Am I wrong?

[Slydragon]

My daughters mom left when she was 3 months, and she hardly sees her. Last time she saw her was last Xmas for about 10 mins. Until today. I saw her grandma and she ask I take my daughter to her house because they made her a bag of candies, so i told her I would do it after work. So I take her and we were there about 5 min because I could tell my little girl was sad, I knew she was hoping to see her mom.

So we were leaving and at the stop sign I saw her mom getting there with her Aunt, if it was up to me I would have just kept on going but I knew my daughter had hope to see her, so I turn around so she could see her. Shes now has a boy 2 years younger than my daughter and she has a newborn that I knew about only because friends would tell me they would see her around and she was pregnant.

Anyways she ask if I could bring her during the week and I said not really, I mean I have no clue where she lives or even a phone number to reach her. She says you can be here and I told her I work the rest of the week. so she kinda of got mad and told my little girl to get in the car to buckle her in.

Now for some reason I feel bad telling her that, I feel like I came off being a ass and I feel I am keeping my daughter from seeing her mom witch makes her happy, shes only 6 so has no clue about what goes on.

I should not feel bad tho, I mean my daughters b-day was just this weekend, I told her grandma to tell her mom but she still did not come or call, she did the same last year. The only damn reason she ask to see her was because I turn around. Why the does she not call and ask or come by, shes knows where I live, but I feel guilty like I did something wrong, her mom pisses me off so much.

Sorry had to vent.

[bigzak25]

as long as your doing what you feel is best for your daughter, you're doing right.

if you make the extra effort, it's not for your ex, it's for your little girl.

always make the effort for your little girl!

she'll see the light of how her mother truly is one day on her own.

good luck with that man.

[Mr.Bottomtooth]

I wouldn't let her. If I were in your situation I would feel as though that if I let her go with her, that somehow she'll treat the daughter wrong. I don't know how but that would be my gut feeling. Right now she obviously won't get it but once she's older and the story is explained to her she'll understand. Hope my 2 cents helps.

[Kentu3]

I know thats a tough situation for you to be in. I can speak with some
experience in this same situation though. Do everything you can to allow the child to see her mother. Dont do anything to hinder the process even if it makes you feel mad or bad. Let the child find out on her own terms the type of character her mother has,The child will eventually see the mother for how she is, or maybe one day the mother will come around and be different about th e whole situation. You dont want to come off to your girl as "TRYING TO KEEP MOMMY AWAY". Its a tough process but you will gain a stronger child either way it turns out.

[thispego]

keep her away from that stupid . she'll be better off.

[Slydragon]

My biggest issue about letting her go with her is I have no clue where shes lives or how to reach her. If I let her go I have no way of knowing whats going on. She use to take her every weekend up until she was 2, but then one day she wanted to start taking her on Sundays to Tuesday and I was like why, she said so she could spend more time with her, but that was bull because she work so she would be spending less time with her. I think and this is a really strong feeling, is that by taking her on the weekend she could not go out so she wanted to change the days and leave my daughter with her aunt while she work.

I was like WTF?? when we were together she told me she would never let her aunt watch her and now it was ok? I told her this and she got piss and said there are other ways of doing this. Up until then the agreement about our daughter was verbal.

When we were breaking up I ask what about our daughter she said we would switch every 2 days and I said what kind of life is that. So she said you want me to say you have her, I said yes. So she says fine but I see her when ever I want. she was in a rush to go out and that's how that went.

When she told me "other ways" I took no chance I was in a lawyers office the next day. She never fought it and all I wanted was do ents saying my daughter is with me, I did not want child support but I was told It was part of it, I knew what she made a hour and they told me to go after back child support but I said no and to base it off min wage and to give her a month before it started, even tho she piss me off, I still could not be mean, I am not a mean person. She still has yet to pay a dime but I don't care I don't need her money to raise my daughter.

After all that happen she just stop seeing her. After that she would see her maybe 3 times a year if my daughters lucky. Getting ready to take my little girl trick ot treating, thanks for the feedback.

