Let me have your attention for a moment!
So you're talking about what? You're talking about - in' about that lottery pick you shot, some son of a don't want to play with Kobe, somebody don't want what you're sellin', some team you're trying to screw and so forth. Let's talk about something important. Are they all here?...Well, I'm going anyway. Let's talk about something important! (To Culburn) Put that coffee down!! Coffee's for closers only. Do you think I'm in' with you? I am not in' with you. I'm here from downtown. I'm here from the NBA Forum, and I'm here on a mission of mercy. Your name's Killakobe81?...You call yourself a fan, you son of a ?
(KK81 “I don’t have to read this ”)
You certainly don't, pal. 'Cause the good news is - you're ed. The bad news is - you've got, all of you got, just one season to regain your dignity, starting with tonight. Starting with tonight's sit. Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this year's NBA contest. As you all know, first prize is a shiny new ring. Anybody want to see second prize? Second prize iss a 14 incher. Third prize is you're banned. You get the picture? You laughing now? You got players. MItch and Fredo paid good money for Kobe. Get the bas to earn it! You can't close the deal you're given, you can't close , you are . Hit the bricks, pal, and beat it 'cause you are going out!...
(Koolaid man: 'The role players are weak.')
'The role players are weak.' ing role players are weak? You're weak. I've been in the playoffs fifteen years straight.
(Culburn: "What's your name?")
YOU, that's my name!!
You know why, Mister? 'Cause you drove a Julius Randle to get here tonight, I drove a 2014 NBA Championship. That's my name!! And your name is '
you're wanting.' And you can't play in a man's game. You can't close them out, (whispering) Then go home and tell Katie your troubles. Because the only one thing counts in this life! Get them to sign on the line which is dotted for less than 48.5 million! You hear me, you ing gots?
A-B-C. A-always, B-be, C-closing. Always be closing! Always be closing! A-I-D-A. Attention, interest, decision, action. Attention: do I have your attention? Interest: are you interested? I know you are 'cause it's or walk. You close or you hit the bricks! Decision: have you made your decision for Christ?! And Action. A-I-D-A. Get out there! You got the prospects comin' in. You had Kevin Love, you’ve got Boozer, you had Pau, you’ve had Howard, Shaq, Bynum, Nash, Artest... You think they came in to get out of the rain? A guy don't walk on the court lest he wants to play. They're sitting out there waiting to give you their skills! Are you gonna take them? Are you man enough to take them?
(To Luva) What's the problem, pal? You, Paki!
(Luva: "You're such a hero, you're so rich. How come you're comin' down here and waste your time with such a bunch of bums in the NBA forum?.")
(Removing his gold championship ring)
You see this ring? You see this ring?...That ring cost less than your ONE ing player. I won a championship last year. What did you win? You see, pal, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice guy? I don't give a . Good troll? you -- go home and play with your laptop!! You wanna reside here? Close!! You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you sucker? You can't take this -- how can you take the abuse you get on during the playoffs?! You don't like it -- leave, Dale does. I can go out there with the players you got, win 50 games next season! Can you? Can you? Go and do likewise!
A-I-D-A!! Get mad, you son of a es! Get mad!! You know what it takes to compete in the West? It takes brass balls to compete in the West.
Go and do likewise, gents. The ring's out there, you pick it up, it's yours. You don't -- I got no sympathy for you. You wanna go out on those back to backs and close. Close! It's yours. If not, you're gonna be
shinin' my shoes. And you know what you'll be sayin', a bunch of losers sitting around in a bar: 'Oh yeah, I used to be a fan. It's a tough racket.'
(He displays a large stack of red index cards tied together with string)
These are the new free agents. These are the only free agents. And to you, they're gold, and you don't get them. Why? Because to give them to you is just throwing them away. (He hands the cards to Cleveland ) They're for closers. I'd wish you good luck, but you wouldn't know what to do with it if you got it. (To Luva) And to answer your question, pal: 'Why am I here?' I came here because LJ and Kori asked me to. They asked me for a favor. I said, the real favor, follow my advice and ban your in' ass because a loser is a loser.