Goddess at Big Four

[Franklin]

Since this website will be gone this summer, around the same time Goddess and I graduate, I feel obliged to write another short novel in memory of the last semester of our school life, and the last half year's existence of Spurstalk that used to be so good and so much loved once upon a time. As you guys know, the Lunar Goddess has signed with PwC (which I'll refer to as the "P company" in my novel) and she's determined to go there working, so I'm writing this novel to record how our friendship evolved over the past year and to fathom how things will progress beyond graduation based on my imagination.



Goddess at Big Four

By Mark Franklin

-In honor of our last school memory

Chapter One

Everyone has his own unique imagination of goddess in his mind. I had been a celibate for about 26 years since I was born – not saying there hadn’t been any girls I liked or girls that liked me – actually both happened in the past two and a half decades of my lifetime, but unfortunately they never happened at the same time.

I met with this girl in our first semester of graduate school, a dim morning in November. I came from behind the stairway while she was walking towards it so we saw each other face-to-face. She wore a black coat and a pair of black-framed glasses – typical look of a female graduate student, in my opinion. Her hair was thick and long, color dark brown, and what impressed me most was the whiteness of her face – which looked so pretty and lovely I almost forgot to breathe while gazing at it. I happened to remember that she was someone from our class, but I didn’t even know her name at the time, so I just gave her a light smile in a courteous manner. To my surprise, however, she didn’t smile back to me as I expected. I kind of felt embarrassed, as you could tell, my smile was nearly frozen at the moment.

She just gawped at me with no movement of her eyes, or legs. She made me feel as if I were a childhood friend of hers whom she hadn’t seen for a long while… “I’ve seen her somewhere before?” I thought to myself, I thought hard but still couldn’t recall such a friend. I was sure as I hadn’t ever met her in the real life before I went to graduate school, but why did I smile to her then? Did I have such a stupid habit of smiling to all girls who look decent, or had I really seen her somewhere before, like in my dreams maybe?

I turned around and climbed up the stairway, to put an end to the embarrassment, but I could feel her eyesight were still on my back…

Thereafter, I began to pay specific attention to that girl, and learned that her name is Phoebe, from a province down south where I’ve never been. I was then sure I hadn’t ever really met her before, but why did I feel so familiar with her in the dim lobby that morning? I couldn't stop asking myself that question.

I thought that she was also paying me more attention after that morning, but our first talk didn’t come until early December. It was a computer class… our teacher assigned us group tasks, four person per group. A buddy and I had to be in the same group for sure, but we were short two. My buddy asked me to recruit two more people into our group, I wasn’t quite interesting doing this job because… Well, most of our classmates were girls and, I was kinda shy, I mean I would flush sometimes just talking with girls. So I just stood up and looked around, but couldn’t figure out what to say. I even thought at the minute my buddy asked me to do this for the only purpose of embarrassing me, to be honest, what a bas !

It was this girl that came to my rescue. She called my name, and as I turned my eyes to the direction the sweet voice came from I immediately recognized that lovely white face…

“Hey, ah, Judy and I…” she pointed to another girl sitting right next to her, saying “are not grouped yet, so maybe we can form a group together…”

It was the first time I actually heard her voice. Oh boy, how sweet it sounded…

“Ah… OK, great… thanks…” I couldn’t even put up a complete sentence at that moment, I was just too elated that we’d got a group so my embarrassed could be ended, or for some other reason…

So we finished the task together, our four names signed in the file folder – Shawn (my buddy’s name), Frank, Judy and Phoebe.

[Franklin]

Chapter Two

We finished the task faster than other students did, so after we submitted the file we could afford a few minutes for chat in the classroom.

Phoebe was standing right next to my seat, so close that my nose even caught the scent of hers… Oh, boy, that inebriated me literally. I hadn’t caught a girl’s smell so good since my sop re year, to tell the truth. And the weather was already rather cold in December in our city, so she was dressed in some winter clothes. How I wished it was summer! (And it would turn out to come true in about half a year).

“Frank, so… what did you major in for undergraduate years, may I ask?” Phoebe was already trying to know more about me, I though.

“I… I majored in physics. Don’t make fun of me please…” I always thought it kinda weird for a Physics major to switch to literature, to be honest.

“Wow, that is cool, Frank. So you’re good at both science and literature, rare talent.” Phoebe eulogized me with great enthusiasm, and then she continued “and it suits your name pretty well.”

My name is Mark Franklin, but one of our teachers also got the first name Mark, so people in our class chose to call me by my last name, or simply as “Frank”. Sure I knew whom she was referring to… she was referring to Benjamin Franklin – a founding father of our country who was also a scientist.

“Thanks, but… I’d rather change my name, to be honest. I even got myself a penname…”

“A penname, so you’re a writer?” She asked.

“Yes, this week I just got done writing a short novel led Stranger in Hometown…”

“Hahaha…” she couldn’t help but laughing, “what a funny name, what’s it all about?”

Sometimes I thought it was her name “Phoebe” that suited her personality perfectly… bright, optimistic and lively, while my name “Franklin” only sounded like a pompous fool on me.

“Ah… it’s about my personal story, like an autography…” I responded.

“So, would you like to share it with us?” She said. I knew it was herself that wanted to read it. I dreamed of becoming a writer, to tell you the truth, but I knew my writing could barely match the amateur level at best. I highly recommended it to my friend Shawn, but he didn’t give a damn about it, which said a lot.

