How do I get my ex back?

[NewcastleKEG]

Few quick thoughts

- Women are different than men. Once they push that switch and ''get over'' you, it's VERY difficult and unlikely they will regain those feelings towards you. Women are very specific about the differences:

LOVING YOU vs BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU

Guys are more likely to 'settle' and stay with a girl that is fun (or here at the time) even though you are not truly head and shoulders in love with her. Girls want to be moving in a direction OR they will seek a replacement. Remember there are countless guys daily promising and influencing girls. In a way you are already behind the 8 ball because you already broke up.


- If you didn't have a child together I'd say cut your loses and move on

- If you truly love her then whether she hooked up with someone else during your off and on break shouldn't matter. Silverblk Mystix makes a great point in this regard

- If you want to get back together you have to COMPLETELY wipe the slate clean and that means forgetting and moving past any and everything from the past. You almost have to act like you are strangers and a brand new couple. This is WAY easier said than done and usually what ends up dooming a relationships 2nd effort.

Because ultimately a relationship is a two-way street so even if you are the perfect BF, there is no guaranteeing it will work. It is also important you stand your ground. Your post implies that you realize you are pressuring her and it's back firing. You can't force the relationship so it's key you move past any guilt & regret you hold on yourself. Will you be able to hold her accountable like you would a regular chick OR will you bend & try and compensate because you ed up in the past and feel bad for her?


Overall the general rule on relationship breakups is you should avoid contact for half the time you dated. So roughly 5 years, you guys should have gone separate ways for 1-2 years and worked on yourselves. Then you get back in contact and she will be excited about the new you and possibilty of the new couple.

But you did the whole off/on, going on a break and so on route. This usually does not work. Because you've basically gone through a slow and steady 1,2 year relationship death. It's difficult to regain the raw emotion when you've been in constant contact.

Remember there is a thin line between love and hate. When you go through a slow relationship death like that, your emotions towards each other are slowly dying. She probably views you now as a burden and responsibility. You are not the escape and exciting/fun person that another guy can be to her.

If not for the kid I'd say you are VERY unlikely to get back together and have a worthwhile relationship but I think she is willing to give you another chance.

[NewcastleKEG]

Few quick thoughts

- Women are different than men. Once they push that switch and ''get over'' you, it's VERY difficult and unlikely they will regain those feelings towards you. Women are very specific about the differences:

LOVING YOU vs BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU

Guys are more likely to 'settle' and stay with a girl that is fun (or here at the time) even though you are not truly head and shoulders in love with her. Girls want to be moving in a direction OR they will seek a replacement. Remember there are countless guys daily promising and influencing girls. In a way you are already behind the 8 ball because you already broke up.


- If you didn't have a child together I'd say cut your loses and move on

- If you truly love her then whether she hooked up with someone else during your off and on break shouldn't matter. Silverblk Mystix makes a great point in this regard

- If you want to get back together you have to COMPLETELY wipe the slate clean and that means forgetting and moving past any and everything from the past. You almost have to act like you are strangers and a brand new couple. This is WAY easier said than done and usually what ends up dooming a relationships 2nd effort.

Because ultimately a relationship is a two-way street so even if you are the perfect BF, there is no guaranteeing it will work. It is also important you stand your ground. Your post implies that you realize you are pressuring her and it's back firing. You can't force the relationship so it's key you move past any guilt & regret you hold on yourself. Will you be able to hold her accountable like you would a regular chick OR will you bend & try and compensate because you ed up in the past and feel bad for her?


Overall the general rule on relationship breakups is you should avoid contact for half the time you dated. So roughly 5 years, you guys should have gone separate ways for 1-2 years and worked on yourselves. Then you get back in contact and she will be excited about the new you and possibilty of the new couple.

But you did the whole off/on, going on a break and so on route. This usually does not work. Because you've basically gone through a slow and steady 1,2 year relationship death. It's difficult to regain the raw emotion when you've been in constant contact.

Remember there is a thin line between love and hate. When you go through a slow relationship death like that, your emotions towards each other are slowly dying. She probably views you now as a burden and responsibility. You are not the escape and exciting/fun person that another guy can be to her.

If not for the kid I'd say you are VERY unlikely to get back together and have a worthwhile relationship but I think she is willing to give you another chance.

[vato loco]

allright i tried to be nice, but listen you pussy ass in ...

if she's still sleeping with u it's bc ur the only sure in her life, if u were more than just she would've gotten back with you by now. stop hanging out or doing anything with that in skank if you're actually looking for a meaningful relationship, bc she doesn't seem to be looking for that...if you don't care then keep ing that in wannabe pornstar otherwise let it go u pussy.

[koriwhat]

ass to mouth and then leave her high and dry. her face like you're trying to rip her ears off and trust me, the satisfaction of humiliating her while she gurgles up your family portrait will be worth it afterwards because she's probably got some other dude's family on her chest already.

ex's need to stay just that, ex'd.

[Wild Cobra]

You could send her flowers, maybe a gift, and a letter saying what you believe. If that doesn't work, forget about her. Move on with your life.

[CavsSuperFan]

Any real men have some advice?

