Do your teens have a school night bedtime?

[desflood]

Even on a school night? With FB and all these other message boards and things that could very well have her up till the wee hours of the morning I would probably keep the bedtime. I may move it up a hour or so, but still keep it.

The difference may be that in our house we don't have televisions or computers in any of the bedrooms - everything like that is out in the "common areas". Of course that may change as the kids get older, but for now it certainly makes it easier to monitor what they're doing and keep them on a good track.

[ploto]

I am lucky that my child has never been big on defying me on going to bed because he likes his sleep. On school nights, he knows to wind down on what he is doing about 10 and then he gets into the shower. He prefers to shower at night because then he can sleep as late as possible in the morning. His high school starts at 8:00. By 10:30 he is pretty much ready for bed and he often watches TV until 11 at the latest, and then he turns out the lights and goes to bed. On weekends, I do not really care as long as it is reasonable. He usually stays up to watch Craig Ferguson on Friday and SNL on Saturday and goes to be about 12:30 or 1:00. In the summer, I do not care if he is up until 2:00 and sleeps until noon.

He has friends who stay up until 2:00 on school nights and drink lots of coffee, but he has expressed no desire to do the same. I think girls are worse than boys when it comes to wanting to FB and text at all hours.

[Frenzy]

A B student,not knocked up,actually listens to you at that age?!























Seems like you got a good kid there man. Stop being so spoiled! She is definitely at that age where she wants more freedom and you should give it to her. As parents sometimes we get stuck in a certain time frame and forget just how fast they grow up. Loosen the leash a bit. If she acts up tighten them up again....and that "I don't care what your freinds are doing" drove me nuts as a kid....but if I'm not using that on my kid.

[Viva Las Espuelas]

so she blew up last night saying my rules are outdated and suck major ass.
Am I am prude for a parent?

I think you're being a parent. Big disclaimer here is I'm not a parent but if I'm putting a roof over her head, clothing her and feeding her face, day in and day out, I would get pretty perturbed if my kid told me my rules are "outdated and suck major ass". I hear lots of kids disrespect their parents with language like that when they're trying to parent and, frankly, it makes my blood boil. But I know things aren't what they used to be. Very sad, but true. $.02

[JoeChalupa]

I'm loosening my grip. She's a good student, does getup on her own, works, keeps her room clean and does help around the house. I think her saying she wanted to move out struck a nerve that I cannot forget and so we'll have a talk tonight after she gets off of work. She's a young woman and I need to respect that but I've also told her to speak her mind and she did.
Lots of good responses and I appreciate it. Thinking like Dr. Huxtable mixed in with some Roseanne Conner ain't easy.

[Frenzy]

I'm loosening my grip. She's a good student, does getup on her own, works, keeps her room clean and does help around the house. I think her saying she wanted to move out struck a nerve that I cannot forget and so we'll have a talk tonight after she gets off of work. She's a young woman and I need to respect that but I've also told her to speak her mind and she did.
Lots of good responses and I appreciate it. Thinking like Dr. Huxtable mixed in with some Roseanne Conner ain't easy.

YouTube. Don't be stingy either..

[ploto]

I think her saying she wanted to move out struck a nerve that I cannot forget and so we'll have a talk tonight after she gets off of work.

A little off topic, but this generation of kids has been screwed over by all the adults who have given them the notion that they have lots of options about where to live. Not that parents staying together for the kids is better, but so many kids have the I'll go live with my other parent threat whenever they get mad at the one who actually enforces rules. Then you have aunts, uncles, and grandparents all acting as if it is fine for them to move in with them when they get mad at mom and dad.

Your daughter knew full well that she was saying what she knew would hurt you the most. Teenage girls are good at that.

[Sisk]

start letting go now or when she turns 18 she will rebel and stick it to you in every way possible. Im sure you realize how little control you have over her now, think about how crazy you'll make yourself when you legally have no say in what she does in a few months. start loosening the reigns now joe.

This.

One of my best friends had a really strict dad and he did a bunch of ed up just to piss him off. He was a good guy but his dad was such a to him about this kind of stuff so he rebelled. Now they have a much better relationship (22 years old) and the dad let up on his younger two brothers. They're much better kids than he ever was.

I'm no parent, but in my experience/opinion it's better to let them come into their own and learn from mistakes as long as their not hurting themselves or anyone else. If she is continuously tired at school she'll eventually learn that it sucks and she'll go to bed earlier. Also, when someone is telling you to go to sleep I've found it's much more difficult to actually do so. When you go to bed when you're naturally inclined to it's much easier. Like most others have said - you don't want to piss her off but you also want to make sure she respects you. That is much easier said than done of course.

[Trainwreck2100]

that's what you get for letting her read that twilight bull . She probably wants to marry her stalker too.

[JoeChalupa]

A little off topic, but this generation of kids has been screwed over by all the adults who have given them the notion that they have lots of options about where to live. Not that parents staying together for the kids is better, but so many kids have the I'll go live with my other parent threat whenever they get mad at the one who actually enforces rules. Then you have aunts, uncles, and grandparents all acting as if it is fine for them to move in with them when they get mad at mom and dad.

