My whole life changed in a heartbeat today...

[Mark in Austin]

FYI to those one or two who are telling me to everything short of putting her on a chain-gang...
I asked what you would do if it was your child or someone you cared about. I did not ask for you to tell me what I need to do? I was simply curious how others might handle this situation.

Teenagers are very fond of saying "So and So's Mom lets him/her do it, why can't I?" I was just a little curious if I'm in line with what most parents would do in this situation.

I'm glad to read everybody is okay.

I would say I loved her, that I was very happy she was okay, that I wouldn't know what I would do if something had happened to her, and that tonight we get some rest. There'll be plenty of time to deal with everything else tomorrow.

What I would want to convey to her is that first and foremost, I care about her, not the car or her mistakes.

Then the next day have the talk about consequences, being careful, what could have happened to the other lady and her child, etc. I don't think you are being too harsh - especially if it was spelled out to her ahead of time what would happen... I would just give it a little time to breathe before jumping into punishment/consequences/etc.

[2Blonde]

If my mom GPS'd my car I would have ran away from home when I turned 16. I would have kept riding my bike everywhere if the alternative was to have some prison like a GPS my into your car.

Well this warden gave this child a 3,000 pound moving projectile and sent her out in the world. Myself & Mr. Prison Warden won't apologize for doing everything we need to do to insure our prisoner (oops, I mean daughter) is not speeding & goes where she is supposed to. God forbid she be in an accident where nobody is conscious in order to call the police and the GPS be able to locate her.
She is more than welcome to ride a bike if she wants. She knew the standard and chose to drive.

I'm totally serious because I haven't figured out what the thing was she was playing with but when you said batteries flying I'm think it was some kind of rabbit or other stimulus device but then you said "she wasn't supposed to use it till so and so" so now I'm confused if you put an age limit on sex toys.

Furthermore I would never ever ever admit fault. She should have just said she slid in the rain and left it at that. You just opened the door for all kinds of additional heartache down the road with the insurance companies. Then you posted on a public forum. I'd ask Kori to remove this thread.
.

I didn't realize that "what" caused her distraction would be such a huge topic. Whether she got istracted" while changing a radio station,reading a bible or playing with a vibrator doesn't really matter. The end result is that she wasn't paying as much attention to driving as she was supposed to. If she had then she would never had veered off the road in the first place, then she wouldn't have faced the prospect of over-correcting and turning into the oncoming lane.
I also think she did the right thing by telling the truth. How do we expect to teach our children to be honest and yet tell them to hedge around something that might get their insurance rates increased. I have a problem with putting my financial happiness ahead of my child's moral upbringing.

I am glad your kid is safe but sad for her if she's been hearing this same from you ever since the wreck. Holding it against someone for mul asking while driving like it's some kind of ing sin for her not to drive like Jesus, Mary and Joseph were in the car with her.

Negligence my ass. What happened to your daughter was just an unfortunate coincidence, don't go on a mother ing witch hunt trying to condemn her for this. Sometimes accidents happen and no one's at fault. She loses points for telling the truth to you though. She could have just said she slid off the road and when she got back on she spun out. That would've saved you and the insurance company some hassle.

What makes you think she is hearing awful things from me over and over again. I love my daughter and my first priority is to her. You're acting like I plan to chain her to a chair with a big spotlight and a run a loop tape telling her what she did wrong. We talked about it briefly and then tabled any discussion until after she is feeling better and out of her neck brace.

There is no witch hunt unless you know something I don't. Yes, I agree that accidents happen and nobody is at fault sometimes and I also know that sometimes someone is at fault. Your Point???

Oh, she wins points in my book. She certainly showed more character than you by telling the truth.

So not paying attention when its raining and driving around like a lackaisical jackass is mearly a coincidence? Mul asking while driving is pretty much the Cardinal sin behind the wheel.

Either you got me with a quality troll job or you're a complete ing moron. Maybe both.

BINGO!!!!

No matter how hard you try, you can't stop bad things from happening to your children.

What are you going to do, pull the radio from her car? She did something we've all done countless times and came out unscathed.

It's all luck, IMO.

So, because we've done it then it makes it OK for her to do it too? If we rob a bank is it OK for her to do that too?

A person damn near killed some people. They shouldn't be behind the wheel any time soon if not until they're 21 and learn to act like a mature responsible person who can handle a 2000 pound death trap.

Justifying the return of a child to an automobile simply because they attend school miles away from where mom works is a complete abortion of common sense.

