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You fail.
One of my trusty operatives was hiding in a laundry basket inside the Suns locker room today just after shootaround. Expert in shorthand, this man took detailed notes on this morning's strategy session. I offer the transcription of the meeting below:
***
(D'ANTONI is carefully examining his mustache for ten minutes straight while the SUNS wait patiently. Finally, KURT THOMAS speaks)
THOMAS: Coach?
D'ANTONI: Oh, sorry Kit.
THOMAS: Kurt.
D'ANTONI: Kit, Kurt, who really cares? Can you shoot the three?
THOMAS: No.
D'ANTONI: Then what am I talking to you for? Hey listen, men - we got us a little bit of a situation tonight.
AMARE: Coach, Bruce Bowen fouled me and they didn't call anything.
D'ANTONI: That's nice, Amare, we'll get to that in a-
AMARE: (interrupting) Can I punch him in the face?
D'ANTONI: (annoyed) For the fifth time this week, Amare - no, you may not punch anyone in the face.
AMARE: Awwww.
D'ANTONI: 'Mare? Hey, if we lose you to a suspension, then who's gonna be out there dunking for me?
(AMARE smiles sheepishly)
D'ANTONI: Who's my big dunker? Who? Amare is, that's who! You are!
(AMARE looks pleased)
D'ANTONI: Now. We need to address the pick-and-roll sit-
MARION: (upset, interrupting) What about me??
D'ANTONI: Shawn, what's the matter?
MARION: Why is he always the big dunker? I'm a good dunker too!
D'ANTONI: Yeah, but Shawn -
MARION: Everybody on this team gets awards except me! Amare, Rookie of the Year, All-NBA first team. Barbosa, sixth man. Diaw, Most Improved. Nash, MVP! Twice!
NASH: (as if in answer, addresses room with glassy-eyed stare, using hushed, I-just-saw-a-ghost voice) It's the playoffs. It gets more physical, there aren't any excuses. You just have to play through it.
J. ROSE: Is he OK, coach?
D'ANTONI: He's still in press conference mode. He'll be fine. Anyway, Shawn - trust me, I know more than anyone that you're underappreciated. Remember, Amare's the big dunker. But you're the high flier! A lot of guys can jump straight up and dunk with two hands, but you can takeoff from the line! Now that's cool!
AMARE: Hey coach, what are you trying to-
D'ANTONI: (cuts him off with a "Not now" glare) So like I was saying, on our pick-and-roll sets, Bowen and Ginobili are tending under the screens.
RAJA: (repeatedly pounding his fist into his open palm) 'Ey coach, you wan' me to take care of dem, mon?
D'ANTONI: We've got a gameplan for that Raja, but thanks.
RAJA: (muttering) Seem like you could just pop dem a good one, but wha' do I know, eh?
SEAN MARKS: I used to play here coach, and I can tell you-
D'ANTONI: (interrupting) What's that? You have a question, Garfunkel?
(all the other SUNS laugh)
MARKS: (bitterly, under breath) It was funny the first hundred times...
J. ROSE: Coach, we can talk strategy and all that, but I think the best thing we can do is to just go out there and score more than they do!
SUNS: YEAH!
THOMAS: If we play our game, no one can stop us!
SUNS: YEAH!!
NASH: It was a tough play. I was going for the ball, Tony was making his move, and we collided. These things happen sometimes.
SUNS: YEAAAAAAHHH!
CARLOS ARROYO: LE'S GO GET THIS RINGS!!
(D'ANTONI smiles broadly as the Suns leave the locker room. After a minute, he resumes his detailed mustache examination)
You fail.
I give that a 6.
hahaha funny
Borderline Genius!
I found the Marion/insecurity part slightly funny.
I guess the Bell part could have been funny if he actually had an accent
I believe every single word. Seriously.
SEAN MARKS: I used to play here coach, and I can tell you-
D'ANTONI: (interrupting) What's that? You have a question, Garfunkel?
(all the other SUNS laugh)
MARKS: (bitterly, under breath) It was funny the first hundred times...
Made me laugh outloud
You forgot to mention the part that all throughtout that exchange, Amare was doing pushups.
The Suns should get in trouble for having Carlos Arroyo in their locker room trying to help them out
I laughed. Nice work.
D'ANTONI: Who's my big dunker? Who? Amare is, that's who! You are!
(AMARE looks pleased)
the garfunkel line was the best part!
LOL!
Speaking of which, I remember watching some footage of D'Anthony the basketball player ; damn, he used to yap at everybody : opponents, refs...
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