Reply With Quote
I'm consistently amused (and troubled) by the idea/assumption that women somehow own that le exclusively.
Don't have secrets from your wife. She must tell you everything you would want to know, and you must tell her anything she would want to know.Although married men can also feel free to jump in. My main question is this: do you need to know everything, and I mean everything about your husband? I'm talking about needing to know who he's emailed, what he did when he went out to the store for an hour, what he said to his friend during a phone conversation, etc.
The reason I ask this is that I got into a whole storm with the wife over a situation in which I did not provide her every little detail. One situation involves a friend who I haven't seen in almost two years, we were best friends at one time and then a split occurred. My wife has never been fond of him, and is very sensitive any time his name comes up.
So, I mention to my wife that I'm thinking about contacting him to find out why he hasn't communicated with me in so long. Now, I've given my wife my password to my email account so she can read any transactions that take place. I set a date to meet with my friend on a Friday recently, but just don't really think about telling the wife immediately (also knowing she'll likely get somewhat angry about this meeting).
Turns out that I have something come up and cancel the meeting, since the meeting didn't happen I don't think it's that important to tell the wife about. Well, she goes out of control about how I've lied to her in our relationship, and how my lies are destroying our marriage. Seriously?
I just didn't think it was that important since the meeting never took place. Should I have told her everything speck of information? If the meeting didn't even happen is it worth even mentioning?
She also saw another email where I was just doing the whole married guy joking around thing with another friend, talking about how I've got to get out of the house soon, I'm always getting nagged, etc. Now, this was just joking with a friend, not how I seriously feel about our marriage. BUT, she took me to task over this as well, stating that I've painted her in a negative light to my friends and how she can't look them in the face or be around them again since I've done this. So, am I going crazy? Doesn't everyone vent about marriage with friends from time to time?
Any and all advice from the married women out there is much appreciated, married men (and really anyone with some good insight) is also appreciated.
That's how will she be happy, so you do it.
Secondly, don't ever talk about your personal life with your wife to your real life friends. It's none of their business.
and why the are you lying to us? You know damn well you weren't joking about your wife nagging you. You were serious and you got caught. Otherwise, why make that type of joke? You don't talk badly, or even JOKE, or even let anyone else joke about your family like that. EVER.
Sounds to me like you aren't happy in your relationship and are thus making her unhappy.
and lastly, did you do anything to lose her trust?
She is either paranoid for no reason, crazy type of behavior...
OR
You did something that hurt her and she is taking a long time to heal from it. Trust can be broken in only one moment, but rebuilding that trust takes years sometimes.
If she's just crazy and you didn't do anything, then she needs to work on her behavior and you need to tell her whatever she wants to know. If you love her, you want to make her happy. And since she is devoting her life to you, knowing where you go and who you talk to is not a big deal.
I'm consistently amused (and troubled) by the idea/assumption that women somehow own that le exclusively.
I certainly don't need to know that. My wife was rather controlling at first, but she's mellowed out since I've explained that it's a matter of trust. If she can't trust me to do things like you've mentioned, then I told her there was no reason to stick with me. She came to her senses.
Also, I'm going to visit friends I've had for about 8 years now, that I met in the military while stationed in San Antonio. Well, she doesn't like sleeping alone at night, and so at first she was very opposed to it. My friends gave me a hard time about it, calling me a pussy and the normal things like that (spoiler: neither of them are married or have steady girflriends! surprise) and I told them to lay off, and that I knew my wife before we married and accepted limitations.
My wife heard me tell them this, and then she let up a little, and gave me permission to go for two extra days.
You should explain to her you're an honest guy (if you are) and she has nothing to worry about. She should never have your password to your email accounts, that's plain re ed.
she'd be really happy if she read this thread.
Gee I wonder why women get su ious??I've realized there's a lot of bashing of paranoid and controlling women in this thread, but from my experiences this phenomenon is pretty damn common in men as well. It's a human thing to want to know a lot about your partner because you don't want to be hurt or find out way too late you've been ed over. Most people probably aren't controlling but it's common in men as well...because they are paranoid s
Excellent post Miami Heat.
My wife and I both express that opinion to each other every once in a while. That, and we make it a point to try to flirt at least once a day.
All I can say is the longer you're together, the better it gets. If you wake up and realize life would be a big fat drag if you suddenly lost your partner, then you're on the road to a good solid relationship. Keep things exciting, be supportive, and encourage one another to seek their joy!!!
Good luck!!
It's science.
Oh, no, no, no. I used to have a good friend (until her husband made her move to Oklahoma so they could live with his mom) who couldn't go out with me to have lunch and drinks without her paranoid freak of a husband calling 6 times to check on her. He even asked her why he could hear a man's voice and she was like, "Because they allow men in Appleby's!" She spent more time on the phone trying to convince him that she was having lunch with me than she spent actually having lunch with me. It was annoying as . I don't know why she didn't just turn off her phone.
Wouldn't that make him su ious?
Yeah, that is crazy. That behavior is a no-no, unacceptable.
I was quoting Ron Burgundy from Anchorman.
Paranoid freaks can be found on both sides. I have found, however, that women can really dig into the "psycho" basement sometimes.
, I've seen some really psycho chicks lose it sometimes.
My ex-husband was like that. Fortunately, cell phones weren't that common way back then.
with the myspace & facebook stuff going on now it's easy for spouses to have a secret life.
I've been married 16 years... my wife has friends that I am not crazy about, and is very much into the myspace thing, which she keeps it private from me.
As Mrs M said up above, the older you get the less you care. Actually she said "the longer you are together". Very true. I'm old enough now that I really don't give a crap. Married people need some space from each other, to an extent at least... Being too possesive and controlling just serves to further move two people apart.
It's not, actually. Most recent science is showing that there are few, if any, genetic/biological differences between men and women that influence personality traits.
If there is any truth to the idea that women are paranoid s, which I don't think is the case having dated both men and women, it's due to various stereotypes and socially constructed gender norms. When women learn behavior patterns that suggest they can't/shouldn't directly speak their mind, it can create few options other than becoming paranoid and manipulative shrews.
EDIT: Meh, didn't recognize the Anchorman quote. Point still stands, though.
Is this chic white?
You're not kidding. My husband spends almost all day every Saturday in New Braunfels with his friends and I never say boo about it. But I took too long grocery shopping on Sunday and he grilled me about it when I got home. Honestly, how many times do you have to ask the question, "Were you really shopping that whole time?" and get the same answer before you believe it?
So people really give their spouses free reign with their email accounts? Isn't that kind of like getting your spouse on the line every time someone calls you? Odd.
I think your wife has every reason to be pissed. But, I still think women are bat- crazy.
My wife has full access to my massive bank accounts so why should I worry about my e-mail? She knows my ssn#, my BD and enough where I don't feel a need to keep my email password a secret.
*Side note*
It's good that couples spend time away from each other for a while, we need a vacation from each other.
Do you keep your texting private also? I can pickup my wife's phone any time and scroll through her messages although I've never felt a need to. She saw one of my text messages saying "the eagle has landed" and just laughed.
Dude has issues.You're not kidding. My husband spends almost all day every Saturday in New Braunfels with his friends and I never say boo about it. But I took too long grocery shopping on Sunday and he grilled me about it when I got home. Honestly, how many times do you have to ask the question, "Were you really shopping that whole time?" and get the same answer before you believe it?
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