Man, you're on fire tonight!! It's interesting because I actually feel as though I deserve some of the blame myself. I keep wondering if maybe we let her start driving a little too soon because it was easier on us.

Glad she's alright. Hope she doesn't get sued though..

If she does then we are insured and I will be proud of her for telling the truth. Whatever life is going to throw at us, it going to throw at us. I would rather her be able to hold her head high and know she did the right thing.

We take ty driving way too lightly.

oh you almost killed someone...heres a ticket don't do that again. Oh it was an accident....well give me that ticket back and be more careful. Good luck and have a jolly day

Again, a great point!

Wow, that stretch around Borgfeld is an accident magnet. Glad to hear everyone made it through relatively unscathed.

I have to say I like the idea of making your daughter responsible for the $1K deductible. I think that will drive the gravity of her responsibility home better than anything else.

Now, let's talk about the unmentionables you and your friend bought from Soma Intimates......

Sorry, my lips are sealed. I heard you've been spending too much time in your bunk lately.

There is no doubt that many kids get cars and driver's licenses as an indulgence, but please keep in mind that it's not always just a matter of "convenience" to the mother!!

Well, I'm admitting that sometimes it is a contributing factor. It's easy to get excited about the fact that you don't have to make those 9:30pm runs to Walgreen's to get poster board for the last minute project anymore. You justify it to yourself by saying that the child who waited until the last moment to mention they needed something for school the next day will now have to suffer the consequences of going out and getting it themselves while you finally get to stay home for the first time in 16 years. I've felt that way and now I feel guilty. She is not the only one who got a huge wakeup call on Friday.

[2Blonde]

Here's what I saw when I went to the impound lot to get her things out of her car today. This is what happens when a 16 yr old gets her license at 16 when she wasn't ready. Skill is only part of the equation, having the mental maturity to know not to look away to change a radio station while you're driving down a slick rain soaked road is obviously very important as well.









The last 2 pics show how thankful we are nobody was in the car with her. There were 4 inches left in the passengers seat. It actually folded over itself. The steel from the seat track were embedded in the gear shift and the passenger door was right next to the driver's console.

[tonylongoriafan]

accidents happen, you can't control things that are out of your hands. i once totaled 3 vehicles in 4 months (only one of them I was determined to be at fault) and i consider myself a good driver and fairly responsible adult (27 years old). i think all you can do is explain to your child the gravity of the situation and make her be responsible for herself. Make her pay the deductible and if she wants a new vehicle, make her pay for it. If her insurance goes up, thats part of the consequences of her actions.

The bottomline line is that ultimately this issue is out of your hands. You have to trust that your daughter understands for her self the gravity of the issue and just pray it never happens again...

[2Blonde]

You can't MAKE someone be a good driver. They have to step it up themselves and have a commitment to being better. There's not a ing thing you can do to make someone pay attention behind the wheel when you aren't there. They have to accept that responsibility on their own. Constant supervision won't change a thing because the minute you step out of the car, it's not the quan y of parenting that's been done, it's the quality.

Actually there is... you could not let them get their license and/or provide a car for them to drive until and unless they themselves make that committment you are spouting.

And what is wrong with forgiveness? She didn't intentionally wreck the car.

Not a thing. I forgave her as soon as the words I'm sorry for breaking the rules" came out of her mouth. The other driver and her daughter also forgave her.

I'm glad 2Daughter and the other family are relatively OK. It reads like the results are better than one would expect for a crash this measurable.

I'm not a parent and I'm not about to get into that debate with the usual suspects, but I will relate what I believe from my upbringing. My parents helped me with getting my first vehicle because they could, but they expected much of the same things you and 2Grey do of your daughter.

I will say this, though. Deep down, I've always been a little glad my parents worried too much about me than not enough.

I think it's a great idea that you had your daughter save for her own deductible and be money-conscious from an early age. I think she'll probably learn from this experience, too, and will likely benefit from the hardships she'll now be facing.

Best wishes.

Thank You..

Hopefully your daughter learned a important lesson about responsibility.Her actions do affect her and can impact complete strangers.
To eveyone who knows that area where the wreck was, be alittle more careful, vigilant, etc. through those curves. That is a spot where my dept makes quite a few accidents. We have to be cautious when we drive a fire/rescue/ems apparatus through there because of the weight of our vehicles could have a back end sliding.

I thought that needed another viewing!! Thank you, Rasho.