“Sure.” I agreed briskly. I began writing this novel after that morning I met her. The novel was mostly about my personal experience and it was fair to say the main goal of this novel was to make the readers know me through it. It seemed that, I always had someone on my mind while writing it and Phoebe might just be that “someone”.

So I wrote down on a small piece of paper the address of my blog page where I posted the novel, and she took note of it carefully on her cellphone.

“Ah… wait a minute…” I suddenly though of something improper, something that I had to warm her about… “There are, um… well, some erotic scenes in this novel, so maybe you should skip those parts…” I said tentatively.

She heard each and every word I just said, but didn’t give any wordy reply. She just giggled…

[Franklin]

Chapter Three

“What the heck had you just done, Mark?” The more I thought about it the more accusation I felt in my mind… “How could you let such an innocent girl read your erotic writings?”… I couldn’t stop thinking.

For the next several days I kept praying that Phoebe wouldn’t read those parts. She was a decent girl so she would probably skip those parts, I hoped so.

Then one Friday morning we had a class, my friend Shawn skipped that class so I was sitting by myself, with two empty seats on my right – until two girls came into the classroom and took those seats.

They were Judy and Phoebe, as you could predict. Phoebe sat next to me and Judy further next.

“Frank…” a familiar sweet voice called my name, it was Phoebe’s voice, which speeded up my breath and heartbeat. She said “I read your novel…”

“You… you read the whole thing?” In a trembling and apologetic voice, I somehow managed to say.

“Yes.” She nodded and said… it almost knocked me out. I felt as if she just caught me with my pants down, seriously. I tried my best to put up a wan smile on my face which had already turned red.

I had mixed feelings at the moment. I was delighted of course. Finally I got someone who read my novel from end to end, but a short while later I came to realize that it probably didn’t mean she really liked my writing, but that she liked… she liked me? Could it be possible?

I didn’t dare to think that way strongly. I didn’t dare to fall in love with anyone at the moment, to tell you the truth. I was still a student, and I grew up being a good student attending on the very best schools in our town, sure I didn’t wanna mess it up when I had only 1 or 2 years left in my school life. But a more important reason was that, I was once badly hurt by a girl whom I had a crush on during high school time. I was afraid that Phoebe was just playing around with me. I was a person who took love seriously. I mean, I’d rather be a celibate than play emotional games with the opposite sex, but if I fell in love with anyone I’d be serious as . Even if she disappointed me, or rebuffed me, I would not retaliate or hate her, but I’d bear all the pain on my own… and it would be a really painful process, as you could tell, it almost killed me last time, to be honest.

Phoebe and I still got to see each other in the classroom once in a while, but we rarely talked, or maybe there wasn’t anything we could talk about. It seemed, we were about to go our own separate ways.

Did I like her, did she like me? I had no answer to either question. I didn’t even quite know the feeling of liking or being liked, to be honest. It was just how things were for the next about half a year. Every time we attended the same class sitting in the same classroom, however, I would always have a hard time not peeping towards her side. Could it be sort of an indication that I had already fallen in love for her, really? I didn’t dare to think that way strongly.

And it was that day… a rainy afternoon when we were all attending a grade meeting, all students of our grade attended that meeting. I and several other students had an appointment with a boss at night, so I didn’t go home right away after the meeting was over. It was early June, the hot and rainy season, but the weather wasn’t too hot that day thanks to the rain.

While I was unlocking my bike, I sudden saw a familiar buxom body figure walking towards the library. Thank god, she didn’t notice me, so I could stare at her without feeling any guilt. I tried my best to observe every tiny movement of her body, not until that moment did I realize how exquisite it was. I hadn’t ever seen her dressed in such short skirts before, that was probably the reason why.

She didn’t look super hot or anything, but it was her extraordinary elegance that transfixed me, it really did. She was the perfect definition of natural beauty, to be honest.

As she climbed up the stairs of the library I began to see more and more of her white fleshy legs, I just stood there watching, motionlessly, until she finally disappeared at the gate… How I wished the stair walk was a bit longer, so I would be able to see even more, even something under her black skirt. Then, a sense of guilt overwhelmed me suddenly… “How could you think about that, Mark? Damn you…” I accused myself.

[Franklin]

Chapter Four

I could hardly describe my feelings of the moment. I wished she was one of the students that I was gonna go together with to meet that boss. I wished she would join us… I was afraid I probably wouldn’t see that exquisite body ever again in my lifetime.

There was one last chance, however – the summer semester. We’d have some classes to take together during summer semester, that’d be my last chance and, could it be possible that she was thinking the same? No, probably not, she probably already had a boyfriend, a smart, handsome dude about twice the size of mine (I was only 5’7). But at the very least, I thought that I would get to see her again, and maybe get to have another short talk with her again if lucky enough, and I’d be very satisfied with that. I didn’t dare to dream of anything more, to be honest.

It was the first day of summer semester and I came a bit late that day, so I had to find a seat in the front row. Yeah, most students didn’t give two craps about summer classes so they’d just sit as rear as they could. After I sat down and put my books out of my damn schoolbag, I heard the door open again and the steps of high-heeled shoes. The sounds came closer and closer to me, and finally vanished when they were likely only an arm away from me. I knew that someone came into the classroom and took a seat behind me, and I felt somewhat happy knowing someone came even later than I did. There were maybe one or two empty seats behind the row I sat in, but I didn’t sit there because… as you could tell, I didn’t wanna sit next to girls.

