Yesterday, April 20th, 2007 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the Liver of Peter Burns was suddenly and deliberately attacked by Alcholic substances of the Empire of Barcardi and Miller Lite.
It will be recorded that the distance of the Beer Stands and the concert stages makes it obvious that the attack was deliberately planned many days or even weeks ago. During the intervening time, the Barcardi and Miller Lite government has deliberately sought to deceive my liver by false statements and expressions of hope for continued peace.
Yesterday, the Barcardi and Miller Lite forces also launched an attack against Mike Lavender
Last night, Miller Lite forces attacked Ryan Hardgrave
Last night, Miller Lite forces attacked Jerry Carnahan
Last night, Miller Lite forces attacked Keith Krobot.
Last night, Miller Lite forces attacked Tracy Hardgrave.
Barcardi and Miller has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the San Antonio area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the Oyster Bake and the Pointe have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our livers.
As commander in chief of my liver, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us.
No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the San Antonio people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.
I believe that I interpret the will of the St. MAry's University and of the people when I assert that we will not only defend ourselves to the uttermost, but will make it very certain that this form of treachery shall never again endanger us........Until around 3pm, when we do it all over again
Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our liver, our kidneys, and our judgement are in grave danger.
I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and das ly attack by Miller Lite on Friday, April 20th, 2007, a state of war has existed between the Liver of Peter Burns and the Miller Lite Empire
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