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The best thing.............spending a nice Thanksgiving meal with my husband.
The worst thing........having to come back to work.
The best part for me was spending time with a friend on Wednesday evening. We went to the Spurs game and then out for drinks. Very niceThe worst part was just that it was Thanksgiving, probably my least favorite holiday of all.
The best thing.............spending a nice Thanksgiving meal with my husband.
The worst thing........having to come back to work.
Did you do all the cooking?The best thing.............spending a nice Thanksgiving meal with my husband.
The worst thing........having to come back to work.
to the no.
Best: the food.
Worst: the arguments.
Best - spending time with my family and cooking Thanksgiving dinner with my mom.
Worst - spending time with the in-laws and not one single word being said about my son, despite it being the first time I've been face to face with any of them since he died. I honestly left wondering if they knew that our son died three months ago. Not expecting anything big or crazy, just a quick mention of him not being there or question about how we're doing or something. Not pretending like the whole thing never happened.
The ing Raiders. That was just depressing.
They probably just don't know what to say and are afraid that saying the wrong thing will hurt you much more than saying nothing. They have good intentions. Yes, I know, "the road to " and all that...
the best: The cowboys winning
the better: the g-men losing
the best: Pie!!
why didn't you just bring him up easjer?
i know i would let the parents take the lead on such a tragic and sensitive subject.
The worst part of it was that I had the flu all last week.
The good part was that having Thanksgiving off provided me with some much needed time to rest.
And we had pumpkin pie! Shortage smortage!
best part? family, friends, smoke, eats, football, some quality tv time and best of all, time away from work.
worst. car trouble.
I was just so shocked that there was no mention at all. I'm sure that there was no harm meant, possibly they were waiting for us to take the lead (hint: 8-9 out of 10 people who have lost a loved one, especially a child, love to talk about their departed loved ones. And they are thinking of them. You can't 'remind' them), but . . . not even a 'how are you doing?' with a significant look.
I recognize this is an area where I am extremely prickly and I try to be gracious and understanding, but it doesn't always happen. I have no problem bringing him up with strangers and bringing him into casual conversation, as Gabriel is very much a part of our lives. I think I just expected that his relatives would have made some mention or allusion to him.
When we left, I turned to SFIE and said, "Do they know that we had a son? And that he died? Like, three months ago? I didn't just imagine all of this, right?" Because it was so bizarre to sit there and experience it, like nothing ever happened.
I may buy them an ornament with his name on it for their tree, possibly give them a picture (we have one really beautiful one where he looks like a normal baby, if tiny, sleeping).
It's just such an awkward thing for them Easjer. When I went thru that, I found that the hardest part for me was knowing how confused and lost people were about how to treat me. I actually felt bad that others had to deal with it. What I ended up doing was following the advice of a friend who said "let someone handle it for you". If my husband wasn't there to do it (like when I went back to work) my best friend talked to everyone before I returned. She told them I was doing well, and that I knew they cared but might feel awkard not knowing what to say. And it was fine with me if they didn't say anything, I understood. I was surprised how many people told me they appreciated me giving them an out and it made it much easier for them to be themselves and really express themselves.
Yeah, I know that. I understand, and even sympathize, I really do. I just get tired of trying to make it easier for other people. I know that's not very nice or generous or selfless of me, but it gets so exhausting constantly pushing our grief aside to make it more comfortable. And we're doing pretty well overall. I just had expectations of them because they are family that were off, and I found it disappointing and hurtful. Now we know and if I want Gabriel to be acknowledged at Christmas, then I know I have to make that happen in a non-threatening way.
Best: Turkey, Dos Equis, Football (Cowboys win!), Family, Chocolate Pie, More Football (Texas wins!), Smoke, Friends, Parmesan Mashed Potatoes, Egg Nog & Rum, and Paid Vacation
Worst: Having to go back to work this morning
Just a thought:
No doubt all your family is really grieving the loss of Gabriel. And maybe they aren't saying anything because talking about it is too overwhelming for them.
I know it was a long time before I could talk about my dad after his death. It just hurt too much. And my Dad's death made a lot more sense than the loss of a precious little baby. My dad had lived a fairly long and very good life. Gabriel was only with you guys a few minutes- so his death was all the more a tragedy and loss.
My mom was like you are about Gabriel- very eager to remember and discuss Dad.
I on the other hand wanted very much to mourn in silence.
It caused a lot of friction between us- none that was intentional.
Both of us were greatly grieving; we just expressed it in very different ways.
I hope this helps you. I am still praying for you guys and think of you both and Gabriel often.
Best = having a lazy day filled with great food and family
Worst = knowing I would eventually have to come back to the real world...ugh!
Best: time with my parents, with the kitties (minus one since last year...RIP Slinky) and good food, lots of sleep and relaxation time.
Worst: Seeing how my aunt is raising my little cousin (who just started high school) like a total wussbag.
One example: he stood in the doorway of the bathroom with teh shower on for a few minutes screaming for his mother because he didn't have his favorite shampoo in the shower. He made her go get his favorite shampoo but didn't tell her where it was in his room. The shower had about 3 bottles of different shampoo in it too. I remind you guys he's 15.
I had a conversationw tih my parents asking if I was this annoying when I was 15 and they said I was much more mature. And they wish they could help raise this kid but his mother is always right no matter what, and nothing can get through to her.
Pigging out with the family was great. I cooked 3 turkeys, 1 honey glazed ham, 2 pork shoulders, and 1 lamb shoulder. I can humbly state that they all came out AWESOME LOL.
Then fired up the big outdoor wood burning stove and the 65 inch big screen on the porch to watch UT beat A&M. Go Texas! beat Nebraska! I want to see UT and Florida in the national championship game.
If you are pushing your grief aside, that is your choice. I don't think you can fairly hold that against anyone. And as far as having expectations of how other people should react to certain situations, well that's almost a guarantee that you will be disappointed and hurt. If you want your son acknowledged openly, then you need to do it and that will let them know that it's not a taboo subject. They probably just don't know that.
This was the worst Thanksgiving ever.
My niece who is 3 mos old was found not breathing. She didn't have a heart beat in the ambulance, but now she has one, but is in the hospital not doing well. I don't know whats going to happen.If she'll make it or not. Only time will tell...
OMG I'm so sorry. You and your family are in my thoughts. Please keep us posted.This was the worst Thanksgiving ever.
My niece who is 3 mos old was found not breathing. She didn't have a heart beat in the ambulance, but now she has one, but is in the hospital not doing well. I don't know whats going to happen.
Thank you.
I know the good people here will keep her in thier thoughts and prayers. Her name is Miracle by the way.
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