I tried my best, but still failed to prevent myself from taking a quick glimpse back… I thought that it could be Phoebe, and found that it indeed was her. For the remainder of the summer semester we’d mostly always sit in the same seats we took this day…

We didn’t talk to each other. I wanted to start a talk with her, but just didn’t know where to begin with. Nonetheless, I could clearly hear her talk with friends. They were sitting very close to me and I paid intensive attention to whatever she said. And more importantly, it seemed they were talking intentionally louder than normal, as if they were trying to ensure their words could be heard by me, for some reason.

I remembered one day she and Judy were talking about her boyfriend or something. “She indeed has a boyfriend… It’s unthinkable such a lovely girl as she is could still be single…” I thought to myself. I didn’t feel envious or upset, however, but just relaxed.

Then I heard they continued to talk about her boyfriend something… I heard such words like “sissy boy”, “evil woman” etc… but how could a girl refer to her boyfriend as a sissy boy, or him referring to her as “evil woman”. They had already broken up? Was she deliberately saying that aloud to stir me, to let me know that she once had a boyfriend but had already broken up with him? I could infer from their talk that her boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend to be more accurate, had treated her bad. I wanted to have a try, if that was the case, but how could I make sure I would treat her good and satisfy her? Did I really love her or was it just about sex appeal?

It had been a week or so since the semester began, we still hadn’t talked yet. Finally it was her that broke the silence…

“Frank…” She called me from behind, which I’d missed it for half a year already – her calling my name. “Are you still writing them novels?” She asked.

“No… not anymore, I’ve been writing articles instead…” I responded in a voice that was as calm as I could make it.

She nodded but didn’t say anything anymore…

What should I do then? Should I wait until she made another call, but what if she didn’t make any more calls? Why did I always wait for the girl to act? So finally, after a few minutes of deep thinking, I decided to restart the talk…

“Ah…” I turned back and said to her, “I’ve written an article which you might have some interest in though, of the romance genre, would you like to read it?”

“Sure, what’s it about though?”

“It’s about, um… platonic love, about the different love levels of the three main characters in a Chinese Wuxia novel. I’ll send it to your mailbox later tonight…” Phoebe and I were both in the clan of our class, all clan members being able to see each other’s email address, real names etc…

“Do you know who I am?” She asked me, wittily… Of course she knew that I knew who she was. She just asked me anyway, on purpose.

I just nodded vehemently, as a response. She didn’t say anything either, but just giggled.

[Franklin]

Chapter Five

For the next a few days we finally got some topic to talk about. We talked about that Wuxia novel by Louis Cha and several other novels by him as well. And I could tell she felt very glad to talk with me, like every time the class was over I could hear her humming some song. Did she really like me? What could I do to confirm it?

Then it came that day… Rhea came here to have a word with me, she told me that our professor (Rhea and I were studying under the same professor) asked us to see him at 10am that morning, which meant we’d have to leave the class halfway. But before Rhea and I were gone, Phoebe began to put away her books and stood up to leave… Phoebe knew I would have to go before 10am, and I guessed she didn’t want to see me going away with another girl so she chose to get away beforehand. And as you could predict, she didn't look too happen when she left. I had a quick glance back and noticed that her face looked rather sad as if she was about to cry.

So, Phoebe went away, so did my soul. Rhea and I came downstairs to see our professor, and I was so half-minded I didn’t get a lick of what he said to us. He even reprimanded me severely for my blitheness, but that was the least I cared. I just wanted to know how Phoebe felt. Did she feel really upset? Would she come back next day to talk to me again?

Yes, she did come back the next day and we still talked to each other. God, I knew she was such a kind girl who wouldn’t mind such trivial issues. But here came another serious question to me… Phoebe’s birthday was just a few days away, but what kind of gift could I buy for her? I was just a brokeass student who couldn’t afford any impressive gift. Should I just send her a card, with a few lines of wishes written on it? That sounded kinda um… childish, to be honest.

There’s no gift that matches what you make for her by yourself. So finally I decided to make the gift by myself. Thank god I had got some literature talent in me, especially the talent of poem composing, so I chose to write a short poem for her birthday.

It was a Scarlett song that I derived the poem from, say, I wrote the poem based on the tune and rhyme of that song. It was only my first time to try writing a poem in English, to tell you the truth, so it supposedly took me a whole lot of time to get it done, about two and a half nights in total. Here was the poem:

The Lunar Goddess
Sky is cold, air so quiet
being alone the lonely night
when the dark has dimmed my way home
you give me the soft light
Your face lovely and white
smooth pearl like
but why always hide part behind long hair
only come full one month a time
Lend me a pair of wings
so I can fly
toward where you at, while I still have breath
you're a goddess in my eyes
gazing at buxom outline
for a million years
you're full of wonders
Heat my soul, fill my life

At first, I just intended to write this poem as a gift for her birthday, and a method of thanking her for reading and approving of my novels. But… poems are typical expressive texts, and my true feelings were naturally delivered through the lines. I came to realize that it was more than just gra ude. I also shared the poem with Reck - a friend of mine from New York, he told me that I must really like this girl to call her goddess, and he was damn right.

This poem was really tricky though, like, Reck thought it was dedicated to Scarlett Johansson at first because I used to be a die-hard Scarlett fan, and Phoebe knew it too and thought that way too. But I bet after reading it a few times, Phoebe had already realized that it wasn’t written for Scarlett… How could I post such a romantic poem written for someone else, on her birthday?

