http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?id=3357518
THE SPORTS GUY
What 10 series would Sports Guy MOST like to see in the playoffs?
by Bill Simmons
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Celtics vs. Lakers would be a dream for Bill Simmons, and most of the non-Riverwalk-loving world.
Text messages I sent to friends during Game 1 of the Spurs-Suns series:
This is otherworldly — Holy [bleep]!!!!! — ESPN Classic! — Best G-1 ever? — I'm gonna pass out — DUNCAN!?!?!? — Best Rd. 1 game ever? — Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue — WHOAAAAA!—There are no words.
We couldn't have gotten a better tip-off to the most anticipated playoffs in 15 years: a pantheon game on Day 1 that somehow exceeded the hype. Well, what if this entire postseason were to exceed the hype? What are the possible outcomes that could possibly rival Spurs-Suns, Round 1—and that could actually happen?
After narrowing my list to 10, here's what was left on the cutting-room floor: Pistons-Suns (the most even Finals possible), Lakers-Mavs (star power, plus the inevitable Cuban-Jackson pissing match), Cavs-Suns (an enjoyable romp), Mavs-Suns (this isn't top 10?), Celtics-Mavs (this either?) and Spurs-Pistons (just kidding; this is ABC's worst-case scenario, narrowly edging the cast of Lost being eaten by a polar bear).
The Sports Guy's Addendum I missed a biggie with this column: a Suns-Lakers battle that would have cracked the top-five if I hadn't accidentally deleted it from an extended first draft. I have no defense other than age, lack of sleep and possible mental deterioration. But yeah, a Lakers-Suns battle would be tremendous for so many reasons—bad blood between Raja and Kobe (as well as D'Antoni and Jackson), Shaq's return to Hollywood, every awkward interaction between Shaq and Kobe, Odom and Diaw trying to out-soft each other, Gasol and Amare allowing each other to score at will, Nash fighting off the urge to punch Vujacic in the face—that it's possible my brain briefy exploded and I forgot to rank the series properly. Let's expand this list to eleven, push Celtics-Suns down a spot, make Suns-Lakers No. 5 and get me an appointment for a CAT-scan.
Here's what made it, in reverse order from "thrilling" to "I won't be able to sleep the night before Game 1":
10. Lakers-Pistons (Finals) Maybe it could even end like 1988: LA prevails in a hard-fought seven after Detroit can't get off a series-saving three because its best player has gotten bodychecked just as Lakers fans prematurely storm the court. Right now, Pistons fans are nodding and saying, "We thought we were the only ones who remembered that!"
9. Magic-Suns (Finals) Forget about the quality of play — this would break the record for "most sunburned media members using a playoff series as an excuse to play golf for two straight weeks." I can just see Jay Mariotti and Woody Paige arguing on Around the Horn, all maroon faces and blisters as dried skin flies everywhere.
8. Hornets-Jazz (West Finals) This one appeals only to roundball dorks like myself, but I'm not gonna apologize. The thought of Chris Paul and Deron Williams pulling a Corrales-Castillo on each other for the Point Guard Championship of the World makes me giddy. Along with a Finals berth, the NBA could put the team name Jazz on the line. If New Orleans wins, they get to take back the name. Who's with me?
7. Celtics-Pistons (East Finals) You think this would be just a battle between two old rivals for Eastern supremacy? It's way more than that. This is KG and Sheed locked in a chest-pounding, eyeballing, trash-talking, somebody-better-separate-us-before-this-gets-ugly frenzy. This is former UConn Huskies Ray Allen and Rip Hamilton chasing each other from baseline to baseline. This is young Rajon Rondo — and if he can't do it, Yoda Cassell — trying to handle wily vet Chauncey Billups. This is Flip Saunders and Doc Rivers playing checkers and looking confused, and Tayshaun Prince using his octopus arms to shut down Paul Pierce, and Big Baby, Leon Powe and Jason Maxiell playing undersized forward rugby underneath. If that's not enough, think of the inevitable deluge of highlights of Larry Legend's famous steal and The Chief punching Laimbeer in the face. Yes, please.
