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If he is such a good friend, you shouldn't be hesitating to pay your last respects while you have the chance.
He was readmitted to the hospital this weekend and in the regular updates his close friends have sent out, they have said that the end is very near. The doctors said there is no more hope and that all they can do is keep him comfortable.
I am heartsick. My boss told me I can go see him today if I want, but I am afraid to, though this may be my last chance. He's heavily medicated and can't talk, though he's lucid when he's awake.
I spent an afternoon with him a couple of months ago. I am so grateful for that opportunity. But I don't think I can see him now and remember him any other way. A wonderful person like him shouldn't have to go this way.
Life really sucks sometimes.
If he is such a good friend, you shouldn't be hesitating to pay your last respects while you have the chance.
I'm very sorry to hear the Easjer. But like IX pointed out, you should probably at least try to go see him one last time. Even though it's hard to see him like that, even heavily medicated I'm sure he'll remember you and would like to see you one last time and vice versa.
Sorry, things are awful and crazy and busy around here. Everyone is pretty upset, but there are two different programs going on, so. . .
Ross is by no means alone. There are over 100 people trying to see him, and there is family here - he's a very loved man. He's limited to how many people can be in the room, and one of my concerns is taking time away from family. He's mostly asleep, so he wouldn't know I'm there if that's the case. Ross knows I love him. I'm also worried, because the last time I saw him, he went into respiratory distress talking to me - he started crying and got really emotional (I think he tried to be strong around everyone else) and I don't want something similar to happen.
I'm going to send a note with my boss when she goes today. I said goodbye in May, though I hoped it wouldn't be a forever goodbye. I know and firmly believe that he can feel our love.
I am so sorry Easjer that your heart is hurting.
I will be praying for you, your friend, as well as the doctors and family involved.
Don't feel like you have to go to the hospital if you feel it would be kinder not to.
All you can do is the best you can do.
I am certain your friend knows how much you care.
If there is anything I can do to help you, you know where to find me.
I am so sorry for your loss.
If you are content with the goodbye you had then
Don't feel guilty if you don't want to see him now. Everyone must deal with these issues in the way that makes the most sense to you. It doesn't make you less of a friend if you keep intact the previous memory you have of him.
Very sad, hope he goes peacefully.
Man up, Shoogs.
Dying is part of living. Go see him in his pain and desolation, not only when he's pleasant to be with. Take the bad with the good. For better or for worse. Fair weather, and foul.
While that sounds good in theory, I do not believe that there is not one pat answer that suits every individual death situation.
Every person has to make that call for themselves as required to.
Sorry to hear about this easjer. Is this the guy that was a former teacher of yours?
From the sound of it, cancer probably.
Sorry to hear about your friend.
I think you will regret not going to see him, personally.
If you don't feel like you can see him, then that's just the way it is. No one can really tell you are doing the wrong thing because ultimately, you and your friend know what kind of relationship you had and that should be all that matters. Besides, personally, if I'm dying, the last thing I want is for everyone to see in the condition I'm in. I wouldn't want to be remembered that way. I'd want people to remember me for the person I was, not the s of a person I'd become my last few days alive.
Yes, tlong, this was my teacher. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last August. He had good responses to radiation and chemotherapy - miraculous even. They decided to operate in December, but when they did, they found that the cancer had spread to his liver - such a small tumor that the CT scan did not pick it up. They removed that, but left the tumor in his pancreas intact. He recovered very well from the surgery and everyone remained optimistic. They started a new course of drugs, including a new cancer-seeking tag - it would attach to the cancer cells and then a second drug would locate the tag and kill the cell.
Unfortunately, he had a bad reaction to the drug, but nothing outside the normal range, so the continued with the therapy. But then he had a massive allergic reaction, which caused massive congestion and swelling in his lungs. He spent two months in ICU, while they tried everything to reduce the swelling and congestion so he could breathe. He did not make the progress they hoped for, but was eventually allowed to return home on oxygen with home care. He did all right for awhile, but with very slow improvement (the fear was that his lungs were permanently damaged). Then he slipped and fell while walking around one a little over a week ago and was hospitalized. His oxygen was increased again. He returned home after three days, but was hospitalized again on Friday evening because of difficutly breathing.
Now, there is nothing left they can do. On Saturday the doctors told his mother (who lived with him) that there was simply no hope left, and it would be four or five days, a week at most. Of the people from here who have gone to see him, they said today would probably be the last chance.
I wrote a letter and sent it with my boss, who was going for awhile. There are so many people gathered - so many hundreds and thousands of lives he's touched. And family nearby as well. I think in the end, it's better.
Easjer - I'm so sorry about your friend. Condolences. My aunt died of the same type of cancer at 45.
My condolences, easjer - I know how hard it is to watch someone go, and you are in my thoughts.
I can only give you one perspective. When my dad was dying last year he was heavily medicated at the end. One weekend he had a parade of family and and friends come to visit. After it was over he said it was the best weekend of his entire life. Even though he only saw some of the people for a few minutes. Some of them traveled from very far away and he only saw them for a short time. I know it was very tiring for him, but it made him so happy and he said it was worth every bit of the fatigue. Seeing that people he cared about that he hadn't seen in 5, 10 or 20 years cared enough to come and say how much he touched their life was so special.
I have seen more people die than you probably ever will in your entire life, but thanks for the "advice".
Very, very sorry Easjer.
Sorry to hear about your friend. My mom died of pancreatic cancer and it's hard to see them at the end. You have to do what you feel in your heart is right. I just don't want you to have any regrets. It's wonderful that so many people are going to see him though. I'm sure that means a lot to him.
At least he won't be suffering anymore and he is going to a better place.
Even more confirmation that Boutons is an idiot.
Easjer, pancreatic cancer patients, especially at the end, are so highly medicated he probably wouldn't even remember you being there after you left the room. Don't feel badly if visiting him is something you just can't do.
He knows you love him.
Thanks, all.
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