It was still my fault though. I should’ve addressed it clearly to her, to Phoebe. Almost everybody thought it was another work of art for Scarlett at first, and Phoebe was no exceptions of course. I really liked this girl, but I could still feel a mysterious force out of the deepest part of my heart that kind of repulsed me in some way… the guilt of loving someone while still being a student myself? So I decided to put it on hold instead of hastening any actual move, but I still needed to find a way to express my feelings, to let the “goddess” know how much I loved her, and that was exactly why I wrote this poem, and why I would continue to write one such poem each week. I believed that if both of us had faith, our loved would always remain fresh despite time and space.

[Franklin]

Chapter Six

So it entered the last week of our summer semester. Phoebe rarely attended the classes that week because she had a part time job – a teaching job at a private education ins ute. She also skipped classes regularly the weeks before but I didn’t quite notice it, I just remembered the classes she was in, it seemed like. I also wanted to skip some classes because the whole crap was boring as , to tell you the truth, but I decided against that idea… because I didn’t want to miss any possible chance to meet her again.

And a chance came on Tuesday. We had a class in the afternoon that day, and another one at night. The afternoon class was temporarily arranged in the so-called multimedia classroom – the place where we had the first talk. But we didn’t talk at all that afternoon… it was a different classroom so we kinda chose our seat randomly, and I somehow sat like a few rows behind her seat.

It was unlikely to start a talk with her over such a good distance, but at least I was sitting behind her this time, not the other way around, so I could observe and appreciate her beauty freely for as long as the class lasted. Her hair was so nice and her arms so white, just gazing at her back elated me so much I could hardly move my eyes away from her, to be honest. I really wished the class would last forever, despite how goddamn boring it was.

It didn’t last forever, of course, but we had another class that night, luckily, so I could hope to see her again that night, and to have a talk with her hopefully.

We both attended the night class, sitting in our usual seats. However, we didn’t have any talk throughout the class nonetheless. I was too numb to initiate a talk, so most times it was her job to start it, but this night she remained silent the whole process. I thought there had to be something wrong, but what was it?

She didn’t talk to me but she did talk with several other classmates, and from their talk I learned that she was going to leave for D.C. the next day for an internship. But we had exams to take at the end of summer semester, so maybe she would have to return for a short while to take the exams then go back to D.C. right away? Why couldn’t she just wait until the semester was over? It was only one and a half hours’ drive between our city and D.C. but still it was a long distance even if you had a car, which Phoebe didn’t have. She was from another city, as I mentioned above, and she was living here in an apartment she and a few friends rented together. So she’d have to take bus, railway then subway and maybe another bus before reaching her destination, a tiring journey you could tell.

And now I felt why she didn’t have a talk with me this day. She must feel upset as in her heart, I thought. I turned around my head once during a break and happened to find that she was also looking at me, our eyes met but neither of us said anything, not even any smile this time…

I had a feeling that I would probably not see her again, not have another chance to talk to her again for the remainder of summer semester, or even of my lifetime as well… I couldn’t think any further that way because the depression already nearly killed me.

I didn’t sleep well that night. I didn’t sleep at all, to tell you the truth. I was just lying there, trying my best to remember every detail about her, everything I had seen from her during the afternoon and night – her white arms, her thick long hair, her clear charming eyes… I didn’t know when tears had filled my eyes already, I tried to cry myself to sleep but couldn’t. I needed an outlet badly, and the best outlet for a poet is – poetry. I wrote down another poem in the morning after, I spent the whole night composing the poem in my mind…

The Lunar Goddess-

Dawn is coming, night is gone
sun light rises above ground
staying awake in bed rolling around
echoes in my head an old love song
the Lunar Goddess leaves me in tears
while I'm waiting here all day long...
My face darker and hair turn brown
while you're always young
you cheer my heart up give me light
and I don't wanna be a passer-by
the Lunar Goddess leaves me in tears
while I'm waiting here life long...

The poem was very miserable, to be honest, true reflection of my mood that day. I posted the poem on my social networking page at noon the next day. I didn’t expect anything back, I just wanted to let her know how much I loved her, and that I would wait for her no matter what. She read the poem not too long after it was posted, and she would respond strongly, with a very big surprise to me the very next day…

[Strange Love]

Going balls deep?

[TDMVPDPOY]

Going balls deep?

why has he started to put beads into his ass?

[Franklin]

Chapter Seven

I felt sleepy as in the morning, but still could hardly fall asleep for some odd reason, and it was already time to go to school. I sat in the classroom, not sleeping but not getting a lick of what the class was about either. I felt lightheaded and my heart was beating at twice the normal speed.

“Has she packed up her luggage yet? What’s she doing right now?” I kept asking myself these questions. From her talk the night before, I knew that the train was going to set off in the early afternoon, so maybe she’d arrive in D.C. before dusk.

It was a long ass morning for me, it felt like. So when the morning class was over, what I was supposed to do was take a short nap somewhere, right? That sounded very logical, but I got something more important to do…

I went straightly to the computer room in the library, eating some crap I brought from home on my way there. I just didn’t feel like eating anything at the school canteen, to be honest, the food always tasted as if they never put any salt in, not at all.

After taking a seat there, I started the computer, and then put out that piece of paper carefully, the paper I had written my poem on… I typed every word, one by one, in the script box then published it. The button was signed “publish” but the word might be a bit too big for my poems, because I only made them accessible to three best friends of mine – Rhea, Fernando (my homie who was also a hardcore sports fan just like me), and of course, Phoebe. Actually I only wanted Phoebe to read these poems, but I needed a couple witnesses, so that Phoebe could know that I only wrote poems for her, no more poems for no one else. (And it would turn out that, all three of them ended up working in the finance/accounting industry after graduation, for some odd reason, and it rarely happened to graduates of our major. I guess if you also want a job in this industry you may as well read my poems too!)

