You have eluded me for yet another year. I still haven't gotten my Turtle Van I requested when I was 9. You have ruined my life. Every Christmas I try to stay awake to wait on you so I can bust a cap in your ass yet, somehow I always fall asleep. How come you never eat the cookies I leave for you that are laced with poison? How do you know?

It doesn't matter.

Don't let me catch you in the streets. Real talk.

Die slow,
Mav-elous