Reply With Quote
Freaking hilarious
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model)
The Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations or A Diversified Approach to Military Operations:
Infantry: Snake smells them, leaves area.
Airborne: Lands on and kills the snake.
Armor: Runs over snake, laughs, and looks for more snakes.
Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicures.
Ranger: Plays with snake, then eats it.
Field Artillery: Kills snake with massive Time On Target barrage with three Forward Artillery Brigades in support. Kills several hundred civilians as unavoidable collateral damage. Mission is considered a success and all participants (i.e. cooks, mechanics and clerks) are awarded Silver Stars.
Special Forces: Makes contact with snake, ignores all State Department directives and Theater Commander Rules of Engagement by building rapport with snake and winning its heart and mind. Trains it to kill other snakes. Files enormous travel voucher upon return.
Combat Engineer: Studies snake. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5-series Field Manual about how to defeat snake using countermobility assets. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly conduct doctrinal counter-snake ops.
Navy SEAL: Expends all ammunition and calls for naval gunfire support in failed attempt to kill snake. Snake bites SEAL and retreats to safety. Hollywood makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim extremist snakes.
Navy: Fires off 50 cruise missiles from various types of ships, kills snake and makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection.
Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations.
Marine Recon: Follows snake, gets lost.
Combat Controllers: Guides snake elsewhere.
Para-Rescue Jumper: Wounds snake in initial encounter, then works feverishly to save snake's life.
Supply: (NOTICE: Your anti-snake equipment is on backorder.)
Transport pilot: Receives call for anti-snake equipment, delivers two weeks after due date.
F-16 pilot: Finds snake, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses target due to weather.
AH-64 Apache pilot: Unable to locate snake, snakes don't show well on infra-red.
UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: Finds snake on fourth pass after snake starts bonfire to mark Landing Zone. Rotor wash blows snake into the fire.
B-52 pilot: Pulls ARCLIGHT mission on snake, kills snake and every other living thing within two miles of target.
Missile crew: Lays in target coordinates to snake in 20 seconds, but can't receive authorization from National Command Authority to use nuclear weapons.
Intelligence officer: Snake? What snake? Only 4 of 35 indicators of snake activity are currently active. We assess the potential for snake activity as LOW.
Judge Advocate General (JAG): Snake declines to bite, citing grounds of professional courtesy.
C-17 Pilot: Slingleg breaks in flight while slingloading anti-snake equipment, pilot cuts slingload. Slingload lands on snake and kills it. Crew chief uses dead snake to replace broken slingleg.
Navy Pilot: Draped snake around neck at Tail Hook to pick up chicks.
Military Police: Gave snake a sobriety test for not moving in a straight line.
Signal: Broadcasts 200, 000+ watt transmissions in support of anti-snake missions, accidentally electrocuted snake in the process.
Corps of Engineers: Surveyed and researched area for plans on improving flood plain, cant do it because snake is on the endangered species list.
Cooks: Snake sneaks in chow hall. Snake dies of food poisoning.
Freaking hilarious
Too Funny!!!
Thanks. I collect the occasional bit of military humor, and thought this one deserved it's own thread.
How Random
Q: Why does the Navy use powdered soap?
A: It takes longer to pick up in the shower.
Heh, the Navy are getting new uniforms.
Google "new navy uniforms". (no, it is not a joke, it's real)
bump.
Because I can.
Bump.
Cause it's funny, that why.
Jarheads...
If only Bush hadn't have let the snake out of the damn cage
if they wanted to be sooo much like the marines...why not just join the marine corps
adn to the guy who posted the soap joke....
Even worse, the Army is getting new uniforms:
http://www.army.mil/asu/
Looks like the friggin' Air Force.
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio
conversation of a U.S. naval ship with the Canadian
authorities off the coast of Newfoundland October
1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of
Naval Operations 10-10-95.
Canadians:
Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South
to avoid a collision.
Americans:
Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the
North.
Canadians:
Negative. You will have to divert your course 15
degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans:
This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.
Canadians:
No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans:
THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC
FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE
CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT
YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY
AGAIN,THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF
THIS SHIP.
Canadians:
We are a lighthouse, your call.
wtf...the army just got a new bdu uniform. now a new dress uniform. does look a lot like the chair forces.
alamospursfan.....rofl at your post
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