Phoebe read my poem about 10 something minutes after it was posted, and surely she viewed it on her cellphone because she must be already on her way to D.C. at the moment. “Phoebe read my poem…” I sighed internally. I felt relieved and so much satisfied. It was the happiest moment of each week for me when I saw that she had read my weekly poem, to tell you the truth. I also felt glad when I found Rhea or Fernando viewing my poems, even giving me approvals sometimes, but still it was Phoebe that mattered most to me, much more than Rhea and Fernando combined, more than even the whole world’s people combined, to be honest…

But how would she feel about the poem? Would she have some sort of sympathy for me? Would she feel sad or sorry about me? I didn’t want to make her unhappy or anything, the point I wanted to make was that, I wanted to wish her the best and I would always like her unconditionally no matter what, no matter if she treated me good or bad.

Maybe the poem sounded just so bitter, it made Phoebe think that I was about to give up the pursuit. I indeed thought about giving it up, to tell you the truth, and I thought about it quite a few times in the months after as well… she was just so brilliant it made me feel like a complete loser sometimes, to be honest. Regardless, however, Phoebe still seemed to like me, and she would turn out to be the strongest motive for me to man up and be grown.

A teacher had asked me to come over to help her with some office stuff in the afternoon that day, I couldn't decline it of course, despite that I was tired like a bas who hadn’t taken a minute of sleep the night before. I got the work done even faster than I myself could ever believe, so I could go back home right away around 3:30 that afternoon.

[Franklin]

Chapter Eight

I slept rather well that night and felt very good when I woke up the next morning, yet I didn’t quite feel like going to school that day because I knew Phoebe had already gone to D.C., so she wouldn’t attend the class that morning, I thought. The possibility of seeing Phoebe was the only incentive that drove me to school everyday since my first “Lunar Goddess” poem, or to be exact, since I realized how much I loved her…

But I still went to school anyway, for some reason. Maybe I just wanted to have a look at the seat she usually sat in, or maybe I could even find a hair of hers left on the table if lucky enough.

I walked into the classroom and sat in the front row, my usual seat, and put out a book that I could pretend to be reading. I came rather early that morning and the classroom was still nearly empty when I arrived. Other students gradually came as I was “reading” the book there, but I didn’t feel at all nervous as I usually did, because I knew Phoebe wouldn’t come. I felt nervous in the past days because I feared that Phoebe could choose another row someday, a few rows back… but it never happened, she always sat just behind me, less than two seats left or right.

I heard some girls stepping to and took seats in the row behind me. Although I thought Phoebe wasn’t among them, I still couldn’t help but shot a quick glance back… and I was seriously surprised, because I saw a girl in white shirt with grid pattern, so clean and so touchable. Her thick long hair was still glossy as silk, and the face was so beautiful, especially with such a kind smile on it… she was smiling to me, it was such a meaningful smile like she was saying to me “you didn’t expect me here today?”

I turned my head back straight as swiftly as I could. I couldn’t believe my eyes even, couldn’t believe what I had just seen was real. I put a hand on my chin and found that I didn’t shave… she probably wouldn’t care but still… I wanted to always show the best possible look of myself to this girl, which was easily understandable.

The teacher didn’t have much to teach that day, it was the last day before exam and he left about 2 hours for the so-called Q&A process, or students’ discussion process. So, the class only went 1 hour or something that morning, and when the class was over I heard that sweet voice calling her own name softly and repeatedly, “Phoebe, Phoebe…” It seemed like she was encouraging herself then, but why?

Right next to me sat another classmate. Dude was a college teacher himself and he was studying here for his second Master’s degree. We usually talked with each other, almost during every break between classes I’d initiate a talk with him and I really had learned a lot from him. His surname was Sharpe so I just called him Mr. Sharpe. But this time, before I could start a talk with Mr. Sharpe, someone else did it.

“So, you’re a college teacher?” asked that familiar sweet voice.

“Yes, Mr. Sharpe is an associate professor already.” I answered the question for Sharpe. I didn’t know how I suddenly turned so aggressive and bold to join the conversation, maybe I did know… I knew it might be my last chance to have a talk with Phoebe for the semester, or maybe even my lifetime. Phoebe probably thought the same, and that was exactly what she was encouraging herself for, I thought.

It turned out that Phoebe wanted to be a college teacher, and she wanted to ask Mr. Sharpe for some tips and advice on how to be a successful college teacher. But in reality, I could feel, Mr. Sharpe just served as a proxy in the conversation between Phoebe and me. Mr. Sharpe knew it too, he was about ten years my senior and he must have also felt sort of specialty between me and her.

Phoebe talked about her career expectations, she even thought about applying for a teaching job at my high school alma-mater. I discouraged her from that idea nonetheless. I told her that students from that school were always naughty as .

“But, aren’t students from there the best in this city?” She asked me.

Yes, they were smart, just as smart as they are naughty. They would set fire on your ass for fun if you allowed so, to be honest. You could probably never see a fight or hear a dirty word there, but you would be seriously fooled if you underestimated these little evil minds, to be honest.

