The OnionTim Duncan Delivers Heartfelt Speech On Fiscal Responsibility During Spurs Victory Celebration
June 21, 2007 | | Onion Sports
Tim Duncan Delivers Heartfelt Speech On Fiscal Responsibility During Spurs Victory Celebration
SAN ANTONIO—Following a Spurs Sunday victory parade during which Tim Duncan regaled the crowd with uncharacteristically exuberant exclamations of "Thank you very much" and "Please, there's no need to make so much noise," the normally reserved power forward expressed his appreciation for his fans by speaking at length on the importance of being financially prepared in an increasingly uncertain world. "I can't tell you how much I value your support except through telling you it's not really enough to keep a little money in savings for a rainy day, never independently contributing to your 401(k) or considering simple CDs or mutual-funds," a misty-eyed Duncan said, using charts he drew up earlier in the season to demonstrate debt-to- savings ratios to the 12,000 fans who crowded the River Walk. "Your greatest equity will of course be in your home, but even then, careful consideration is required before choosing between fixed- or variable-rate mortgages, especially for the greatest fans in the world." Fans who stayed for the 90-minute speech said it was even better than the emotional plea Duncan made during the Spurs' 2003 championship celebration, in which he urged revelers to make sure they purchased adequate life insurance.
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Classic, better than the onion article where Duncan releases years of pent-up rage.
The Onion does such fine work.
Ooh, I don't know... the rage one was pretty funny.
Classic, better than the onion article where Duncan releases years of pent-up rage.
Timmy you're funny!
Dumbass Spurs fans don't even know when their team is being mocked.
Funniest thing is that Duncan's REAL speech was even funnier. He attempted "to work the crowd" but all he got back was awkward silence. Mike and Mike on ESPN kept playing it and laughed.
Duncan: Yeah..yeah...ok guys, should we win it again?
(No one know if he's talking to his team or the crowd.)
Duncan: Eh..ok...we'll TRY to win it again.
Now THAT was funny.
Your words cut like a knife!Dumbass Spurs fans don't even know when their team is being mocked.
Funniest thing is that Duncan's REAL speech was even funnier. He attempted "to work the crowd" but all he got back was awkward silence. Mike and Mike on ESPN kept playing it and laughed.
Duncan: Yeah..yeah...ok guys, should we win it again?
(No one know if he's talking to his team or the crowd.)
Duncan: Eh..ok...we'll TRY to win it again.
Now THAT was funny.
Hilarious article.
Dumbass Spurs fans don't even know when their team is being mocked.
Funniest thing is that Duncan's REAL speech was even funnier. He attempted "to work the crowd" but all he got back was awkward silence. Mike and Mike on ESPN kept playing it and laughed.
Duncan: Yeah..yeah...ok guys, should we win it again?
(No one know if he's talking to his team or the crowd.)
Duncan: Eh..ok...we'll TRY to win it again.
Now THAT was funny.
Doesn't matter what you think - we won.
And what will your team try to win again?Dumbass Spurs fans don't even know when their team is being mocked.
Funniest thing is that Duncan's REAL speech was even funnier. He attempted "to work the crowd" but all he got back was awkward silence. Mike and Mike on ESPN kept playing it and laughed.
Duncan: Yeah..yeah...ok guys, should we win it again?
(No one know if he's talking to his team or the crowd.)
Duncan: Eh..ok...we'll TRY to win it again.
Now THAT was funny.
The # 1 thing that bothers me about the NBA is that its rigged. On top of the fact that Stern rewards thugs with Championships (4).Dumbass Spurs fans don't even know when their team is being mocked.
Funniest thing is that Duncan's REAL speech was even funnier. He attempted "to work the crowd" but all he got back was awkward silence. Mike and Mike on ESPN kept playing it and laughed.
Duncan: Yeah..yeah...ok guys, should we win it again?
(No one know if he's talking to his team or the crowd.)
Duncan: Eh..ok...we'll TRY to win it again.
Now THAT was funny.
The Onion mocks EVERYONE, and yes we realize it. It's not like they picked out Tim alone.
What stupid Sun fan fails to realize is that you can laugh at your own team sometimes. Of course, with a team like yours, you could DIE laughing at them if you started.
What's funny is that when you do a search on the Onion, this is the only article you can find about the exciting Phoenix Suns:
Steve Nash Calls Second Consecutive MVP Award 'Some Kind Of Sick Joke'
PHOENIX—Upon receiving his second straight MVP award on Monday, Phoenix Suns point guard Steve Nash accused the NBA of "being out to make a fool of [him]." "Listen, it was kind of funny the first time. I mean, I can take a joke. My family was quite embarrassed, but that's beside the point," Nash told those gathered at the ceremony. "But this is just getting ridiculous. Look, I get it—I'm short, white, and Canadian. Ha ha, real in' funny. You sick bas s. Did Amare Stoudemire put you up to this?" When asked about the chances of him winning a third MVP award in as many years, Nash emitted a terse laugh while glaring at the reporters and drumming his fingers on the podium.
^ Lol
The article is like a friendly roast - I am sure that Duncan is confident/stable enough to think it is really funny. He doesn't have an ego problem. I also loved the "Rooting for Cavaliers for Good of NBA" article about Duncan, from onion. These articles are marvelous satire.
Funny article. And as a Suns (and Nash) fan, I thought the Nash article was really funny as well. For that matter, I'm pretty sure Nash would think so, too.
After how he played against the spurs in the playoffs probably not.
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