We are the Bexar-Bulverde VFD, If figured yor daughter was being cared for by Timmy(you spelled the name right.) If it is who I think Mr. Ortega is, his name is Sam, He works for AMR. I am glad to know that your daughter was in good hands ( I trust Timmy with my family care if it was ever needed and I know Sam Ortegea well, he would be allowed to transport my family!)
Just let me know how she is doing and MAY I tell the guys that she is okay as far as medically it goes( Momma okay...she is in guarded condition, but I won't pass that along)

You are more than welcome to pass along our thanks. I cannot begin to express how thankful I am to "Timmy" for everything he did. He took car of my precious baby and kep me updated since I was stucki n rainy rush hour traffic.

Man I suck at riddles....

Too bad.

2Blonde... I am sorry to hear this... I am glad that things were not much worse.... my prayers to you and your family... and ummm... I miss the sig

My sig is still on. Is it not showing up?

Were you hoping 2blonde has a lesbian experience too?

Well, actually there was this one time...

[2Blonde]

accidents happen, you can't control things that are out of your hands. i once totaled 3 vehicles in 4 months (only one of them I was determined to be at fault) and i consider myself a good driver and fairly responsible adult (27 years old). i think all you can do is explain to your child the gravity of the situation and make her be responsible for herself. Make her pay the deductible and if she wants a new vehicle, make her pay for it. If her insurance goes up, thats part of the consequences of her actions.

The bottomline line is that ultimately this issue is out of your hands. You have to trust that your daughter understands for her self the gravity of the issue and just pray it never happens again...

I agree with most of what you said except the last paragraph. At 16, it is totally in my hands. Yes I do have to trust in her understanding at some point and pray it doesn't happen again, but it doesn't mean I stick my head in the sand and leave it up to fate. She's an amazing kid, but she's still a kid and kids need guidance.

[2Blonde]

Thank you to everyone who has expressed their concern about my daughter and the occupants of the other car. It means so much to us. You guys are amazing and have given me lots to think about and consider. Beginning Monday we get down to the business of doctors visits and rehab appointments, oh and school too!

[tonylongoriafan]

I agree with most of what you said except the last paragraph. At 16, it is totally in my hands. Yes I do have to trust in her understanding at some point and pray it doesn't happen again, but it doesn't mean I stick my head in the sand and leave it up to fate. She's an amazing kid, but she's still a kid and kids need guidance.

it is your hands for now. okay, so if you want to ban her from driving, she'll have no choice but to live with it...until she's 18, then what. you ulimately know your child better than anyone and if you think your form of discipline is best, i am in no position to dispute that. all i'm saying is try not to over-react. all the happenings we experience mold us into who we are. if it were me, i would "ease" her back into driving as soon as she's up to it. without knowing you personally, i would give you the benefit of the doubt by saying you've raised and are raising a good kid. this accident, albeit devasting, is just an accident. the only thing that matters is that your child is okay and that you and her are able to take this experience and learn from it.

[MannyIsGod]

Really? So you think that teens with completely negligent parents make the best drivers?

No. What you miss is that regardless of parenting, a teenager will have a higher predisposition to unsafe driving.

[J.T.]

Well this warden gave this child a 3,000 pound moving projectile and sent her out in the world. Myself & Mr. Prison Warden won't apologize for doing everything we need to do to insure our prisoner (oops, I mean daughter) is not speeding & goes where she is supposed to. God forbid she be in an accident where nobody is conscious in order to call the police and the GPS be able to locate her.
She is more than welcome to ride a bike if she wants. She knew the standard and chose to drive.

Just out of curiosity if you catch her speeding on GPS, do you issue her a citation?

[ShoogarBear]

The initial post started out ridiculously promising in the first few lines but then fell off.

I am a bad person. I was thinking the same thing.


Glad to hear it was mostly a learning experience for everyone, and not much worse.

[mrsmaalox]

It's NOT the age.

AT ALL.

It's the parenting.

It doesn't matter WHAT age you make driving legal, if the parenting isn't there, the kid is still going to be a dumbass doing 85 while texting in the snow. I see 40 year olds EVERY SINGLE DAY in Chicago that should never, ever be behind the wheel of a car.

Really? So you think that teens with completely negligent parents make the best drivers?

It's really hard to understand what you're not getting here. Not one single person here has disagreed that good parenting is VERY important!! What is being taken to task though is your assertions that driving skills are ONLY parenting related, and that basic, normal human physiological/psychological development are NOT factors.
Your argument is basically no different than saying that a 98 yr old behind the wheel has skewed reflexes because of poor parenting!