“They’re naughty as though, rebellious. I mean… they’d outwit you and drive you mad for fun…” I continued to say, “But anyway, thanks for your endorsement.”

“I’m not referring to you though.” She said in a pretentiously serious voice. Then she couldn’t help giggling in such a lovely manner. Her tone sounded so intimate to me, more intimate than what you could expect to get from common friends.

I really enjoyed the talk with her, and it was certainly the happiest day of the year for me thus far (until Nov. 19), but the pleasantest experience always ends fast… As we stood up to leave, the familiar smell sneaked into my nose and reminded me of that day when our first talk took place.

[m>s]

So are you gong to ask this girl out or what?
i won't read I'll just ask this question until the answer is yes

[Franklin]

I will ask her out for sure, but not at this point of time, I'm not even sure if she's back in town or not. I'll drive to her hometown, giving her a vigorous embrace upon meeting her, then bring her home, but I don't know when she wants to come back tbh. Maybe a few days later I'll ask her that question online, or maybe I should ask a friend first, I'm not sure. I really miss her but I don't want her to come back immediately just because of me. She'd been away from home for most of the year 2014 so she has every reason to enjoy her time at home now, for as long as she likes, tbh.

[sook]

just get on tinder or something Rogue. find a nice to drape around you and get her jealous.

This girl is getting to your head if she's making you write.

[Franklin]

I can't shake if off, bro . She really cares about me though, and she would really feel jealous as if I show some similar level of kindness to another girl, like when I wrote that poem for Rhea after she injured herself falling down the stairs, she replied to that poem with some cold & satirical comments and I could tell she didn't feel too happy reading something so considerate written by her expectant bf for some other girl, tbh.

[Franklin]

Chapter Nine

It seemed the right time for me to make the “move” now, to speed up the pursuit, and it wasn’t supposed to be that hard… just ask her out for a dinner or something. But… it didn’t seem an easy job to me and I wasn’t looking for excuses here, because I was totally inexperienced and that our professor didn’t want us to have any serious relationship during school time. I had always been such a good kid and good student I would never want to disobey the teacher’s rules, though my parents (especially my mom, to be honest) thought quite differently.

Well, you could just play it like a game, like most school loves worked, like a learning process. Once graduation came, so did the end of your relationship. But I never felt like being in for such a thing, because I was such type of a guy who took everything seriously, especially when it came to such a serious topic like love. And another reason, I didn’t think it all right to start a serious relationship until you became completely independent, financially independent on top of all. I just hoped that, we could remain good common friends (which we already were) through the last year of our school life, then I’d try to push it one step further after we had both found our desired jobs.

I learned from the three-way conversation of Phoebe, me and Sharpe that she desired to be a college teacher, and then it became my job target. I didn’t have a clear expectation of career… I never really had one to tell you the truth. I just wanted to work where she worked, so I could drive her to work and back home everyday and take good care of her. And a college job, no matter teacher or staffer, would give you about three months of extra vacation every year so Phoebe and I would be able to really enjoy our time traveling around the city as well as the suburbs. I even dreamed that, we would purchase a home in the countryside near our workplace - most colleges were located in or had been relocated to suburban areas – and it wouldn’t cost too much. And it’d be easier for her parents to buy another house there than those urban estates, so we would be able to “settle” not too long after graduation.

So we kept contact on line, sharing job information especially those college job opportunities, but unfortunately most college jobs wouldn’t be available until early next year.

I kept writing the “Lunar Goddess” series poems, one poem each week. Although I wasn’t sure if she liked the poems, she still read those poems anyway, probably she knew those poems were all dedicated to her, but she didn’t react strongly… maybe she was just wait for me to “act”, and writing the poems wasn’t enough of an “act”.

My mind was pretty much puzzled and contradicted, to be honest. On one hand I really missed her and wanted to see her, but on the other hand, however, I usually felt tempted to avoid her because I was afraid I would lose control of myself… I would probably burst to tears upon seeing her, rush to her side and hug her vehemently in my arms, and then start kissing her all over the cheeks and neck, like an animal… I really loved her, but I had to abstain from it until I was mature enough and ready for a serious relationship, as a man with some good sense of responsibility would do. I was already 26 so I couldn’t connive with my animal self to act like those pubescent jerks did, to be honest. So I had to confine my love within the domain of literature.

We chatted quite a lot online though. I carefully saved all our chat in a doc file, and saved a copy of the file in each and laptop USB storage device I had so it’d never be gone.

And of course, I’ve also downloaded some photos of hers from her social networking zone. Too bad there weren’t many photos, too bad she wasn’t a celebrity like Scarlett… but still, she look so pretty and lovely and you could never get bored gazing at these photos. And the more I gazed at them the deeper obsessed I became.

[Franklin]

Chapter Ten

Finally there came the chance for me to see her again, and it had been already four months since last time… it was Nov. 12, Wednesday, I received a text message about 9am in the morning. It was a notification of job interview which was scheduled on the same day next week. Phoebe probably had received the same notification too because I knew she also applied for this job, a college teaching job, actually it was Phoebe that recommended this job to me, in the first place.

But still I wanted to send her an email, just to confirm it. I logged in my email and began to organize the words carefully, just as I always did every time I was to send her an email. I was an amateur writer, she knew it… I didn’t want to screw up my good image in her mind with some misspelling or stupid grammar errors. I spent like half an hour writing this email - apart from the concern about spelling and grammar I was also hesitant on what to write – should I thank her, continue to act cool and calm, or should I just tell her my true feelings?

