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It's Nader, genius.OK, Ralph Nadar Is Officially A LOOOOOSSSSEEEEERRRRRRRR!
AP: Body of Ralph Nader Found in UM Air Vents After Mysterious Disappearance.Long-shot candidate Ralph Nader, at the presidential debate at the University of Miami, wanted to make a cameo on stage and liven up what he called `a presidential charade.'
BY KARL ROSS AND TERE FIGUERAS
[email protected]
Left on the sidelines of the presidential debate, long-shot candidate and alleged race-spoiler Ralph Nader was nonetheless at the University of Miami -- criticizing the two headliners and plotting an unscripted cameo on the prime time stage.
''If I could only go through the ducts and leap out onstage in a cape -- that's my dream,'' said Nader, who enjoyed a dinner at the school's faculty club as he pondered ways to liven up what he called ''a presidential puppet show, a presidential charade'' governed by preset rules agreed on by the Bush and Kerry campaigns.
''You know what would I say to them? Burn the 32 pages of rules and go after each other in a free for all,'' said Nader, who will appear on the Florida ballot as a Reform Party candidate. ``The American people don't want the debates to be a cure for insomnia.''
Political gadfly and former rights activist Ralph Nader was found dead this morning after an extensive search of the UM campus turned up his body in an air vent behind the stage of the presidential debates last week. He is the victim of an apparent media stunt gone horribly awry.
“It appears that he was trying to make an unscheduled appearance during last week’s presidential debates wearing a purple spandex costume with a matching velour cape.” reported lead investigator, Hubbard White during the press conference this afternoon. “Tragically, the cape caught on a loose screw while he was traversing the ducting network from the building’s right wing to the stage.”
Architect Ronald Johnson, brought in to assist authorities in determining what occurred outlined what happened next. “The ducts in that part of the structure are pretty steeply sloped, and I don’t think he anticipated how hard it would be to keep his balance or regain his footing should he fall. As a result, when he did fall, his costume acted like a hangman’s noose. It’s a damn shame.”
When reached for comment, close associates of Mr Nader were deeply upset, but weren’t surprised at the news. “I told him the cape was a bad idea” said confidant Ralph Reed through tears outside his offices in Washington DC. “I told him not to go, that we had other ways to get his message out. But Ralph always had to make a big splash, always be the center of attention. Now we’re going into November without him, and I just don’t see how we can win without his help.”
It's Nader, genius.OK, Ralph Nadar Is Officially A LOOOOOSSSSEEEEERRRRRRRR!
Ok, you are officially a weirdo.
I happen to completely agree with him.
''You know what would I say to them? Burn the 32 pages of rules and go after each other in a free for all,'' said Nader, who will appear on the Florida ballot as a Reform Party candidate. ``The American people don't want the debates to be a cure for insomnia.''
I agree with him on that. it. Throw down, mutthafukkas.
I agree with him on that. it. Throw down, mutthafukkas
I'd pay to see it.
Pay Per View, with proceeds split 50/50 between the two campaigns.
It's On!!!
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