[Cry Havoc]

It's really hard to understand what you're not getting here. Not one single person here has disagreed that good parenting is VERY important!! What is being taken to task though is your assertions that driving skills are ONLY parenting related, and that basic, normal human physiological/psychological development are NOT factors.
Your argument is basically no different than saying that a 98 yr old behind the wheel has skewed reflexes because of poor parenting!

We're talking about teenagers here. I would assume that teenagers have moderately good reflexes.

Okay, let me phrase it another way. My mom and stepdad taught me "how" to drive. How to shift, when to turn, how to look both ways, what to do when my car starts hydroplaning, driving in snow, how to go from point A to point B.

My dad taught me how to actually drive. Ways to look for accidents that are about to happen, ways to notice when a car isn't behaving like it should (i.e., the person isn't paying attention behind the wheel), ways to constantly evaluate your situation to leave yourself an out in case the situation gets bad around you and you need to find an escape route. It is amazing the number of accidents I've seen almost happen to us, but through my dad's quick reflexes, we averted a collision.

My point isn't that "it's all about the parenting", although that's what I said. But the part of driving that's up to the teenager is not directly within our ability to control. It's a responsibility they have to accept and grow up with.

What I'm arguing against is people who are arguing for an extended period of no car, no driving are not only taking away the opportunities to teach, but removing her chances to have experience behind the wheel. If she had been driving for 5 more years and that happens when she's 21, I bet she doesn't over-correct on the road and probably doesn't wreck. So obviously, experience plays a huge role here.

No. What you miss is that regardless of parenting, a teenager will have a higher predisposition to unsafe driving.

I completely agree with this, and I never said otherwise. But there are some teens that go through life without even a single serious accident.

[PM5K]

Just out of curiosity if you catch her speeding on GPS, do you issue her a citation?

No, she gets the mother ing beat down...

[2Blonde]

Just out of curiosity if you catch her speeding on GPS, do you issue her a citation?

No, she gets the mother ing beat down...

[ShoogarBear]

Actually, I'm surprised no one has used GPS technology to come up with a "child-driver monitor", to follow things like speeding.

[2Blonde]

The initial post started out ridiculously promising in the first few lines but then fell off. Glad she's okay, remind her driving is a privilege not a right.

I am a bad person. I was thinking the same thing.

Well we went back the next day & I ended up with 6 new bras just in time for the Spurs season to start. Feel better now.

Just out of curiosity if you catch her speeding on GPS, do you issue her a citation?

No, I've actually only gotten one alert that said she was going more than 2 MPH over speed limit. In any case I just ask her why and tell her to slow it down.

Actually, I'm surprised no one has used GPS technology to come up with a "child-driver monitor", to follow things like speeding.

That's exactly what hers does. It's not the kind that give you a map to find an adress. You can enter perimeters and times if you have a child who has a habit of leaving the school between certain hours. I have never done that. I simply entered the information saying I wanted to know how fast she was going and that I only want an alert emialed to me if she is going more than 2 mies over the speed limit. It's called a GPS Trackit through the Safe Teen Driving Club.

[ShoogarBear]

Well we went back the next day & I ended up with 6 new bras just in time for the Spurs season to start. Feel better now.

TTIWWP

[2Blonde]

A lot of people here seem to be under the impression that we are going to ground her and never let her drive again. My comments about shuttling her around for the time being are because we are down to 2 cars & she happens to be in a hard collar neckbrace and on painkillers , neither of which are condusive to getting her back on the road. We don't intend to keep her off the road, just ease her back in to it when she is healed. We'll talk more about when we will get her a another car after we know if she has to have neck surgery and/or starts physica therapy.

[marini martini]

Any chance you will be meeting Rasho & the rest of us for lunch on Weds.???? Hope so!!!

[2Blonde]

Well we went back the next day & I ended up with 6 new bras just in time for the Spurs season to start. Feel better now.

TTIWWP

Bravatars baby, bravatars. Just pray the Spurs make it to the playoffs.

[2Blonde]

Any chance you will be meeting Rasho & the rest of us for lunch on Weds.???? Hope so!!!

Sending you a PM

[tlongII]

Is the car totalled? Looks like it might be from the pics.

[mrsmaalox]

I heard about this one (or something like it) on NPR recently. Unfortunately it may be a bit too humiliating for the kid. But the GPS thing sounds great, and I will be in the market for one in a about a year.

http://www.kiddrivers.com/program_details.html

[2Blonde]

Is the car totalled? Looks like it might be from the pics.

Yes, when I went to clean out her car I saw the devastation. I couldn't even get everything out because of the damamge. The passenger's seat was practically crushed and the passenger's door was where the seat shoudl have been. THe frame looks like a pretsel