Maintenance Complaints

[ShoogarBear]

And oldie but a goodie . . .

Here are some actual maintenance complaints ("Squawks") submitted by U.S. Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. Squawks are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight.

(P)=PROBLEM
(S)=SOLUTION

(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement
(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire

(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough
(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft

(P) #2 propeller seeping prop fluid
(S) #2 propeller seepage normal: #1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

(P) Something loose in pit
(S) Something tightened in pit

(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
(S) Evidence removed

(P) DME volume unbelievably loud
(S) Volume set to more believable level

(P) Dead bugs on windshield
(S) Live bugs on order

(P) Autopilot in al ude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent
(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick
(S) That's what they're there for

(P) Number three engine missing
(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious

(P) Target radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed target radar with the lyrics

[SpursWoman]

(P) IFF inoperative
(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode

(P) Target radar hums
(S) Reprogrammed target radar with the lyrics

[Ed Helicopter Jones]

[Solid D]

I can't stop laughing.

ROLF (I can't spell ROFL, I'm laughing so hard)

[T Park]

(P) Aircraft handles funny
(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious

these are hilarious

[Vashner]

A squawk is the aircrafts identification code via VHF radio transponder.

You can assign codes with problems but normally if flying IFR you would have your own squawk for your flight and would just call in a PAN or Mayday.

The option codes are for when your radio is not working properly.

Your talking about a post flight checklist. I have never heard anyone in the Air Force call it that.

[Solid D]

A squawk is the aircrafts identification code via VHF radio transponder.

You can assign codes with problems but normally if flying IFR you would have your own squawk for your flight and would just call in a PAN or Mayday.

The option codes are for when your radio is not working properly.

Your talking about a post flight checklist. I have never heard anyone in the Air Force call it that.

Buzzkill.

[ShoogarBear]

A squawk is the aircrafts identification code via VHF radio transponder.

You can assign codes with problems but normally if flying IFR you would have your own squawk for your flight and would just call in a PAN or Mayday.

The option codes are for when your radio is not working properly.

Your talking about a post flight checklist. I have never heard anyone in the Air Force call it that.

Booooooo. You musta been one of the (P) guys.