How do I get my ex back?

[silverblk mystix]

Time IS ticking because like I said, if she s another guy then we will never be together again. This is a great girl and if I don't lock her up now then I may very well lose her for good. Time is of the essence.

Imagine that your perspective is a camera looking out at the world, ok?
Now...in your view all you can see is your girl right in front of the camera and almost nothing else because it is a really close up shot and her face is blocking everything else...


Now...move or pan away from this shot...keep going farther and farther back....the view now includes the rest of the world...you can see everything else and your girl is now pretty far away....but you still see her but she looks a little hazy....

This will give you an idea of where to start...just back off a whole lot....see everything in the world and your girl is a small part of it...go on with life...be a good person if that is who you are and treat her as good as you treat everyone else if this is what you do...

Live your life as if she was just a small part of it and act as if she is another part of your world....

This will give you some detachment, some proper perspective and most importantly she will see you as you really are...if she is comfortable with what she sees and she still has natural feelings for you she will be drawn naturally to you because you will just be yourself and you won't be suffocating her....this might get her to naturally realize that she really likes the man you are and that she might want to be a part of your world.

[CuckingFunt]

Funt I'm glad you responded because you remind me a lot of her. We talk all the time about where our relationship is going and I've dug it into the ground. She knows I want to put a ring on her finger and knows how much I love her and how I'll do anything for her. It is no secret and we talk about it all the time, to the point where she is annoyed by it. Like I said I need to stop pressuring her and just let what's going to happen-happen. Maybe you could give me some advice on what you would want to hear or see from a man in this situation if it were you.

Again, I don't know why people think I'm trying to manipulate or trick her, I'm completely up front with her about everything. I have no secrets with this girl.

If she were anything like me, she wouldn't be sleeping with you still. And I don't mean that as an insult, but rather in the sense that getting into bed with an ex who was trying to pressure me into a relationship that I didn't want is just about the last thing I would ever do.

You say you're not manipulating her, and insofar as you're being up front and honest that might be true, but there is still an element of your thought process/actions in which you're hoping that there will be some magical moment in which the nobility of your intent will be proved and she will suddenly be ready to enter back into a relationship with you. If you've told her honestly that you want to get back into a relationship, and she has expressed disinterest (to the point of calling your pursuit annoying), then your continued pressure becomes a guilt trip, which is absolutely a form of manipulation.

If there was a relationship in the past, and if you two work well together in the raising of your son (and, additionally, if you respect each other's abilities as parent/provider), there are almost certainly still feelings on both parts. Making the whole thing likely as confusing and frustrating for her as for you. But if you're pressuring for a relationship, and she's telling you honestly that she's not interested (or not ready) to go back down that route, sleeping with you is almost certainly pity sex. Which is horribly unfair to both of you, as it only serves to muddle and mix up already confused feelings.

You've asked/suggested. She's answered. Time to back off. As others have said, the ball is in her court. You have to leave her alone (other than as required in parenting, of course) to let her figure out how she wants to respond. Additionally, you have to be prepared for the fact she just may not ever want to get back into a romantic relationship with you. That she may even pursue a romantic relationship with someone else.

[NewcastleKEG]

Did you guys attempt the domestic-bliss-loving-family thing back when your son was born? If not, why not? And if you did, who broke it off? If she was the one who resisted/ended it, then I think it's safe to say that maybe she believes that is just not the life for her and there's probably nothing you can do to change that. If you were the one who resisted /ended it, then it may be a trust issue. She may not be convinced that you would never leave her again.

Also, you swear you love her and your son, but in her eyes (as well as mine) it could appear that you are driven by the desperation of not losing your son. She might see all your actions of trying to keep her as "just for show"; because as long as you keep her close, you are able to have your son.

It's a tough situation you're in, that's for sure, but I don't see a quick fix for you. Clinging and pressuring absolutely won't work. You've got to concentrate on being a good, caring person and put your efforts into making a good life for your son. Who knows, she may need to explore another relationship in order to know more clearly what she wants. And when she compares you to someone else, you'll have a huge advantage because you will have demonstrated you are a good father.

