posted on InsideHoops.com
link to the articleNot-so-serious Predictions
By Sam Reinhart | Nov. 4, 2006
The 2006-07 season has begun. Here are my not-so-serious predictions:
The Sonics will be traded to the WNBA for Margo Dydek: The Sonics, evidenced by their lackadaisical play and horrendously ineffective management, have apparently taken an apathetic approach to winning. While this is a bold strategy, surprisingly, it doesn't work. Eventually, Stern will come to the realization that the Sonics aren't a real team, but instead, a clever ploy by advertisers to put their names on something that doesn't cost too much. They will then be traded to the WNBA (where advertisers act similarly) in exchange for Margo Dydek.
Shaq, having run out of excuses for poor play, will finally skip the formalities and just check into rehab for an addiction to Twinkies: Hurt foot, bruised ego, Dollar Menu, Kobe – look, dude, we aren't buying it! And I'm not buying the "I like other people, besides myself! I swear!" act either. You don't really like Wade as a person; you like the fact that he takes attention away from the fact that you shoot a negative percentage at the free-throw line. You like the fact that his amazing highlights can, by comparison, turn your little charity stripe act into a comedy routine. Just sit back and enjoy the ride to a second-round exit. If you try to get up, you run the risk of stubbing your toe again.
Mark Cuban will draw minimal crowds on his 2007 NBA CITY STEREOTYPE REMARK TOUR: After a positive response to his discussion of San Antonio's River Walk (calling it an "ugly-ass, muddy-watered thing"), Cuban will attempt to achieve similar effects with other NBA cities. Detroit will be purported to be manufacturing vehicles with the durability of a Donn Nelson defense. Los Angeles will be called traitors for "hedging their bets" with two NBA teams, and shortly thereafter the Scientologists will remove all record of Cuban's comments. New York, once home to Time Square, will now also include "some tall buildings and a few blocks of the ugliest people I have ever seen in my entire life." New Jersey, home to the harmless regular-season fodder Nets, will be referred to as "New York's partially-deformed conjoined twin," and Chicago's Sears Tower will be compared to recent NBA acquisition Margo Dydek.
Fantasy owners will finally get the hint: For his career, Grant Hill averages 20.6 points per game, 1.5 steals, 5.6 assists, 7.3 rebounds, and 1.4 knee operations per season. While these stats may look intriguing, owners must also note that last season he played in only 21 games. He was listed as questionable so many times that the Magic, realizing this was now an assumed status, started using "(it'll happen eventually)" in its place.
LeBron James will be the first MVP to be named before the All-Star break: Eventually, the NBA will make the distinction between which player is most valuable to his team, and the league's best player. But first, those two names need to stop being the same person. The outcome of the MVP race is becoming so much of a cliché that yesterday I used it as an icebreaker. I saw a fairly attractive woman standing by herself so I walked up, "So, who's going to win MVP this year?" "Well," she responded, "I don't know. They said it might rain today, but I don't see a cloud in the sky. It is a bit chilly, though."
Kevin Garnett will officially be recognized as the "Best player to ever ALMOST have a team completely fall apart around Him:" If they want KG to have any kind of lasting legacy, the T-Wolves need to make up their minds: either they are going to be bad, or they aren't. It's getting frustrating. Right when Garnett is close to having a reason to complain, the Wolves go out and get Ricky Davis, propelling them back into contention for the worst pick in the draft lottery.
Yao Ming will form a facial expression: I swear, this is the year. I can feel it coming.
Stern will ban Eva Longoria from all NBA arenas in an attempt to promote a "clean image:" I'll leave that one how it is.
The Suns will finally give a valid reason to stop predicting them for the Finals: While technically they do still have a good team, I feel that the decision to allow Amare to play last year is indicative of much worse decisions to come.
The San Antonio Spurs are going to win the Championship: And not only are they going to, but they need to. This team is getting so old that Robert Horry had to put Tony Parker in his will.
....oops.....See, every time I send them something, they will generally fact-check. Then I get put it on, and there is always a glaring error that embarrasses the out of me.
Next time, I am reversing the process.
And I do agree that he can wreck some fantasy leagues. When he is healthy. Which is really a big issue. Says the guy who drafted Pau Gasol.
That is hilarious! I spit my margarita out all over my keyboard! LOL!!
Go Margo go !!
Stern will ban Eva Longoria from all NBA arenas in an attempt to promote a "clean image:"
This has just gone from annoying to stupid.
Average age doesn't mean a whole of a lot. It means that we have some younger guys to off-set the older ones, but it doesn't tell you what role the old guys play on the team.And by the way, this team isnt all that old. 30 years of age average is only 2 years or so higher than most NBA teams.
Horry's been in the league 14 seasons. He is finished, yet he continues to occupy a vital position on the team. Finley and Barry have been in the league 11 seasons. They might have a year or two of solid play left, but they aren't clogs we can expect to see several years down the road. And yet the Spurs rely on them for a scoring punch. Duncan, 9 seasons, Bowen's been around for 10. Numerically, this isn't a whole lot, but those are some rough, rough years that are already starting to take a toll on their bodies and quickness.
Yeah, the average age is only 30, but think about what that means.
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