[SpursWoman]

she'll see the light of how her mother truly is one day on her own.

Oh, yes ... this definitely happens.

[Sapphire]

My biggest issue about letting her go with her is I have no clue where shes lives or how to reach her. If I let her go I have no way of knowing whats going on. She use to take her every weekend up until she was 2, but then one day she wanted to start taking her on Sundays to Tuesday and I was like why, she said so she could spend more time with her, but that was bull because she work so she would be spending less time with her. I think and this is a really strong feeling, is that by taking her on the weekend she could not go out so she wanted to change the days and leave my daughter with her aunt while she work.

I was like WTF?? when we were together she told me she would never let her aunt watch her and now it was ok? I told her this and she got piss and said there are other ways of doing this. Up until then the agreement about our daughter was verbal.

When we were breaking up I ask what about our daughter she said we would switch every 2 days and I said what kind of life is that. So she said you want me to say you have her, I said yes. So she says fine but I see her when ever I want. she was in a rush to go out and that's how that went.

When she told me "other ways" I took no chance I was in a lawyers office the next day. She never fought it and all I wanted was do ents saying my daughter is with me, I did not want child support but I was told It was part of it, I knew what she made a hour and they told me to go after back child support but I said no and to base it off min wage and to give her a month before it started, even tho she piss me off, I still could not be mean, I am not a mean person. She still has yet to pay a dime but I don't care I don't need her money to raise my daughter.

After all that happen she just stop seeing her. After that she would see her maybe 3 times a year if my daughters lucky. Getting ready to take my little girl trick ot treating, thanks for the feedback.

You sound like a really good Dad. She's a lucky little girl to have you. And she will figure out on her own one day that Mom is not very motherly. Just don't get spiteful and keep her from her Mom--keep making an effort, because that just proves that you are the better parent. And obviously, it goes without saying, you should never put her in harm's way--that is the only valid excuse for not allowing visitation, IMO.

[tlongII]

My biggest issue about letting her go with her is I have no clue where shes lives or how to reach her. If I let her go I have no way of knowing whats going on. She use to take her every weekend up until she was 2, but then one day she wanted to start taking her on Sundays to Tuesday and I was like why, she said so she could spend more time with her, but that was bull because she work so she would be spending less time with her. I think and this is a really strong feeling, is that by taking her on the weekend she could not go out so she wanted to change the days and leave my daughter with her aunt while she work.

I was like WTF?? when we were together she told me she would never let her aunt watch her and now it was ok? I told her this and she got piss and said there are other ways of doing this. Up until then the agreement about our daughter was verbal.

When we were breaking up I ask what about our daughter she said we would switch every 2 days and I said what kind of life is that. So she said you want me to say you have her, I said yes. So she says fine but I see her when ever I want. she was in a rush to go out and that's how that went.

When she told me "other ways" I took no chance I was in a lawyers office the next day. She never fought it and all I wanted was do ents saying my daughter is with me, I did not want child support but I was told It was part of it, I knew what she made a hour and they told me to go after back child support but I said no and to base it off min wage and to give her a month before it started, even tho she piss me off, I still could not be mean, I am not a mean person. She still has yet to pay a dime but I don't care I don't need her money to raise my daughter.

After all that happen she just stop seeing her. After that she would see her maybe 3 times a year if my daughters lucky. Getting ready to take my little girl trick ot treating, thanks for the feedback.

You're a good man Slydragon.

[THE SIXTH MAN]

Damn brah I don't even know you and now I have a ton of respect for you man. It takes a man to raise a child. I'm with big zack on this one. Don't doubt your intuition. Only you know the kind of person that your ex is. And because of that your gut feeling told you not too.

[duncan228]

Slydragon, you are a good man.
Follow your gut, and your heart, which is obviously in the right place-with your daughter.

While I agree that keeping your daughter from her mom could make your daughter see you as "the bad guy", she's too young to know what's best for her. You do.

If you can let her see her mom under cir stances that feel right to you, do it. If you're uncomfortable because of how you think your daughter will be cared for, and by who, don't let it happen.

