Bonner runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Matt Bonner' theme song.
Matt Bonner will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Only Matt Bonner can prevent forest fires.
When Matt Bonner makes a burrito, its main ingredient is real toes.
Matt Bonner is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
In the movie "The Matrix", Matt Bonner is the Matrix. If you pay close attention in the green "falling code" scenes, you can make out the faint texture of his beard.
They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Matt Bonner killed the cat. Every single one of them.
There is no such thing as a lesbian, just a woman who has never met Matt Bonner.
Matt Bonner crossed the road. No one has ever dared question his motives.
One time, at band camp, Matt Bonner ate a percussionist.
Matt Bonner doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.
Matt Bonner originally wrote the first dictionary. The definition for each word is as follows - A swift roundhouse kick to the face.
Love does not hurt. Matt Bonner does.
The term "Cleveland Steamer" got its name from Matt Bonner, when he took a dump while visiting the Rock and Roll Hall of fame and buried northern Ohio under a glacier of fecal matter.
Matt Bonner once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by Matt Bonner.
matt bonner makes onions cry
when Bonner goes to Colorado, white girls rape him
We've discussed this, but if you've forgotten my two cents...
*Matt Bonner once gave me a videotape of him having sex with my wife, and it was the most beautiful damn thing I ever saw!
*Matt Bonner speaks with a faint Pig-Latin accent.
*I invited Matt Bonner to my son's baptism. He shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Matt pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calimari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!"
*Matt Bonner was the one who came up with Manifest Destiny, John L. O'Sullivan. It was Bonner!
*Were you aware that Matt Bonner has 6 toes? Someone tried to cut them off but the toe rose up and killed him. I went to the funeral. Man, even Matt felt sort of bad about that one.
*The phrase "No matter where you go, there you are" is actually
come down through the ages from an old Cherokee phrase that
translates:"No matter where you... , is that Matt Bonner?
AW , RUN!"
*Bonner has never raped a woman. This is because the moment any woman sees Bonner naked all sexual activity from that moment on is considered consensual.
This legal precedence has even been upheld by the Supreme Court in the case of Bonner vs. The Satisfied
*Matt Bonner used to hand draw every frame of 'The Flintstones' in front of a live audience and the voices were produced with his farts. of an organizer that Bonner...
*I punched Matt Bonner in the face, and he cried and begged me to stop bullying him. When I woke up - this was obviously a dream, because nothing so ludicrous could ever happen in real life - Bonner was already standing there, because he can read dreams, and he beat my ass for the next three days. I have to say I deserved it.
*When people at Wendy's tell Matt Bonner to drive to the second window...he doesn't. He sits at the first window and makes Wendy come to him.
* Matt Bonner once used a live rattle snake as a condom.
* Matt Bonner's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong.
* Matt Bonner's poop is considered currency in some countries.
* I once saw Matt Bonner scissor-kick Angela Lansbury.
* Matt Bonner once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
* Matt Bonner hates the Irish! And he's half-Irish! ...And he hates irony!
* The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Matt Bonner... except for the part about planting apple trees.
* Matt Bonner did all the makeup on the Planet of the Apes movies.
* Matt Bonner drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* Matt Bonner orchestrated the merger between UNICEF and Smith & Wesson.
* They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek by listening to Matt Bonner talk in his sleep.
* Did I ever tell you about the time Matt Bonner went hunting? Matt decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives...except Fleegle.
* We once had a bachelor party for Matt Bonner. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it.
* Matt Bonner named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that.
* If you drop a phonograph needle on Matt Bonner's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' Pet Sounds.
* Matt Bonner breastfeeds John Madden!
* Matt Bonner killed Wolfman Jack with a trident.
* Matt Bonner sleeps eight hours a night! Well, he's pretty normal when it comes to that.
* All the Yes album covers are Bonner family photos.
Additional fact:
Bonner sucks.. let's trade him.
matt bonner is a cs based in portland
matt bonner is cooking up a strong freshman campaign
matt bonner is part of the reason freshmen are responsible for 32 percent of the uf men's basketball team's offense
matt bonner is in a high profile program at uf
matt bonner is emerging as a top player for us
matt bonner is averaging
matt bonner is the most disciplined kid i've met on and off the floor
matt bonner is becoming a ptper for coach billy donovan and the gators
matt bonner is solid
matt bonner is a class act
matt bonner is still kayla's hero
matt bonner is a busi
matt bonner is one of the best in the nation
matt bonner is gone to the university florida
matt bonner is surely representing the granite state well with his performance on the hardwood at the university of florida
matt bonner is a rugged inside player
matt bonner is imperative
matt bonner is perhaps the most underrated player in the league
matt bonner is the glue that keeps it all together
matt bonner is glad
matt bonner is florida's leading scorer is because he's a perfect fit
matt bonner is one of the more underrated players in the league
matt bonner is an aj granger
matt bonner is the man
matt bonner is named as the murderer by nature's buzzards
matt bonner is a threat both inside and out
matt bonner is every bit as talented as his gator
matt bonner is averaging 15
matt bonner is fourth
matt bonner is down to virginia and florida
matt bonner is the best player you've never heard of
big red boner!
matt bonner is the best player in the NBA, but he is out of luck in ST many times
All people hail to the Red Rocket....Super Bonner is here!!
What does Chuck Norris have to do with Matt Bonner's computer?
J/K
nm
sons he is also a great singer ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0
Rick Roll me once, shame on you. Rick roll me twice...shame on me.
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