While looking for places in Oakland/Berkeley to watch Spurs games this coming season, I found this posting on a Denver Nuggets Forum (wtf?). It's old (2005) but funny. Could use an updated roster. Delete if it's been posted here before.
Still looking for a good place to watch Spurs games in the east bay though.
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Re: The Official Spurs thread
« Reply #5 on Nov 8, 2005, 3:44pm » by briggs
I was reading and article in the Economist ( actual magazine so no link) and it had information about a poll of the South American countries in respect to hating the good ol USA. Argentina was hands down the leader in hatred of all things American. I just bet that Manu and Oberto were wishing they could have been at the South American Summit anti-usa rally holding hands with Hugo Chavez and Diego Maradonna and chanting death to America. So that got me thinking that the Spurs could actually be an anti American terrorist cell bent on destroying American basketball with boring play and excessive flopping, holding and fouling to demoralize the American public. For that to happen they also need additional operatives on the team, please consider the following:
Tony Parker: He is French which obviously means he holds America in contempt and would be a willing cohort.
Nazr Mohammed : Rumor has it he is in a sleeper cell with Mahmoud Abdul Rauf
Bruce Bowen: He went to Cal State Fullerton, now I’m not sure exactly where that is but its close enough to Berkeley to brand him a red pinko socialist and obvious anti American conspirator.
Tim Duncan: I can’t even remember what Island he is from but I do remember listening to a lot of reggae when I was stoned and a lot of it was anti american. Therefore Duncan is a revolutionary who wants to get all of Americas youth stoned and apathetic paving the way for the Rastafarian takeover.
Beno Udrih and Rasho Nestorvic: Both from former soviet block countries and most likely KGB plants
Nick Van Exel : He hates everyone, possibly brought in to be the ring leader. Second motive would be that he upset that LA, Denver, Dallas and Portland did not recognize his Jordanesqe superstar status and he wants to destroy the league because they did not love him.
Robert Horry: He has develop cult icon status in the world of slackers, the whole not wanting to show up until the playoffs thing has shown the youth of America its OK to not try. I would guess he will start a cult of slackers when he leaves basketball and it would grow faster if he could bring the country into a tailspin, at the very least he is suspect.
Brent Barry: If he is not Irish he aspires to be and is covert agent for the IRA.
Sean Marks: he is from New Zealand, just ask any of the Aussies on the board those guys are always causing trouble so he joined up out of a spirit of general contempt for all things not all black.
Popovich: As an alum from Air Force I don’t think it’s a stretch to say he has a grudge against this country for not supplying Fisher Deberry with enough black athletes to beat TCU. So as revenge he has assembled this team to destroy black Americas favorite sport.
Michael Finley: Well they needed a consistent outside threat off the bench who could play D.
I think this analysis shows the Spurs are indeed evil and Anti American. Someone please contact homeland security as this easily warrants a threat level of elevated burnt sienna.
Last edited by PlaneFast; 08-10-2007 at 12:24 AM.
I particularly like the analysis on Finley.
i've read a lot of funny stuff on the internet. that was not funny stuff.
Manu is a WAY better american than many that actually were born there...
I'd like to see Carlin's take on the Spurs from that perspective. That would be classic. Did you ever see his difference between baseball and football. That set the standard.
THAT was funny.
Baseball is different from any other sport; very different. For instance, in most sports you score points or goals; in baseball you score runs. In most sports the ball or object, is put in play by the offensive team; in baseball the defensive team puts the ball in play, and only the defense is allowed to touch the ball. In fact, in baseball if an offensive player touches the ball intentionally, he's out; sometimes unintentionally, he's out.
Also: In football, basketball, soccer, volleyball, and all sports played with a ball, you score withthe ball, and without the ball you can't score. In baseball, the ball prevents you from scoring.
In most sports the team is run by a coach; in baseball the team is run by a manager; and only in baseball does the manager (or coach) wear the same clothing as the players do. If you had ever seen John Madden in his Oakland Raiders football uniform, you would know the reason for this custom.
Now I've mentioned football. Baseball and football are the two most popular spectator sports in this country. And, as such, it seems they ought to be able to tell us something about ourselves and our values. And maybe how those values have changed over the last 150 years. For those reasons I enjoy comparing baseball and football:
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game.
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park. The baseball park!
Football is played on a GRIDIRON, in a STADIUM, sometimes called SOLDIER FIELD or WAR MEMORIAL STADIUM.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life.
Football begins in the fall, when everything is dying.
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In football you wear a helmet.
In baseball you wear a cap.
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Football is concerned with downs. "What down is it?
Baseball is concerned with ups. "Who's up? Are you up? I'm not up! He's up!"
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In football you recieve a penalty.
In baseball you make an error.
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In football the specialist comes in to kick.
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.
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Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting, and unnecessary roughness.
Baseball has the sacrifice.
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Football is played in any kind of weather: Rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...can't see the game, don't know if there is a game going on; mud on the field...can't read the uniforms, can't read the yard markers, the struggle will continue!
In baseball if it rains, we don't go out to play. "I can't go out! It's raining out!"
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Baseball has the seventh-inning stretch.
Football has the two-minute warning
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Baseball has no time limit: "We don't know when it's gonna end!"
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end "even if we have to go to sudden death."
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In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling. Emotions may run high or low, but there's not that much unpleasantness.
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you were perfectly capable of taking the life of a fellow human being
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And finally, the objectives of the the two games are completely different:
In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his recievers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line.
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! "I hope I'll be safe at home!"
But why are there more fights in baseball than football?
It's kinda pointless to punch someone wearing a helment, albiet, some have tried.Think of football as a fight, with a unique set of rules.
Football has mini-fights every play. You get to continually work out your aggression.
Thanks Dave for digging that up. I'll definitely archive that one. The only thing missing was seeing Carlin's hand gestures, body movements and his facial expressions. Classic.
carlin is the king of delivery. when you strip the delivery, some of his material seemed kind of stupid. but he always made it work through his body, face, and also vocal emphasis.
everybody get on the plane
**** you! i'm getting in the plane.
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