^ Ding Ding

Sadly, the fastest way for you to have her back in your life is for her to go out, experiment, meet ''another bag'' and she will come back to you.

Telling her stuff like ''If you a guy, then we are through'' is EXACTLY the kinda stuff you shouldn't be saying. Think about it, people (especially girls) are drawn to things they are told not to do. If you truly love her and truly want to be with her forever, then why should it matter if she s another guy as long as it ''meant nothing and showed me I wanted you back''.

Your going at this wrong. The first and foremost thing you must do is lay off the pressure. You already stated that the roles are reversed, she is in control. The more you push the more she will try to avoid you and that will push her into the arms of another. You are not a regular ex couple because you share a child. IMO, this gives you more ''time'' & opportunities. Let's be honest man. The chances that she will meet a good guy that is willing to father her child....is very low. Your kinda like that couple that shares an apartment but are broken up. You still hold very powerful cards in your deck so stop acting like this a NOW or NEVER situation

[I. Hustle]

If she's not too fat I'll bone her to help you out. Don't worry I won't let the skank fall in love

[anti_troll]

Imagine that your perspective is a camera looking out at the world, ok?
Now...in your view all you can see is your girl right in front of the camera and almost nothing else because it is a really close up shot and her face is blocking everything else...


Now...move or pan away from this shot...keep going farther and farther back....the view now includes the rest of the world...you can see everything else and your girl is now pretty far away....but you still see her but she looks a little hazy....

This will give you an idea of where to start...just back off a whole lot....see everything in the world and your girl is a small part of it...go on with life...be a good person if that is who you are and treat her as good as you treat everyone else if this is what you do...

Live your life as if she was just a small part of it and act as if she is another part of your world....

This will give you some detachment, some proper perspective and most importantly she will see you as you really are...if she is comfortable with what she sees and she still has natural feelings for you she will be drawn naturally to you because you will just be yourself and you won't be suffocating her....this might get her to naturally realize that she really likes the man you are and that she might want to be a part of your world.

If she were anything like me, she wouldn't be sleeping with you still. And I don't mean that as an insult, but rather in the sense that getting into bed with an ex who was trying to pressure me into a relationship that I didn't want is just about the last thing I would ever do.

You say you're not manipulating her, and insofar as you're being up front and honest that might be true, but there is still an element of your thought process/actions in which you're hoping that there will be some magical moment in which the nobility of your intent will be proved and she will suddenly be ready to enter back into a relationship with you. If you've told her honestly that you want to get back into a relationship, and she has expressed disinterest (to the point of calling your pursuit annoying), then your continued pressure becomes a guilt trip, which is absolutely a form of manipulation.

If there was a relationship in the past, and if you two work well together in the raising of your son (and, additionally, if you respect each other's abilities as parent/provider), there are almost certainly still feelings on both parts. Making the whole thing likely as confusing and frustrating for her as for you. But if you're pressuring for a relationship, and she's telling you honestly that she's not interested (or not ready) to go back down that route, sleeping with you is almost certainly pity sex. Which is horribly unfair to both of you, as it only serves to muddle and mix up already confused feelings.

You've asked/suggested. She's answered. Time to back off. As others have said, the ball is in her court. You have to leave her alone (other than as required in parenting, of course) to let her figure out how she wants to respond. Additionally, you have to be prepared for the fact she just may not ever want to get back into a romantic relationship with you. That she may even pursue a romantic relationship with someone else.

^ Ding Ding

Sadly, the fastest way for you to have her back in your life is for her to go out, experiment, meet ''another bag'' and she will come back to you.

Telling her stuff like ''If you a guy, then we are through'' is EXACTLY the kinda stuff you shouldn't be saying. Think about it, people (especially girls) are drawn to things they are told not to do. If you truly love her and truly want to be with her forever, then why should it matter if she s another guy as long as it ''meant nothing and showed me I wanted you back''.