I am not sure that being 45, living with Mother and keeping the same paper rout that I have had since I was 12 years old qualifies me as being a real man but I do have some words of wisdom to offer…

Q- Do you know why divorce is so expensive?
A- Because it is worth it!

[anti_troll]

When did you guys break up?

Do you really want to do this? A couple of years ago, I wanted my ex back badly. I was inlove and was doing all sorts of just to get back with her. She was Perfect..Good looking, Intelligent, not your typical dumb . But The more i tried the more i realized it was over for us.

Srsly though, if she doesnt want it dont force it. You would only put yourself into heartache..

We broke up about two years ago. I am pretty convinced that this is what I want, she's not perfect but neither am I. The thought of another man moving in is what kills me, as it is now I'm with them almost every single day, can't imagine what it would be like if she met another guy and I got phased out. I mean, my son would always be mine and I'd get him as much, if something like that happened, as I do now, but there would still be another man living and waking up with my woman and my son. The thought of it drives me crazy.

And it's not just that, I love her. I love her face and her voice and her smell and all that gushy stuff.

What made you realize that it wasn't meant to be with you and your ex?

[anti_troll]

you don't.. i mean, it's either gonna happen or it won't. right now i'd care more about making sure your kid is gonna be alright through this.

and you won't get any (more fine) women unless you change your at ude and start acting like you've got a pair, homie. theres tens of millions of women out there you would like, ya dig

Yeah I just have to let what's going to happen... happen. I feel like I need to be more proactive though. I do need to grow a pair, so to speak. Back when she was madly in love with me, I didn't give a whether she liked me or not. I had all the power, now it's the complete opposite, I need to take some of that power back... I have an idea how, but what would you guys do to achieve that?

[cantthinkofanything]

Yeah I just have to let what's going to happen... happen. I feel like I need to be more proactive though. I do need to grow a pair, so to speak. Back when she was madly in love with me, I didn't give a whether she liked me or not. I had all the power, now it's the complete opposite, I need to take some of that power back... I have an idea how, but what would you guys do to achieve that?

Step 1 : Quit seeking advice from Spurstalk

[anti_troll]

Few quick thoughts

- Women are different than men. Once they push that switch and ''get over'' you, it's VERY difficult and unlikely they will regain those feelings towards you. Women are very specific about the differences:

LOVING YOU vs BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU

Guys are more likely to 'settle' and stay with a girl that is fun (or here at the time) even though you are not truly head and shoulders in love with her. Girls want to be moving in a direction OR they will seek a replacement. Remember there are countless guys daily promising and influencing girls. In a way you are already behind the 8 ball because you already broke up.


- If you didn't have a child together I'd say cut your loses and move on

- If you truly love her then whether she hooked up with someone else during your off and on break shouldn't matter. Silverblk Mystix makes a great point in this regard

- If you want to get back together you have to COMPLETELY wipe the slate clean and that means forgetting and moving past any and everything from the past. You almost have to act like you are strangers and a brand new couple. This is WAY easier said than done and usually what ends up dooming a relationships 2nd effort.

Because ultimately a relationship is a two-way street so even if you are the perfect BF, there is no guaranteeing it will work. It is also important you stand your ground. Your post implies that you realize you are pressuring her and it's back firing. You can't force the relationship so it's key you move past any guilt & regret you hold on yourself. Will you be able to hold her accountable like you would a regular chick OR will you bend & try and compensate because you ed up in the past and feel bad for her?


Overall the general rule on relationship breakups is you should avoid contact for half the time you dated. So roughly 5 years, you guys should have gone separate ways for 1-2 years and worked on yourselves. Then you get back in contact and she will be excited about the new you and possibilty of the new couple.

But you did the whole off/on, going on a break and so on route. This usually does not work. Because you've basically gone through a slow and steady 1,2 year relationship death. It's difficult to regain the raw emotion when you've been in constant contact.

Remember there is a thin line between love and hate. When you go through a slow relationship death like that, your emotions towards each other are slowly dying. She probably views you now as a burden and responsibility. You are not the escape and exciting/fun person that another guy can be to her.

If not for the kid I'd say you are VERY unlikely to get back together and have a worthwhile relationship but I think she is willing to give you another chance.

Great advice man, you pretty much nailed it. I don't want to be a burden or responsibility to her and I don't think she sees me as that, but she does tell me sometimes that she got asked out on a date and declined because of me. Not because she is not allowed to, but I guess because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings or run me off for good. I told her if she does ever a guy then I'll be done with her, I couldn't take that. But I never told her she couldn't go on a date. I asked her if she minded if I went out on a date since she is dragging her feet so much and may never come around, she said she doesnt want me to, but yeah I can do whatever I want also.

[cantthinkofanything]

Great advice man, you pretty much nailed it. I don't want to be a burden or responsibility to her and I don't think she sees me as that, but she does tell me sometimes that she got asked out on a date and declined because of me. Not because she is not allowed to, but I guess because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings or run me off for good. I told her if she does ever a guy then I'll be done with her, I couldn't take that. But I never told her she couldn't go on a date. I asked her if she minded if I went out on a date since she is dragging her feet so much and may never come around, she said she doesnt want me to, but yeah I can do whatever I want also.