6. Hornets-Lakers (West Finals) By the time this took place, we'd know if the 2008 MVP was the enigmatic Laker who bashed his teammates and wanted to flee before "coming around" or the unselfish point who saved basketball in Katrina-scarred New Orleans, redefined the ceiling of his position and took a lottery team to a No. 2 seed. It's always fun when lingering MVP debates can be resolved in seven games or fewer. Unless you're Karl Malone.
5. Celtics-Suns (Finals) There's some sneaky but powerful history here from the '76 Finals, plus at least three likable stars who will have their careers altered if they win a le. We'd also have definitive proof that it's worth rolling the dice with a monster trade — which means they'd be made more often, right? I have no idea who would win this series; neither do you. That's a good thing.
4. Spurs-Lakers (West Finals) Here's another action-packed affair with high drama (the champs vs. the up-and-comers), a true villain (Bruce "The Anvil" Bowen, pulling out every one of his evil tricks to frustrate Kobe, short of hitting him with a steel chair), superior coaching, two of the greatest players ever, two premier clutch shooters and two exquisite low-post scorers. Still not sold? Wait until this "joke" scenario makes me a legend when it actually comes true: The Spurs are derailed in Game 7 by WWE-worthy officiating along the lines of that in the 2002 Kings-Lakers series, followed by everyone's being cool with it because we all were hoping for a Celtics-Lakers Finals anyway. Screw you, San Antonio!The NBA — it's FANNNNNN-tastic!
3. Celtics-Spurs (Finals) Beyond undercard matchups like Pierce-Manu, Allen-Bowen, Rondo-Parker and Cassell-Horry, plus the obvious parallels in styles (two superb defensive teams built around one good slasher and one good big man), this one has historical significance (San Antonio going for a dynasty, Boston trying to revive one) and a fascinating individual matchup that ranks somewhere between Russell-Chamberlain and Ewing-Olajuwon in Finals lore. We've always wondered if KG would have had Duncan's career if they'd been picked by each other's teams in 1997. Let's find out. For once, we'd get a real answer to a rhetorical question. (Important note: Like every other Celtics fan, I love KG as much as I can platonically love another man, but Duncan's proven crunch-time prowess pushes him to another level. In big moments, Duncan either gets a quality shot or gets to the line, whereas KG settles for fallaways and has a disturbing tendency to pass up big shots. It's no contest. Right now, Duncan is slightly better. How's that for a reverse jinx?)
2. Cavs-Lakers (Finals) "Kobe! LeBron! It's the NBA Finals on ABC!" Yeah, that works. By the way, we've had a bunch of Finals with two transcendent players, but rarely have they actually guarded each other. In my Scenarios 2 and 3, they would. Sgfdggdg fjgjgjijgrkj fhejfrefjrkj fjekfjrkjfk fkoek.
[Ed.'s note: The previous sentence was "written" when Bill's head hit his keyboard after he briefly blacked out. We were able to revive him to finish the column.]
1. Celtics-Lakers (Finals) Just the mere possibility of this one has me so energized, I wish Kurt Rambis were in my office right now so I could clothesline him into my desk. Imagine seeing those uniforms on the same court in June again. We'd have Kobe and KG fighting for a career-altering ring, Phil Jackson going for Red Auerbach's record for coaching les, Allen and Kobe renewing their bizarre feud. I live for the emotional revival of those "Beat LA" chants that meant something once and the tons of Magic-Bird highlights that would offset the startling impact of seeing the two icons show up for Game 1 weighing in at a combined 620 pounds. LA's celebrity fans vs. Boston's ("Hey, that's Tom Brady sitting next to the Wahlbergs!"). The chance to boo Kareem one more time. ABC's making a gazillion bucks if the series goes seven, then using the cash to bankroll my sitcom, Everybody Loves William. I could go on and on.
So God, man up: Give us a Celtics-Lakers Finals. That's right, I'm calling You out. Show us what You got. Rttghfnf ljmbkkk nmhgjk wqptrs ghdscv.
