Rick Perry twitter thread sponsored by universal hair care

[Blake]

[Blake]

Lol

[Blake]

It's too bad Perry's campaign is crumbling. I wanted more twitter gems.

[hater]

texas


The asshole of the country

[Splits]

http://wonkette.com/592810/you-proba...-around-fap-to

You (Probably) Won’t Have Sexy Daddy Rick Perry To Kick Around, Fap To


Aug 11 3:30 pm 2015


Stupid Fox News. Stupid RNC. Stupid everyone who didn’t support Rick Perry and made him debate at the kids’ table and now he is out of money and doubtless going to be the first to drop out of the presidential race because he is having to do mortifying things like “fly commercial” and who are we going to diddle our beans at now, beady-eyed ferret-dad Scott Walker? Rick Perry may be A Idiot, but he’s got a real purty mouth, and we like to look at it and think bad thoughts, STOP JUDGING ME YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GOT A BONE FOR AARON SCHOCK.

Tell us the sadness, Texas Tribune:

The Perry campaign reported raising $1.14 million in the second quarter of this year and on July 15 reported having $883,913 on hand. The campaign is scaling down its expenditures to bare essentials — commercial plane tickets and hotel rooms for the candidate and an aide or two — and hoping for a breakthrough moment, perhaps in the Sept. 16 debate, that could boost fundraising.

Flying commercial is no way to treat Rick Perry y’all. Look at this man. LOOK AT HIM.

Now look who are the other contenders for your hearts and pants.



This MAD magazine drawing of a suburban idiot man?



This wicked Disney stepmom?



This nice old lesbian?



The shushing man with the Jheri curl?



This sentient tin of old-timey pomade?



Senator Coy McKissyface?



This shrunken applehead doll with the mouth vagina?

No! None of those! You could not bate at any of those things, they are horrifying and greasy! And we didn’t even make you look at pictures of abee and Jindal!
Things are better on the Dem side of the aisle, even though the mean age of Democrat candidates hovers right around “Jerry Brown.”
You’ve got unannounced candidate Old Handsome Joe Biden, who’s got “handsome” RIGHT THERE IN HIS NAME.




You’ve got Hillary, who we’re about to make a cup and T-shirt out of, because we are shameless grifters who love money.


You’ve got Bernie Sanders, he is at least a good person, which in a just world would be worth a handy or two.




And that’s pretty much it, because even if Martin O’Malley has nice guns, he put all of Baltimore in jail and can right off.

[Blake]

[quote].. Did*Rick Perry*just have another 'oops' moment?During FOX News pre-debate forum featuring seven candidates who didn't qualify for the 9 p.m.*GOP presidential*debate, Perry was asked a question onillegal immigration. In answering the question, the former Texas governor meant to mention*the GOP*icon*Ronald Reagan, but some said it sounded as if he slipped up and called the 40th president by the wrong name -- "Ronald Raven."

"Americans are tired of hearing this debate want to go to 'What are you going to do about illegal immigration”?'" Perry said. "For 30 years this country has been baited with that. All the way back to when Ronald Raven signed a piece of legislation that basically allowed for amnesty for over 4 million people and the border is still not secure."...

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/gop-d...ry?id=32927710

[Blake]