Trail Blazers fans pass out from hold their breath waiting for injury

[rayjayjohnson]

Greg Oden performing the crippling Portland offensive play known as Pick and Roll on the Ground in Agony

PORTLAND, OR - Paramedics in the Greater Portland region today were overwhelmed with calls from local Trail Blazer fans who had suffered injury after hold their breath for too long waiting for the inevitable news that one of their star players had gone down with injury.

"It was hectic," said Paramedic Mary-Jane Rottencrotch "I treated this one guy who'd held his breath for so long waiting for Gerald Wallace to blow out his knee that he passed out and hit his head on the pavement". Numerous similar incidents were observed throughout the city, with even former player Brandon Roy falling victim, passing out and having a walking stick jammed into his anus.

"I'm not sure what to think," said local middle-aged man T Long the II "I mean, I try and stay positive spamming internet forums with useless threads that no one pays attention to, but at the end of the day I have to admit that as much talent as we show doesn't mean when out knees collectively shatter."

"None of this would have happened if we'd just drafted Durant" said another local resident, a Mr Gregory Oden.

More to follow

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[ElNono]

[timvp]

8.14159/10

[jjktkk]

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Tlong middle aged? How old is this report?