My fiancee just left me

silverblk mystix · 10-21-2010

Seriously, food for thought, Silv.

**Brazil** · 10-21-2010

Sorry to hear that Fin'

Best advises are
- don't drink don't smoke because it will be worst after
- don't try to fix things
- forget her
- see your buddies

what you will do because this is the way it works:
- drink
- smoke
- party
- try to fix things

best you can do is try to stay in control and don't exagerate, that is all.

time is the only medecine

**ezau** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by Giuseppe

Nam, with the goods. "What does not kill me only makes me stronger." is a truism of the highest caliber. It's over used, yes, but, it is absolutely confirmed.

Fin, you're a fine fellow. You have a good heart, and there is no better measure of a man.

Amazing advice, Cully

**ezau** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by namlook

It's not going to happen. Once a woman makes a move like that you need to move on. It's painful but you will get over it in time.

Also if she does this once you can never trust her to not hold your emotions hostage like this in the future. Cut it off now and move on.

And remember this: You should never want to be in a relationship with any woman that doesn't want you.

You should also feel lucky that she did this now and not after you got married.

Nam with the goods

**Leonard Curse** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by ElNono

Sorry to hear that Fin.
I went through a relationship like that (not as close to marriage, but severe mood swing like that, no explanations, sometimes the 'I need time on my own' BS, severe broken heart, borderline-paranoia, etc.)
When I look back at it, I'm grateful that after the ensuing pain and recovery things didn't work out. It was a learning experience and an eye opener.
My advice, stay far... far away from women like that.

My next serious relationship was a couple of years after that one, and I met a much 'simpler' person (in terms of mood swings/personal complexity), whom I made clear from the get go that communication was priority number one. If she couldn't tell me how she felt, and she kept piling inside, then eventually it would all come out one day and we'll be screwed by then. We built a pretty solid relationship around that, and after dating for a little over a year, we moved together. We married shortly afterwards.

I have 5 years being married (anniversary this coming Saturday), and to be honest I'm probably the happiest married man alive. Wouldn't have it any other way really. But I also understand that I found the closest thing to what I wanted/needed, and that we're 100% honest to each other. We don't hold anything back. And that's what works great for us.

Ultimately, if she feels like she can dump you but she can't look at you straight in the eyes and tell you what she really thinks or how she really feels, then that's a mammoth warning light. Stay away. I understand the pain that goes through you, and I would say: try to keep distracted. Go play some basketball, keep your mind busy at work, and let time heal you. You will come out of this with a lot better idea of what you want from a relationship, and specifically what you absolutely do not want. And I'm sure someday you'll cross roads with your match. Really wish you the best bro, because I know how painful this can be. But there's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

elnono is correct if you were meant to be with her you would still be together and if shes able to dump you like that (the person she loves) without any sort of big reason could you imagine if something did happen to effect the relationship?? she would split so fast, so its best to stay away! if you get back with her and beg it will make her lose that respect for you and also think she can do whatever she wants remember youre the man here!!

women play mind games and thats just the way they are! theyll be the first to admit theyre crazy, women obsess about characters in movies and and celebrities on tv shows anything superficial it sounds terrible but its true. women live in fantasy more than you and i can believe, when they see these movies and reality t.v shows they display the perfect guy as some mind reader who knows and gives the women her every desire lets not forget the guy is loaded some how and very handsome. this is fed to our women today and has been for many years now and like it or not this is what women believe they deserve!!! for what ?? well they think for their beauty or ya know ... what they give.

ive learned some crazy things dating beautiful women, theyre insecure and want something to complain about if theyre man does everything for them and worships the ground they walk on they lose respect for those men. thats why they are obsessed with guys that treat them like because they always have some sort of drama in their lives.

@findog im really sorry to hear that your going through this crap. have comfort in knowing that if your a good catch and you were a good fiance to her and she still wasnt happy. know that she will be unhappy & end up old and lonely like most of the women today. theyre so beautiful but in no time that all fades and then there left ugly, old, bitter, and lonely! just be happy and live doing things that make you happy and women will fall in place especially if your not searching for one!!

**Findog** · 10-21-2010

She plainly stated-she has never been in a relationship longer than a year-she cannot give you what you want-she does not wanna be tied-she wants to be single.

Fair enough. But she always acted happy throughout the course of our relationship. I knew she wasn't faking that. And she told me many times how I was different from all the guys that came before. She basically put the failures of her previous rel'ships on things she found lacking with her exes, not a commitment phobia. Maybe she does that with every guy she dates and I'm now finding that out the hard way. I'm not trying to bargain here and deny reality.

Understand why you depended on another human being for YOUR happiness and the pain will go away

Who says I put all of the responsibility for being happy on her? I've always believe the following: I would rather be single than be in an unsatisfying, dysfunctional, whatever relationship, but I would rather be in a fulfilling, happy relationship filled with love than be single. For the most part before she came along I think I made the best of being single. And when I was with her, she added immensely to that happiness. When your fiancee leaves you, or your parents die, or you lose your job, or whatever calamity finds you, you're not supposed to be happy about it. You're going to feel pain. My choice is whether or not I want to grieve well or grieve poorly. Whether I want to endure that pain and learn from it, and come out of it a wiser and stronger person, or whether I want to wallow in misery and engage in suffering.

