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Rack !
Some of these are technically incorrect, but the spirit is there:
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1.) It is ok for a Man to cry under the following cir stances:
- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
- After wrecking your boss' car.
- One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
- When she is using her teeth.
2.) Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his friends.
3.) Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
4.) If you've known a Man for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
5.) Moaning about the brand of free beer in a friend's fridge is forbidden. Complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6.) No Man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Man. In fact, even remembering your friend's birthday is strictly optional.
7.) On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
8.) When stumbling upon other men watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
9.) It is permissible to drink a fruity alcopop drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
10.) Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another Man in the nuts.
11.) Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
12.) Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
13.) If a Man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
15.) A Man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
16.) Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both - that's just mean.
17.) If you compliment a Man on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
18.) Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
19.) Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another Man while lifting weights:
- Yeah, Baby, Push it!
- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
- Another set and we can hit the showers!
20.) Never talk to a Man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21.) Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
22.) The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was.
23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
24.) When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
25.) You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call 'BULL !'. Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent.
26.) The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
27.) Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
28.) Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
29.) The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
30.) A Man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
31.) When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
32.) If a buddy is out-numbered, out-Manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin.", then you may sit back and enjoy.
33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
34.) Under no cir stances may two men share an umbrella.
35.) When a buddy is trying to hook up, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives you no chance of hooking up either.
36.) Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a " OFF!" You are absolved of your of responsibility.
37.) Never, EVER slap or smack another Man.
Rack !
It is gay if even one guy is singing.33.) If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.
Not if it's Bohemian Rhapsody it ain't!
UnderstandableNot if it's Bohemian Rhapsody it ain't!
14.) Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
This is wrong, by the way. Some women do love to watch sports.
very true. i for instance, am fascinated by womens beach volleyball, even though, i actually have no interest what so ever in volleball.
Is with your SO considered ... being in prison?
It is also allowable to cry when your dad dies.
What little would cry when Angelina Jolie opens her blouse? Or when you crash your boss's car? 'em. (Both)
I have shared an umbrella on the golf course....guilty.
It didn't say that women don't love to watch sports. It only says that women who claims they do must first be put on probation.
whatever
Hey, I'm just reporting. I didn't make them.
I have it on good authority that Manu himself wrote #14.
Kori and I know a couple who met because the the girl pretended to like baseball and just memorized the team's starting lineup to impress the guy. It worked and they ended up getting married.
Any girl who actually likes sports can easily "demonstrate knowledge of the game". That can be accomplished in a comment or two.
So yeah, I can't argue with that one.
Some of those chicks are hot.23.) There is no reason for guys to watch Men's Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
^ Thats why it says "mens"
What is it about Bohemian Rhapsody that gets everyone singing.....
, guess I should have read that one more closely.^ Thats why it says "mens"
What is it about Bohemian Rhapsody that gets everyone singing.....
Man the best one was if a guy brings a camera to a bachelor party, the rest of the guys are allowed to kill him and eat him ha hah ah aha ha ha ha that is funny
They forgot the rule about hugging another guy. Unless it's your father or son, don't do it.
What if it is just a hand shake with a back pound?
Actually, that is gayer than a straight hug.
I think there is an exception if some sort of sports championship is involved.
Also, there is no discussion in the men's room unless the comments are made while facing the wall/urinal and all comments are made as if they were a public announcement.
Facing the wall and your head should be tilted at an upward angle.I think there is an exception if some sort of sports championship is involved.
Also, there is no discussion in the men's room unless the comments are made while facing the wall/urinal and all comments are made as if they were a public announcement.
Not if it's Bohemian Rhapsody it ain't!
Not....if .....it.....is .....a .....song.....by.....Queen.
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Got it.
Nothin wrong with hugging.
Unless of course you are insecure about your own sexuality. Then, dont do it!
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