None of us can know your situation. I'm happy you could vent here, I hope it helps to know we're listening. And sometimes venting will let you see things more clearly yourself.

I wish you the best in this tough situation.
You're doing the best you can...Loving and protecting your daughter.
Don't let anyone make you feel bad for that.

[Melmart1]

Dude, my dad jerked me and my two sibs along for years, promising to see us, to come pick us up and never did. It took awhile but we eventually saw him for what he was and decided on our own we would be better off without.

It will be tough between now and then but meet the mother halfways and as long as you have seen her house and make sure its safe for kids and gets a working phone number, then let her spend time with your daughter. I bet you anything by the time she comes home she will be even happier to have you than she already is.

[marini martini]

Sly. you r an awesome dragon! Just keep kickin' ass and u will rule

Peace out

[ploto]

You have to be careful that you do not deny her the visitation she is allowed by law or by your custody arrangement. If there is a reason for her to not be allowed unsupervised visitation then you need to go through proper legal channels to ensure that. Deciding on your own not to let her see her is not a good situation to put yourself in because you could be the one who ends up in trouble.

What does your custody agreement say? Is she allowed Wednesday nights and every other weekend? Is she supposed to pick her up?

Good luck. It's tough.

[Kentu3]

My biggest issue about letting her go with her is I have no clue where shes lives or how to reach her. If I let her go I have no way of knowing whats going on. She use to take her every weekend up until she was 2, but then one day she wanted to start taking her on Sundays to Tuesday and I was like why, she said so she could spend more time with her, but that was bull because she work so she would be spending less time with her. I think and this is a really strong feeling, is that by taking her on the weekend she could not go out so she wanted to change the days and leave my daughter with her aunt while she work.

If thats the case then no way under any cir stances do you let the child go if you cant be sure of her safety and location. Make sure she knows that the problem is something mommy needs to work out in order for her to make visits.
Good Luck man

[JoeChalupa]

You're a good man Slydragon.

I concur. Parenting is indeed the hardest job in the world.....and I wouldn't give it up for anything in this world.

[E20]

I can just tell Sly is a good dude because he posted in my thread about pen tricks when nobody else would.

[Slydragon]

I can just tell Sly is a good dude because he posted in my thread about pen tricks when nobody else would.

Thank for the feedback everyone, I mellowed out while taking her trick or treating, Just me and her, I walk her to school every morning, because I can't always pick her up because of work. It's a 10 min walk and she always "tired" toward the end of the walk. Today we walk way more than we walk in the morning all month and towards the end I was the one tired. She was so motivated by candy that she was not tired but come going to school tomorrow she super tired to walk.

Thanks for letting me vent, Did not mean to post my issues on here but I was just so piss when I got home. Thanks for the feedback also.

[PM5K]

Thank for the feedback everyone, I mellowed out while taking her trick or treating, Just me and her, I walk her to school every morning, because I can't always pick her up because of work. It's a 10 min walk and she always "tired" toward the end of the walk. Today we walk way more than we walk in the morning all month and towards the end I was the one tired. She was so motivated by candy that she was not tired but come going to school tomorrow she super tired to walk.

Thanks for letting me vent, Did not mean to post my issues on here but I was just so piss when I got home. Thanks for the feedback also.

Yeah they all do that, it's hilarious!

I don't think you need any advice, you seem to know what you are doing...

[T Park]

Your doing a great job sly.

God bless. One day your daughter will see her as a deadbeat and you and her will be fine.

God's speed and continued well being.

[Slydragon]

Once again thanks everyone, I am going to bed should have been hours ago, This is my 2nd time ever really opening up to just anyone and it seems to help me get stuff off my chest, The first time I open up was in my myspace blog and it is still hard for me to leave that up.

Once again thanks.

[MannyIsGod]

Just do what you feel is best for your daughter and you'll be doing the right thing. This thread makes me happy.

[leemajors]

you definitely need some way to reach her when she has your daughter.