Before I could make the decision, however, I received a message on AIM, from her.

She received the notification, just as I thought. I was so elated at the moment, to be honest. I told her straight how happy I felt, and I proposed to drive her there, she agreed… Boy, I was absolutely overwhelmed by happiness at the moment, to be honest.

So I carefully prepared for the interview. It wasn't that I had much interest in this job, but I thought that if she wanted to work there, I would go there too. We would buy a nice house near the lake there, and it was rather cheap because the college was more than 15 miles away from downtown, and we couldn’t afford any house nearly as good anywhere else within the city limit. Actually the house and possibility of living in there with her was the only appeal I saw from this job, to tell you the truth.

Finally it came the day that I had craved and imagined for so long. I arrived where she lived at about 7am in the morning, and it was still rather dim out there. She didn’t come out right on time. In fact I only waited there for about five minutes, but it felt like five hours…

I saw a girl coming towards me, waving her hand to me, smiling… I almost lost my breath, God… I couldn't describe how jubilant I was at this moment. I smiled back and waved my hand too, and turned my head aside quickly before she could see the tears of joy in my eyes.

I started the engine immediately so the thermal air would fill up the car before she sat in, and after she sat in the first thing she said to me was, “Haven’t seen you for so long…”

It wasn’t anything special. A common friend would also say it to you after a long time of not seeing you, but I could sense the meaning inside it, “Yes…” I responded, I was speechless, I felt really sorry…

“Have you had breakfast yet?” I asked her, just to redirect the talk elsewhere.

“Not yet.”

“I bought it on road.” I handed her some fast food I bought near my home, it was already rather cold now.

“Thanks…” She took it, and asked me, “How’ bout you? You ate something for breakfast.”

“Yes, I got up really early today…” We were already on our way.


- To be continued

[JudynTX]

And I thought Avante was crazy.

[Strange Love]

just get on tinder or something Rogue. find a nice to drape around you and get her jealous.

This girl is getting to your head if she's making you write.

Our nig is devoting way too much time on this girl without actually making a single move.

And he's all over the place now. Just imagine if she says no to his advances at this stage? I fear for our tbh. He might just think jumping onto upcoming traffic is a solution if that ever happens.

[Franklin]

Our nig is devoting way too much time on this girl without actually making a single move.

And he's all over the place now. Just imagine if she says no to his advances at this stage? I fear for our tbh. He might just think jumping onto upcoming traffic is a solution if that ever happens.

No, see my le bro. If she says yes then I'd treat her as good as I can and would love her forever as if she was a true goddess to me. But... if she says no then it'd be a moral victory for me, because nearly the whole class knew that it was her who flirted with me in the first place, and that I bought her flirting and began to love her thereafter. She initiated the whole , if anything.

Of course, I wrote some love songs for her to show I love her, I really do but it's not like I cannot live without her, I have experienced things that were much worse than this when I was younger, tbh. It's like, when you're riding on a tiger's back you're afraid to dismount. Whoever quits this first would bear considerable moral accusations and I will always end up on the winning side of any moral battle, tbh.

[Franklin]

I attempted to make a move last month though... I contacted her online, but only to learn that she was already away home, just arrived home that day. I was literally kicking myself for procrastination at the moment tbh, if I had done so just one day earlier I would've probably already made it official .

Strike while the iron is hot - that's probably the lesson I should've learned from the whole issue here, or maybe she's just not the right one for me, I'm not sure. I've been living as a celibate for 26yrs since I was born and I still don't really feel like needing any pussy urgently, to be damn honest. I love her because she's such a wonderful person, just talking with her enchants me a lot, and it doesn't have much to do with sex. She is fine and sexy, yes, but that's surely not what I like most about her tbh.

[m>s]

Stop telling us about it and tell her about it

[ohmwrecker]

These are worse than Avante's lists.

[Franklin]

Stop telling us about it and tell her about it

I will contact her online maybe a couple days later, when the civil service exams scores are out. Hopefully we'll have another chat online, if she asks me what i've been doing lately I'd say I've been writing a new novel. And sure she'll ask for it, and then I'll "tell her about it", tbh.

[Franklin]

Chapter Eleven

“You… you look thinner, Phoebe… could you please work less hours?” I asked her, sort of begged her, I knew she was working part-timely at a private education ins ute.

“But the classes have been scheduled already… I have to work until the autumn semester is over.”

I really hated that ins ute for the moment… but just a few weeks later I’d wish the autumn semester had lasted longer, so she would’ve been still working there, staying in town when I decided to make the “move”.

“Ah, I…” I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to ask her to quit that job… she wasn’t very satisfied with it, she complained about the pay during the mini-semester in summer several months before. But who the was I to make such a request? Phoebe was a good kid she didn’t want to live on her parent’s fund the shameless way as I did. I had to respect her choice, which then became a religion of mine, whatever her choice was.

She unwrapped the breakfast and began to eat… apparently she didn’t see me as a stranger or anything now. A girl should never eat anything a stranger gives her, especially for a well-educated decent girl like Phoebe. It was a hotdog something I bought on the street, and it wasn’t something like those packaged biscuits sold in supermarkets, I mean it didn’t look sanitary at all but… she ate it anyway. She trusted me, I assumed, and I felt happy as at the fact that she trusted me.

Of course she trusted me… otherwise she would’ve never sat in a car I drove in the first place.