Your going at this wrong. The first and foremost thing you must do is lay off the pressure. You already stated that the roles are reversed, she is in control. The more you push the more she will try to avoid you and that will push her into the arms of another. You are not a regular ex couple because you share a child. IMO, this gives you more ''time'' & opportunities. Let's be honest man. The chances that she will meet a good guy that is willing to father her child....is very low. Your kinda like that couple that shares an apartment but are broken up. You still hold very powerful cards in your deck so stop acting like this a NOW or NEVER situation

Guys, this is exactly why I started this thread. This is the exact kind of I needed to hear. Basically... Back Off. She knows what I want, now I have to let her make a non-pressured, genuine decision based her feelings and not mine. I can't guilt her into a relationship I can't use logic to convince her into one. I know in my heart that she will choose a life with me, there is just something hanging her up and it may have been my behavior that was the hang up all along.

Cuckingfunt... I lied, we've only had sex 3 times in the past year and a half... Don't know why i lied to you strangers but I guess I felt like it helped my case. It most certainly wasn't pity sex though because she initiated it and I have never pressured her into sex except for when we were dating and had sex constantly. We did have a great sex life though, so that is certainly not the issue.

Newcastlekeg, you are right, I should give her ultimatums. She doesn't even want to have sex with other guys and I'm sitting her telling her she can't? That is just stupid and yes, is probably just pushing her further away. Her response to that is well I'm single I can do whatever you want, which leads to my response, yeah you can do whatever you want but if you chose to do that then you will up any chance we have of getting back together. Just a dumb unnecessary argument that makes things worse.

[anti_troll]

If she's not too fat I'll bone her to help you out. Don't worry I won't let the skank fall in love

Dude, you're fat and ugly as , what are you talking about??

[anti_troll]

She's beautiful, by the way. Dirty blonde hair, soft rosey cheeks, light freckles, 110 lbs, soft skin, a nose that she thinks is too big but I think is just perfect, blue eyes, perfect hour glass figure. Omg she's an angel.

/end lame gush

[z0sa]

i hustle trolling a troll??

[anti_troll]

I'm not a troll, obviously, and Ihustle couldn't troll jack

[I. Hustle]

Damn dude,what's with all the hostility? I was just trying to help you out. If I'm as fat and ugly as you say then don't worry about her falling in love. I'll bang the hoe a couple of times and send her skank ass right back to you. Its a win win all around, I get to help a fellow st'er, she gets to know what the good stuff feels like and you get the hooker back.
I think it'll work... I don't know, let me know what you think.

[NewcastleKEG]

Guys, this is exactly why I started this thread. This is the exact kind of I needed to hear. Basically... Back Off. She knows what I want, now I have to let her make a non-pressured, genuine decision based her feelings and not mine. I can't guilt her into a relationship I can't use logic to convince her into one. I know in my heart that she will choose a life with me, there is just something hanging her up and it may have been my behavior that was the hang up all along.

Cuckingfunt... I lied, we've only had sex 3 times in the past year and a half... Don't know why i lied to you strangers but I guess I felt like it helped my case. It most certainly wasn't pity sex though because she initiated it and I have never pressured her into sex except for when we were dating and had sex constantly. We did have a great sex life though, so that is certainly not the issue.

Newcastlekeg, you are right, I should give her ultimatums. She doesn't even want to have sex with other guys and I'm sitting her telling her she can't? That is just stupid and yes, is probably just pushing her further away. Her response to that is well I'm single I can do whatever you want, which leads to my response, yeah you can do whatever you want but if you chose to do that then you will up any chance we have of getting back together. Just a dumb unnecessary argument that makes things worse.

Good man. Sounds like you got it or atleast the next step you should take

Just remember
- The odds are against you guys getting back together & making it work
- You have a child's future in this equation
- Just because you might have messed up in the past doesn't mean you have to settle now.
- Although if things don't work out you will view the relationship as a failure, that doesn't mean you should spend/"waste" even more time trying to keep it going
- If not for the child, I'd say it's 90% chance this will fail