Your daughter knew full well that she was saying what she knew would hurt you the most. Teenage girls are good at that.

Her Aunt lives about 4 blocks away so that is why she can throw that out there and yeah, I said some things that I knew would hurt my parents too. And the fact that my SIL doesn't believe in rules like we do and tells her that we need to be more understanding doesn't help. I've had some pretty harsh words with her about trying to raise my kids.

[JoeChalupa]

that's what you get for letting her read that twilight bull . She probably wants to marry her stalker too.

She didn't read the books, I did. She only watches the movies.

[JoeChalupa]

Parenting is a tough job and even my siblings don't parent the same as I do. My older brother thought my parents were too strict so he went the "friend" way and his kids have no respect and talk back to him and are not working. My sister is the same way and her son just quit his job at HEB for no reason at all. I now my way may backfire but I do what feels right. My daughters have such different personalities that what works for one doesn't work for the other. It ain't easy but I love it.

[DAF86]

I was going out to clubs at age 16, I understand the cultural differences so I won't tell you to let her out yet, but you should definitely ease up on the bed time thing.

[FuzzyLumpkins]

That's what we do with my 15 daughter ... and since she's never overslept, doesn't have at ude problems at school and is an honor roll student I have no problem with that.

My 14 year old son, however ... even though he's also an honor roll student, he is so hard to wake up and sleeps through his alarm already, it's lights out at 10:00 for him or I'd never be able to get him up on time.

Teenage males require a lot of sleep. That is just a biological necessity.

Sleeping 12 hours is not him being lazy if he does that.

[JoeChalupa]

I just want her to be alert and ready for school. She does get up at 7 and even with 11pm she doesn't actually get to sleep until around 12. If I say midnight she won't actually fall asleep until later. And she falls asleep with the TV on even though we tell her to use the damn timer.

[Nick Manning]

Teenage males require a lot of sleep. That is just a biological necessity.

Sleeping 12 hours is not him being lazy if he does that.

Truth.

[xellos88330]

If her grades are steady, she wakes up and is ready for school on time, and doesn't give you about how tired she is, then I think she deserves to stay up during school nights. Give her those conditions.

It also teaches them consequence. If they don't comply, they get burned and it is of no fault of yours, but theirs.

[SpursWoman]

Teenage males require a lot of sleep. That is just a biological necessity.

Sleeping 12 hours is not him being lazy if he does that.

Oh, I know .... he's 14 and already 6'1". All of that growing has to happen sometime, that's why it's lights out earlier for him. He's usually crashed 10, anyway.

[xellos88330]

Oh, I know .... he's 14 and already 6'1". All of that growing has to happen sometime, that's why it's lights out earlier for him. He's usually crashed 10, anyway.

Awww !!! IS THAT WHY I AM SO SHORT!!!

[DMC]

I raised two.

I didn't push the bedtime thing too much. You cannot make them sleep anyhow.

What's going to affect their lives is the advice you give and the follow through with them. Things like bed time are more for parents to have peace of mind knowing their kids are in bed.

Although you don't see any reason to talk after that time, they do. I fought hard against the "think like them" idea for quite some time, but eventually you have to do that if you want to stay in touch. They don't have the wisdom you have, and won't try to think like you (they probably couldn't if they tried because they lack real world experience).

I've learned through my experiences and watching those around me that you can only equip them for life, you cannot control their decisions. Many of them will still do the wrong things even though they've been told countless times what the consequences will be. Sounds harsh, but some people are just stupid.

[DMC]

If her grades are steady, she wakes up and is ready for school on time, and doesn't give you about how tired she is, then I think she deserves to stay up during school nights. Give her those conditions.

It also teaches them consequence. If they don't comply, they get burned and it is of no fault of yours, but theirs.

It's always your fault. That's how they see it. Until they are 30, everything ed up in their life is a result of upbringing. It's not until later that they admit to themselves they had choices.

Ok, I might be stretching the age a bit.

[JoeChalupa]

Going to have lunch with her today to talk things over and hash things out. Cutting her some slack and letting her know that I do realize she is a young woman and I cannot control her at all times. Good words of wisdom from you all.

[DMC]

You: "I realize you are a young woman, not a kid, and I'm letting you stay up later"

Her mind: "letting me? Whatever... play it off..."

Her: "Thanks dad, can I have 20 dollars? This is Shawn... he's a rapper.. bye!"

Shawn: "wut up dude"

[JoeChalupa]

Mind games.

[mrsmaalox]

No I've never had to enforce a bedtime with my kids. While my kids were asking to be tucked in at 7pm, my brother was just gearing up for the 5 hour battle ahead Even now as teens, I never say anything about bedtime and my house is quiet by 11 on weeknights, maybe a bit later on weekends. Mornings are not a struggle, I don't have to do wake up calls for anyone. They all have tvs/computers/phones in their rooms but there's never been a video game or tv show that is interesting enough to them to lose sleep over. My brother on the hand has the "common area only" tv/computer rule and he's in a constant battle with his teen boys about them and bedtime. So I guess it's just depends on the kids' personalities.

Joe I think if your daughter is responsible and a good student, there is no problem in letting her control her own bedtime. She's safe and in your house, which is the most important thing