Bill Simmons Draft Diary

[wildbill2u]

Get ready to laugh out loud.

Too long to copy. Here's the site:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2...simmons/060629

[wildbill2u]

My favorite line so far:

My friend Nick Aieta e-mails me just to say, "I can't wait until Bob Cousy tries to say the name 'Thabo Sefolosha' during a Celtics game next season." Agreed. Meanwhile, a harried Dan Patrick announces the details of the Telfair/Foye trades and says, "I feel like I'm landing jets here." Wild night so far.

[strangeweather]

10:20 -- The Mavs take Maurice Ager at No. 28. He puts his head in his hands and starts sobbing hysterically as his entourage congratulates him. It's about time we had some emotion tonight, dammit. Ager walks up to the stage in a triple-breasted, oversized beige suit, goes to shake hands with Stern and immediately gets whistled for a foul on Dwyane Wade.

[furry_spurry]

Very logical draft so far -- everything's been low-key and conservative, even the suits and the family reactions. Where are the sobbing 300-pound moms this year? Did we forget to order them?

[degenerate_gambler]

Dude is pretty funny.

[50 cent]

8:20 -- Here's why you have to love the NBA draft: It's the only show where you could ever see a graphic like, "WOULD MOST LIKE TO MEET: HIS PARENTS."

[50 cent]

9:36 -- There are those moments in sports when you expect something great, and then it actually happens. And then there are those rare moments in sports when you expect something great, and something even greater happens. This was one of those moments: The Knicks on the clock, the crowd pushing for Marcus Williams, and then ...

--Stern: "With the 20th pick, the New York Knicks select ... Renaldo Balkman."

(Crowd explodes in horror.)

[SpursWoman]

My favorite piece of the year from Simmons ... thanks for the link!

[Spurminator]

(That reminds me, I think this could be the draft where Bilas creates the phrase "long length." Just a gut feeling.)

[Phenomanul]

10:20 -- The Mavs take Maurice Ager at No. 28. He puts his head in his hands and starts sobbing hysterically as his entourage congratulates him. It's about time we had some emotion tonight, dammit. Ager walks up to the stage in a triple-breasted, oversized beige suit, goes to shake hands with Stern and immediately gets whistled for a foul on Dwyane Wade.

We will hear this forever it seems... funny to some extent...

[ShoogarBear]

Simmons is still Mark Cuban's boy.

[Bob Lanier]

You'll think it's funnier next season when the Spurs face Miami in the Finals.

That's followed by a debate about Gay's potential, with Greg Anthony arguing that Gay will be better than people think and Stephen A. countering with, "I haven't seen him play that much." Take THAT, Greg Anthony. Mess with the bull, you get the horns!

Dan Patrick is gunned down in cold blood by Bennett Salvatore.

Chicago takes Rodney Carney for Philly at 16. "Great athleticism," Patrick says quickly, followed by Bilas screaming, "Don't do my act, Dan! I will punch you in the face! Back off! Just back off! As God as my witness, I will punch you right in your smug little face!"

[baseline bum]

8:53 -- Uh-oh, Philly just took a Swiss guy who was born in South Africa (Thabo Sefolosha), then traded him to the Bulls for the No. 16 pick and parts unknown. Seriously, we might want to scrap the whole "draft picks wearing hats of the teams that picked them" thing and just give them a Kangol NBA cap or something. Enough is enough.

What a draft. I can't wait for the Knicks' 29th pick -- at the rate we're going, Isiah could draft Barbaro and we wouldn't be surprised.

10:13 -- After the Cavs take Shannon Brown at No. 25 (intriguing), the Lakers grab Jordan Farmar (even more intriguing) and Phoenix sells its pick to Portland for cash (with the Blazers grabbing Sergio Rodriguez). I love Phoenix's performance tonight -- they should have just put those two first-rounders on eBay. Way to look out for your fans, guys. And what about Portland's wheeling and dealing? They're like a drunk college kid randomly putting together an NBA Live team at 4 a.m. What a bizarre night. I can't get over it. We may have to retire the draft diary with Draft Diary X. I'm not sure this can be topped.

[MissAllThat]

The ref jokes were good as was the obligatory making fun of the Knicks picks.

[T Park]

By the way, I wish the WNBA draft had promises, just so we could see a team break a promise and draft someone else, followed by the crying player awkwardly running up to the podium in high heels and screaming, "You promised! You promised me! I TRUSTED YOU

Of course, Stephen A. thinks Minnesota just solved their point guard problems, even though Roy is a natural two-guard. Let's just move on

During the Williams interview, ESPN chickens out from running a "MUST IMPROVE: KLEPTOMANIA" graphic

I have never laughed as much as I did in this column.

He shows his Cuban richard sucking in this one, but overall his best ever IMO.

Absolutely Hilarious.