Put a fork in it. This relationship is done.

[anti_troll]

allright i tried to be nice, but listen you pussy ass in ...

if she's still sleeping with u it's bc ur the only sure in her life, if u were more than just she would've gotten back with you by now. stop hanging out or doing anything with that in skank if you're actually looking for a meaningful relationship, bc she doesn't seem to be looking for that...if you don't care then keep ing that in wannabe pornstar otherwise let it go u pussy.

wannabe pornstar ? I can see you know what you're talking about.

[anti_troll]

You could send her flowers, maybe a gift, and a letter saying what you believe. If that doesn't work, forget about her. Move on with your life.

I do things for her all the time, go to Xmas with her family, give her nice gifts for birthdays, mothersday, Xmas, etc. Buy her flowers when I take her out on a date. I even wrote her a nice 4 page letter getting everything out in the open. That I think is what made her turn the corner. A week or two later she said for the first time in a long time, she could see herself being with me again. But yet here we are again with her dragging her feet. I just need to take control of the situation and get my power back. She told me the other day that "the most attractive thing is not caring (about getting back together)"

[thispego]

Date other girls, when she has compe ion for you her true feelings for you will come out. Maybe she is "dragging her feet" because she knows you'll be there waiting for her as long as she wants to make you wait???

[I. Hustle]

How can you understand what she is saying when some dude has his cawk in her mouth?

[cantthinkofanything]

WC trolled by anti_troll

[cantthinkofanything]

Wait...does she like grapefruit?

[I. Hustle]

You know what, keep doing the power struggle thing. That always works out. Listen to the dip s that tell you how to trick her into wanting to get back with you because deception is a building block of awesome relationships.

[cantthinkofanything]

What's her name?

[apalisoc_9]

We broke up about two years ago. I am pretty convinced that this is what I want, she's not perfect but neither am I. The thought of another man moving in is what kills me, as it is now I'm with them almost every single day, can't imagine what it would be like if she met another guy and I got phased out. I mean, my son would always be mine and I'd get him as much, if something like that happened, as I do now, but there would still be another man living and waking up with my woman and my son. The thought of it drives me crazy.

And it's not just that, I love her. I love her face and her voice and her smell and all that gushy stuff.

What made you realize that it wasn't meant to be with you and your ex?

Two years and you're still not over her? That is alot of love...But then again you see each other everyday so im not surprised. Did you actually try to forget about her when you guys broke up?

I can understand trying to work things out for your sons sake, but seems to me you're more worried about you guys than your son. I'd say if you badly really want her back, Show it. Treat Her nice, Dont be doing all those Mind games with her the make yourself less available, or any of those. Treat her like a man and show her that you genuinely want her back not because of your son but because of her.

You have been together long enough and had a son already to start doing the make myself less available game.

As for my ex, she had another guy 6 months after we broke up.

Srsly though, You guys have son together that should work out for you. Dont use it as a reason but im pretty sure that is alreast in the back of her mind.

[anti_troll]

You know what, keep doing the power struggle thing. That always works out. Listen to the dip s that tell you how to trick her into wanting to get back with you because deception is a building block of awesome relationships.

I'm not trying to trick or deceive her, wtf??? I'm trying to get her to fall back in love with me, which she is not far off from doing. It's not. Power struggle between her and I, it's about me having some backbone and not acting so needy for a relationship with her again.

I can tell your relationship is not what you want it to be as well.

[cantthinkofanything]

I'm not trying to trick or deceive her, wtf??? I'm trying to get her to fall back in love with me, which she is not far off from doing. It's not. Power struggle between her and I, it's about me having some backbone and not acting so needy for a relationship with her again.

I can tell your relationship is not what you want it to be as well.

Backoff right there. I realize you're new here but you need to catch up quickly. IHustle lost his wife in a LARP accident.

[anti_troll]

Two years and you're still not over her? That is alot of love...But then again you see each other everyday so im not surprised. Did you actually try to forget about her when you guys broke up?

I can understand trying to work things out for your sons sake, but seems to me you're more worried about you guys than your son. I'd say if you badly really want her back, Show it. Treat Her nice, Dont be doing all those Mind games with her the make yourself less available, or any of those. Treat her like a man and show her that you genuinely want her back not because of your son but because of her.

You have been together long enough and had a son already to start doing the make myself less available game.

As for my ex, she had another guy 6 months after we broke up.

Srsly though, You guys have son together that should work out for you. Dont use it as a reason but im pretty sure that is alreast in the back of her mind.

I'm the one that broke it off initially, she was in love with me and had to force herself to fall out of love with me. Now for the past year/year and a half I have been trying to get her back. Actually now that I think about it we've been broken up closer to three years.

[anti_troll]

Backoff right there. I realize you're new here but you need to catch up quickly. IHustle lost his wife in a LARP accident.

I've been lurking for 10 years, I know what's up.

[Trainwreck2100]

stop acting like a 40 year old girl whose biological clock is ticking and she might say whats up