[Ed.'s note: We did everything we could. He's gone.]
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I've always liked reading Bill Simmons, but this guy is the biggest Boston/LA homer ever. Talk about bandwagoners, this guy was on the Spurs bandwagon all these years, and the year Boston and LA are potentially a finals matchup, he's back on that bandwagon.
The NBA has a real image/legitimacy issue. Respected, knowledgeable journalist OPENLY predicting questionable officiating, and using a past transgression as evidence.
First, the Patriots choke in the Superbowl.
Next, the Spurs and Pistons meet in the NBA finals.
Next, Bill Simmons -->
Yeah, if it wasn't for the Red Sox being matched with the Rockies of all teams in the World Series, Simmons might be responsible for blocking all three major Boston teams from winning rings with all of his homer crap. I hate most of his Patriots/Red Sox writing, but when it comes down to the NBA he gives the Spurs/Duncan props a lot of the time.
I wanna see Celtics v Spurs. It would be a 7-game, knock-down, drawn-out basketbrawl like 2005 but even better. Big 3 vs Big 3. Ancillary role player stories galore.
MAKE
IT
SO.
PS Anyone who disses Simmons should check their head. Who cares if he's a Boston homer? Of course he is! He writes like a fan. He doesn't claim objectivity - he is one of us!
Simmons is the best sports journo in the world. He seamlessly mixes pop culture and sport with some really tight analysis and a great sense of irony.
Name a better sports journo and tell me why and I'll listen, but don't diss this guy until you can show me someone better.
Screw Bill Simmons...
I agree. Simmons is a Boston fan and doesn't make any bones about it. I think it is great to have a columnist who openly supports his team--but has enough integrity to criticize them and cry about them when they are in the pits. You only have to read some of Simmons' stuff from prior years to emphathize with his anguish over the Celts demise from the top ranks of the sport.
He knows the sport and he's drop dead funny sometimes. It's a combination I can't resist. I think he's the most entertaing BB columnist
there is.
How does 4 Championships to 0 Championships equate to a slight advantage?
On a second note...LA and Cleveland? REALLY?
Noone will beat the Lakers. The Nuggets suck but they dont get any help from the refs.
Im hoping the Nuggets fans get classless and start chanting some stuff about Kobe and his white lady friend in CO.
Laker fans are d for chanting 'DUI', so i may as well stoop to their level
Stan should find that woman and sit her next to Kobe's wife in the stands.
It's going to be a hard fought battle if the Spurs meet the Lakers but I think they can handle the Lakers. That regular season game when Gasol went off against Duncan most likely won't happen in the playoffs. Frankly Duncan will turn Gasol inside out. Gasol can't guard him. But Kobe can't really be shutdown though. Gasol and Bowen can only just hope/try to slow them down but I believe Bowen will produce better results.
That's cold but I like you're touch!Im hoping the Nuggets fans get classless and start chanting some stuff about Kobe and his white lady friend in CO.
Laker fans are d for chanting 'DUI', so i may as well stoop to their level
Stan should find that woman and sit her next to Kobe's wife in the stands.
I'd pay for a ticket to see that cat fight.
Simmons has never been one to let possibilities or probabilities limit his creativity. Remember, his wife has a better record at picking NFL games, and she supposedly does it randomly.
Personally, I think Simmons is an ass. It's hard to respect someone who has such blind hate for individual players and teams, whether they are writing from a "fan" perspective or not. His "feuds" with other D-List celebs are particularly pathetic.
2. Cavs - Lakers (Finals)
Guess he's like everyone else and only enjoys grown men dribbling up and down the court and dunking without any interference.
I may not be a Celtic expert, but I think Rondo >= Allen, so its either a big 4 or a big 2, depending on how you look at it
Boston-SA Finals would be sweet!!
This would actually be the first Finals that anyone outside San Antonio and the opposing city actually watches....so that would be a good thing.
It's too bad LA will not make it to the Finals. The Jazz wont let that happen.
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