**Trill Clinton** · 10-21-2010

**Mr.Bottomtooth** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by JJ Hickson

- Findog's fiance left him

- People showed sympathy/gave advice

- Mavs get knocked out in first round

- Jungle juice recipes

**Giuseppe** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by Findog

My choice is whether or not I want to grieve well or grieve poorly. Whether I want to endure that pain and learn from it, and come out of it a wiser and stronger person, or whether I want to wallow in misery and engage in suffering.

You'll do it all, Fin. And there ain't nothing wrong with that.

**Giuseppe** · 10-21-2010

Vulv, we all like Fin, he's aces with us, but, there are two sides to these stories.

Fin needs a cut man in his corner, yes, but, he doesn't need "yes" men.

Am I gettin' thru to ya, big fella?

**Giuseppe** · 10-21-2010

As Silv admonished a page or two back: she did explain. Fin has just chosen to not process the information. Sometimes the mind can only handle so much pain. Many times the old lady and I argue viciously...days later it'll surface in my mind certain things that were said that I just now recall and I'll go after her afresh.

You don't have a lengthy relationship with a girl and brand her " ty" because it's over.

**koriwhat** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by DUNCANownsKOBE

I need to show my appreciation for the Jew Krew having my back tbh.

hahaha and rape juice hahahaha!

Originally Posted by JJ Hickson

It's a struggle for the Jewish people in these times. Need to stick together imo.

whatever... ain't a struggle for my millionaire boss. he's sittin' high in the sky with the finer things in life.

Originally Posted by Findog

We began talking marriage about 3-4 months into the relationship.

biggest mistake ever!

why are some dudes in such a rush to commit and i'm not just talking gf/bf either, i'm talking marriage? wtf?! my brother did the same and he's married to the ugliest, tiest, dumb in' i have ever met. i dubbed that "beast from the east".

anyhow, get your game on but never ever be backed by the opposition into halfcourt and think you're going to get the ball off to your 2 guard waiting for a 3 in the corner. keep your court vision on and make sure you make the right plays.

women are in' crazy no matter how you spin it and they're not rational at all. maybe your chick was suckin' and in' some other dudes and maybe she wasn't, you're wasting time thinking about such things. time in' wasted. move on!

btw, the squad has me ballin' daily because they all seem to be a bunch of drama queens who have a bunch of piling up on themselves lately. is gettin' to the point of total hilarity. as much as yall troll me, i can take solace in my ability not to come in here and cry over some old pussy. you got problems, keep them off the internet!

squad! hahahahaha! thanks for the laughs.

**BUMP** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by koriwhat

he's married to the ugliest, tiest, dumb in' i have ever met. i dubbed that "beast from the east".

**koriwhat** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by vulvaface

she shouldn't have led Fin on all the way to the point of engagement

dude... 3 to 4 months before getting engaged. 'nuff said.

**Phillip** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by koriwhat

hahaha and rape juice hahahaha!

whatever... ain't a struggle for my millionaire boss. he's sittin' high in the sky with the finer things in life.

biggest mistake ever!

why are some dudes in such a rush to commit and i'm not just talking gf/bf either, i'm talking marriage? wtf?! my brother did the same and he's married to the ugliest, tiest, dumb in' i have ever met. i dubbed that "beast from the east".

anyhow, get your game on but never ever be backed by the opposition into halfcourt and think you're going to get the ball off to your 2 guard waiting for a 3 in the corner. keep your court vision on and make sure you make the right plays.

women are in' crazy no matter how you spin it and they're not rational at all. maybe your chick was suckin' and in' some other dudes and maybe she wasn't, you're wasting time thinking about such things. time in' wasted. move on!

btw, the squad has me ballin' daily because they all seem to be a bunch of drama queens who have a bunch of piling up on themselves lately. is gettin' to the point of total hilarity. as much as yall troll me, i can take solace in my ability not to come in here and cry over some old pussy. you got problems, keep them off the internet!

squad! hahahahaha! thanks for the laughs.

**tlongII** · 10-21-2010

Ah, who gives a ? You gotta be crazy to get married these days.

**koriwhat** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by tlongII

Ah, who gives a ? You gotta be crazy to get married these days.

religion, politics, the police, and marriage!

**Giuseppe** · 10-21-2010

Originally Posted by vulvaface

so you think some vague bull answer like "i just can't love you the right way" is a legitimate way to end an engagement?

In your mind there is no legitimate way to end an engagement.

Fin has every right to deflect her voice when she is in rejecting mode. It's natural for him to do so. It'll seep in as time goes by. When he's ready.

Relationships are messy, especially twixt Americans. We're spoiled & privileged.

This kinda reminds me of the "Good Times" episode where "James" dies down South in an automobile accident. The family finds out up in Chicago via telephone, the children are devastated. "Florida" though immediately goes into total denial and prepares for his arrival and his wake in near catatonic state. The children are in turns concerned, perplexed, and outraged at her behavior. Each tries to speak to her, but, she'll have none of it. None.

The wake takes place in the apartment in a lightly lit set, somber tones (surreal to see this on this show) slow gaits as one after another pay their respect to "Florida" and try desperately to draw her out and get her to grieve. She's adamant. She rebuffs each attempt firmly and without movement.

The guests finally leave, she tells the three children to go to their rooms that she'll clean up by herself. She begins taking dishes from the living room to the kitchen. Grabs the empty glass punch bowl at this point, turns to the kitchen, takes two steps in, stops, quivers a beat, slams the bowl to the floor shattering it, uttering in bitter, terse hatred: "dayum! dayum! dayum!"........grief is patient. It had waited on her.