Not too long after setting off, I received a text message from the teacher who called us for the interview, he asked if we were going to the interview – probably he was on the school bus but didn’t see us. I was driving the damn car so I handed my phone to Phoebe, asking her to send him a reply. But… should I ever let Phoebe use my phone? My phone was like an antique, to be honest. I’m an old school guy and I’m never a fan of those smart phones, so the phone I was using was a Motorola, which I had been using for three years. I bet most people don’t even use their smart phones for more than two years. For example, most iphone 5 users will throw their phones right away in the trashcan as soon as iphone 6 is released. It’s not about money, of course, but I just don't feel like holding a phone in your hand all the time as if it was a photo of your dream girl. Yes, I once felt the impulse to buy myself a smart phone, so I could see her lovely face all the time, but finally I decided against that idea somehow.

But another reason – which was probably more important – why I didn’t want to let her see the phone, was that… I didn’t want her to see her nickname on my phone. I sorted all my friends by their nicknames, like, a C.J. for Carl Johnson, and my friends didn’t mind. But the problem was that, Phoebe’s acronym on my phone wasn’t just her name initials… it was LG, which was short for Lunar Goddess. I didn’t want to reveal it to her yet at the moment, though I was pretty sure she probably already knew it, knew that I love her, a lot…

Maybe I should’ve kept it a secret, maybe I should’ve tried to hide my feelings better in those poems… so it wouldn’t have diluted the thrill when I actually make the move.

But I had already said the words asking her to make the reply for me, damn, I wish I could withdraw those words. Thankfully though, she didn’t browse my contact list so she didn’t see “LG”. Thank God, my heart was beating like a beast until she gave the phone back to me, to be honest.

[Franklin]

Chapter Twelve

The traffic was pretty smooth because we set off rather early, well before the rush hour. We talked about many things, but mostly about job hunting. This job interview was the first one I received, to tell you the truth. It wasn’t like I was too crappy to put up a resume that appealed, but that I didn’t seriously apply for nothing. Most colleges would only begin to recruit as late as February next year, and I was determined to work at some college or something alike because she had told me she wanted to be a college teacher. I mean, even if I couldn’t become a teacher I’d still want to work where she works so I’d be able to drive her to the workplace and back home everyday, which of course was all contingent on the bold assumption that she would get married to me.

I didn’t really care about the jobs, not at all. There’re like a million jobs you can choose from, but you’re lucky as to find someone who isn’t your parent but loves you just as much, to be honest. And I believed Lunar Goddess was just that person for me. But how did I know it?

Through our talk, I learned that she had another job interview this day, but had to give it up due to the conflict. It was a middle-school teaching job. Even though it was just a job at middle school, it sounded much better than the one we were going for – a teaching job at a third-class ty college, because the middle school was thought to be just as good as my high school alma-mater (though I highly disagree).

I could have headed all the way back and drove straightly to the middle school, but I didn’t… I was selfish as , I thought at the moment, I just wanted her to be with me instead of attending the mid-school interview while leaving me out in the car. Or maybe not, maybe she really wanted the college job, I thought. Or maybe she knew she couldn’t get that mid-school job due to intensive compe ion, as she herself said.

Just a few minutes later, she told me she passed over some other job opportunities as well… like a world 500 fortune company. It was a damn good job and she already received the interview invitation, but she turned it down because, I thought, because it was located in D.C. instead of our town. Could it be possible that, she turned down all jobs opportunities from other cities because she just wanted to stay here, because she knew I was such a lovesick homeboy who would never leave his hometown? She was right, but I remembered I had told her that I was also applying for jobs in other cities… I just didn’t want her to limit her choices only to the jobs in our town, in case I really meant something in her heart. I mean, I’d even follow her to the moon if she wanted to go back there, to be honest.

We had already driven on the highway for about fifteen minutes, and we were already crossing the Alk River – the widest river in our city.

“We’re crossing the Alk River. We’re arriving there soon.” I said. The college was located near the Alk River. The distance I’d driven was similar to a marathon’s, and we were about the hit the finishing line, but I felt little delight. I wished I could drive farther and farther more, all the way to her hometown…

“Why is it called Alk River?” She asked curiously. She hadn’t even heard about this river obviously, it was too far away from the downtown.

“Hmm… I don’t know, maybe because the river is alkaline.”

She didn’t say anything instantly. After a while of thinking, she said, “I like this city better than D.C., because we have both rivers and sea here, I like them rivers and seas.” And to tell you the truth, our city wasn’t nearly as good as D.C.

I should’ve asked her, “Don’t you also like the people here?” Or get it straight, “do you like the people… like me?” But I wasn’t subtle enough to pick up the hint at the moment… damn me.

To make things worse, I said something that seemed to hurt her…

“Most colleges have been moved to such rural areas, which kinda sucks.” I said.

“Yes, they concentrate colleges in rural areas, and call them college towns. There’re many such college towns here, it seems like…” She paused for a little while then continued, “It’s pretty much the same in my hometown as well.”

“There’re also college towns in your hometown?” I asked it almost naturally and automatically. I didn’t mean anything, actually. Those words just escaped my mouth somehow. But why the did I ask this? Was I internally looking down upon her? I swore I wasn’t. I realized how terrible it sounded as soon as I had just said it.

She said yes, and said something else. It appeared that she didn’t feel annoyed or anything, but… she didn’t say anything for about five minutes afterwards. I could feel that what I had just said really hurt her, but I really didn’t mean it. I kept looking to her side, but she looked outside. There wasn’t much to see outside the window, she just did so to avoid my eyes, it seemed like.