Three Reporters and a Marine

**Hook Dem** · 01-06-2005

Anchors Dan Rather, Peter Jennings and NPR Reporter Cokie Roberts, along
with one Marine assigned to protect them were hiking through the Iraq desert
one day when they were captured by Insurgents.

They were tied up, led to a village, and brought before the leader. The
leader said, "I am familiar with your western custom of granting the
condemned a last wish so, before we kill and dismember you, do you have any
last requests?"

Dan Rather said, "Well, I'm a Texan so I'd like one last bowl of hot y
chili." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the
chili. Rather ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Peter Jennings said, "I am Canadian, so I'd like to hear the song 'O Canada'
one last time." The leader nodded to a terrorist who had studied the
Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians
and played the anthem. Jennings sighed and declared he could now die
peacefully.

Cokie Roberts said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape
recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe
someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end."

The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Roberts
dictated some comments. She then said, "Now I can die happy." The leader
turned and said, "And now, Mr. U.S. Marine, what is your final wish?"

"Kick me in the ass," said the Marine.

"What?" asked the leader. "Will you mock us in your last hour?"

"No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass," insisted the
Marine. So the leader shoved him into the open, and kicked him in the ass.

The Marine went sprawling, rolled to his knees, pulled a 9mm pistol from
inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he
leapt to his knapsack, pulled out his M4 carbine and sprayed the rest of the
Insurgents with gunfire. In a flash, all of them were either dead or
fleeing for their lives.

As the Marine was untying Rather, Jennings and Roberts, they asked him,
"Why didn't you just shoot them? Why did you ask them to kick you in the
ass?"

"What," replied the Marine, "and have you three assholes call me the
aggressor?"